Make martinis, not love

I'm spinning. If I'm slurring my words, I apologize in advance, but it's because my real estate agent made one heck of a martini. He took Beefeater Gin, put two olives in it, and added ice. Wow! That's one strong drink.

Now I'm feeling good while he's flying a helicopter indoors.

Do you think Ron when nobody's looking ever sings Everything She Does in Magic to himself while thinking of Hermoine?

Heh. He just crashed the helicopter into the refridgerator.

I made lemon chicken for dinner. It turned out wonderful. We pigged out.

I guess I should explain to you my situation, for I'm sure you're confused. I'm currently working in the San Francisco Bay Area and go back to Chico (two hours, twenty minutes northeast) where Mrs. Z and Junior live on the weekends. I stay with my real estate agent, a friend of mine I went to high school with, during the week.

Being away from Mrs. Z, Junior, and the dogs isn't easy but my buddy's a cool guy to live with.

Last night, we went to 7-11 to get ice cream after checking out a possible investment property. The lady who worked there was trying to make herself look her best. She was cute, and I noticed she was eyeing one of us. He didn't notice, but I did. He's horrible at reading women, and I'm going to have to teach him a few things.

He knows money though. The guy could take a dollar bill and turn it into a hundred. Believe me, I'm taking notes. It's just weird how one person could be good at one thing and horrible at another.

Am I making any sense? Probably not, but I'm having fun writing. Okay, I need to sober up. You all are the best and I can't wait to meet every single one of you in person.

Tootles.

The Fifth Amendment

The year is 2010. We still do not have flying cars. We still don't have cool spaceships. And aliens still have no desire to contact us. However, bad taste is now a crime punishable by a short jail sentence and many hours of community service. For your past, you are in court.

Judge: Is it true that you and your best friend saw New Kids on the Block in concert?

the courtroom is dead silent

You: I take the Fifth.

the courtroom stirs

Judge: bangs his little hammer thingie. Order! Order in the court!
Is it true that in high school, you dated a guy for two years with a mullet?

You: I take the Fifth.

the courtroom gets even more noisy

Judge: slams his little hammer thingie three times. Order! We will have order or else I'm going to order this a closed courtroom!
Is it true that you used to wear leg warmers?

You: smiling I take the Fifth

the courtroom erupts

Judge: slamming his little hammer thingie as he shouts. Order! Order in the court! This case is closed.

Your lawyer: turns to you Good job. That will be $1700.



On a serious note, the Fifth Amendment is yet another reason this country is so great. You do not have to incriminate yourself. Did you know that in England, silence is an admission of guilt? Silence here is protected by the Constitution. Here, it's their job, not yours, to find you guilty of something.

Here is the Fifth in all its glory:
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

On a not so good note, yet another reason I hate the War on Drugs. It gives the Government permission to confiscate private property and auction it off if you are accused of selling drugs. This is a clear violation of the Fifth Amendment, yet our stupid Supreme Court Justices have yet to declare it Unconstitutional. These are the types of questions our Legislative Branch should be asking a potential Supreme Court Justice.

It is time that we brushed the dust off this beautiful piece of work and started throwing out Unconstitutional laws, instead of creating new ones. There's a saying that if 10% of the laws were enforced, 90% of us would be arrested. If I were running the show, I'd have all laws against private citizens sunset in ten years. Only by voting the laws back do they stay on the books for another ten years. That would really help restore the Constitution.

Harry Potter 4 - Goblet of Fire

Over the break, we got a chance to see Harry Potter 4 - Goblet of Fire. We were excited to see it, having felt that Mexican director who did Harry Potter 3 was brilliant and we wondered why they didn't ask him to do HP4 as well. Well, now I'm wondering if it was a bad case of Affirmative Action. The Harry Potter movies never had a British director, which was kind of ironic. So they hired a British director for HP4.

I'm not sure if this guy's a genius and just made a bad movie or if he was over his head with this, but HP4 was without a doubt the worst of the Harry Potter movies. It's not a bad film, just a major disappointment after seeing the wonderful work done with HP3.

They tried to make a Hollywood action movie for HP4. Big mistake. I know the book was huge and part of the problem was deciding what to leave out. So they focused on only two scenes - the Ball and the Tournament.

The director of HP3 managed to develop a lot of the other characters, the director of HP4 had more time to work with and failed to develop any. So character development gets an F.

Instead, we see an extended scene of Harry Potter getting chased by a dragon, kind of like how police movies low on plot have ridiculously long chases. Ron's jealousy of Harry, Hermoine's platonic love for Harry and romantic love for Ron, the bond between Sirius and Harry, the annoyances of Rita Skeeter, and the romance of Hagrid and that half-giant lady each get a brief nod but no real development.

I didn't pay to see a James Bond flick. I paid to see the next Harry Potter movie. The director must have thought differently. For those who never read the books, I imagine they'd be completely lost. For those who had read the books, I imagine they'd be wondering why X and Y stories were so poorly developed.

7 dead zombies. The movie itself gets five, but the scenes are gorgeous and take you to the Harry Potter universe which alone is worth the price of admission. Worst of the four, but still worth watching. I really hope they bring that Mexican guy back for HP5.

Caution - If you have little kids, you might want to see this first before deciding whether to take them or not. A teenager gets killed, which is always disturbing for a young kid to watch. Also, there is slight sexuality in the bathtub scene.

Hot American Babe - Denise Richards + Me and P**n

Here is Denise Richards. I've seen her in three movies now, that James Bond flick, Starship Troopers, and Undercover Brother. My wife and I busted up laughing at Undercover Brother, and in all three movies, Ms Richards looked stunning. Sure, she can't act her way out of a paper bag, but man was she pleasant on the eyes.



Me & P**n

This is for Michele whose filter blocked my reply. I simply copied and pasted this from the comments section of another post and edited out any mention of p**n, so the filters won't block this post. Here was my reply, with a little added...

The problem with p**n is the same as the problem with alcohol. Some folks are addicted to it, some rent a p**n flick once every six months with a bunch of friends and laugh together.

I have seen p**n addiction. Knew several people who don't bother meeting anyone because they sit around all day and download p**n. Several of them are highly intelligent and it's a shame.

I've also seen p**n that is violent. I hate that stuff, but I really think the problem is family values. My father taught me that degrading women and beating women were very bad things, so when I first started looking for p**n in my teens (about a decade before I even knew what the internet was), I was turned off by any of the sadism p**n. I thought it was gross.

I simply don't let Junior get on the internet. I know it's dirty. It was originally written for adults to do research. Actually, I take that back. It was originally written by the military and handed over to universities. I don't think kids should go on the internet, period, just like kids shouldn't see movies that glorify violence.

Those are my family values though. If you want to raise your children differently, more power to you. Junior respects our values, and with that, I'm sure he'll respect women when he becomes older as I respect his mother/my wife.

For the record, both my wife and I own p**n. I have no idea what she owns because we're running Unix and her permissions are automatically setup so only she could read them. Of course, I could login as root and rewrite her permissions, but that would be dishonest. I keep mine encrypted with GNU Privacy Guard, just in case I forget to logout and Junior sees my login.

Happy Thanksgiving

Folks, the Zombieslayers will be out of town starting tomorrow and I won't be online until Monday night. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone in America. I think Canada already had theirs. Right Canadians? For everyone else, have a good weekend when it comes around.

The Fourth Amendment

In 1994, President Bill Clinton signed to law the 1994 Assault Weapons Ban, which thankfully sunsetted in 2004. This Bill was so Unconstitutional that memberships in the National Rifle Association skyrocketed to over four million members and the Gun Owners of America (of which yours truly is a Life Member) passed half a million.

Because of gun control, the Democrats got destroyed in the 2000s. At first, I celebrated. Good riddance I thought. As it turned out, as much as Democrats hated the 2nd Amendment, the neo-Cons hate the 4th Amendment.

I thought the War on Drugs was bad enough an assault on the 4th. Now we have a War on Terrorism that has given us things like the PATRIOT Act, which is anything but patriotic. In fact, it's downright communistic.

If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about, right? That's what they tell you. You know who else used to say that? Nazis and Communists. They loved that line. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about.

Well, I have plenty to hide. There's a lot about my life that I'd rather not share with the world. I value my privacy, and so did the Founding Fathers. That's why they wrote the Fourth Amendment. Here it is for you, unedited, uncut:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Beautiful, isn't it? That means that your body, your homes, your records, and everything else about you is safe from the prying eyes of a "for your own good" government. Franklin, Madison, and the other Founding Fathers were sick of the English King's thugs watching every move they made. That's why they wrote it, so that you and I won't have to worry about our government doing the same thing. Thank you Founding Fathers.

Now, I'm not going to go off on the PATRIOT Act and why it's so evil. Instead, I'll lazily quote Representative Bartlett. In the meantime, let's work together on letting the PATRIOT Act sunset.

"The presumption of our innocence until the government first proves we are guilty is a bedrock principle of our nation. This inaccurately named bill reverses this fundamental concept. I refuse to eradicate the constitutional protections that safeguard all of our rights as individuals. These are the rights that have made us a free society for more than 200 years. Under this so-called PATRIOT Act, each of us faces the prospect that the government could treat us as guilty with very little evidence. It could investigate us in secret based upon unproven complaints against us. That puts all of us as individuals at risk and at the mercy of any disgruntled neighbor or coworker who alleges we are involved in terrorist activity. It could be me today, or a neighbor or member of a labor union or church group tomorrow. No one can say where it would end. In fact, there is no end in this bill."


And especially...

"Supporters argue Americans should have no 'sanctuaries' of privacy. The government should be allowed to investigate us and search for evidence against us anywhere with as few limitations as possible. With this permanent expansion of government powers, we will no longer have areas, such as our homes, that deserve greater privacy protections. That is not the America that I know and love."

-Rep. Roscoe Bartlett (R-MD)

It's Friday and my Hawaiian shirt is in the wash

I was walking yesterday and remembered that kids read my blog. In my last article, I talked about getting horrible grades in grade school. I confess. I did, and I regret it. I could just see some kid saying "but Mom, The Zombieslayer got bad grades."

So let me set things straight.

Because of my bad grades, I got zero scholarships. I went to a community college for two years because no four-year college accepted me, then on to a university to get my degree. Got wonderful grades in college though, earning a spot on the Dean's list half the semesters I spent in college.

With no scholarships came huge student loans, which I'm still paying off today. So kids, save yourself a hundred bucks a month for fifteen years after college and pay attention in class. Learn from my mistake.

I can't take my eyes off of you

I just saw the movie Closer and let me just say that it earned zero dead zombies, even though Natalie Portman was absolutely hot in it. I have no desire to see a movie about a bunch of losers who destroy each other's relationships. Geez, people. Are people really this dumb in real life? I sure hope not. My real estate agent and I hated it, absolutely hated it. You all know how much I love Natalie Portman too, so that's really saying something. I don't feel like wasting another paragraph on that dumb movie, because it's Friday and you need a good laugh. Nice song though. "I can't take my eyes off of you." Zero dead zombies for the movie.

Stupid Columbus

Thanks to Bhakti for teaching me the name for the dot. It's "bindi." So now, when referring to Indians from India or American Indians, I'll say "bindi or feather" instead.

Stupid Columbus. Blame him. He went to his grave arguing he found a new route to India. That's why Native Americans today are called Indians.

Amerigo Vespucci however said that Columbus was an idiot. He not only beat Columbus to the continent proper, he got two continents named after him. The only thing Columbus managed to do is make me have to say "bindi or feather" whenever I say Indian. Stupid Columbus.

Thank you Vespucci. If it had not been for you, none of us would be here. Whoops, just got a million Indians (feathers, not bindis) to hate you instead of Columbus. Sorry Vespucci.

And another thanks to Bhakti for explaining that a big bindi doesn't mean someone can levitate. I was thinking for a moment how cool being able to levitate would be. When the zombies come, you simply levitate. Then I realized, they'd just camp out under you until you came down. Ya gotta eat, drink, and go poo poo some time. All right, forget levitation. I'm glad I have my guns.

From me, the Zombieslayer family, and the good people at the Zombieslayer Institute of Technology, have a good weekend all! And another thanks to all of you who voted, or tried to vote, on Miladysa's blog for me. I'm flattered.

UPDATE: I won! All my life I wanted to win something and when it happens, I have no speech ready. All right folks, time for me to make dinner. I'm starving.

Taking it back

Those who have been here for awhile know my background and understand my sense of humor and what I'm trying to accomplish. For those who are new, let me explain...

To make a long story short, I was born in the Mid-West, although I grew up in a refinery town in California. I had a wonderful childhood, although the town I grew up in was somewhat rough and my younger brother had horrible asthma, which miraculously disappeared when we moved.

As a child, I fought a lot and got horrible grades. But I also played a lot of sports. We were an active lot, and the same brother who had asthma came very close to making it into professional sports, for all we did on the weekends when we were kids was compete against everyone else.

In those days, we did things that would have gotten us expelled nowadays. Boys and girls chased each other constantly. I brought my knife to school all the time, and even when I got in fights, I would have never dreamed of whipping it out and using it on the guy I was fighting, for that would be wrong.

We told racist, sexist, and ethnic jokes all the time. As someone mixed-race and multi-ethnic, they more often than not hit me, but I laughed. We all laughed. They were funny jokes. Nowadays if my son did half the things I did when I was a kid, he'd be expelled from school because of political correctness.

Every year, we had the fat kid in class. We referred to him as the fat kid. He didn't attempt suicide or blame the world for his failures. He often was the funniest kid in the class and made us laugh more than anyone else, so everyone liked the fat kid.

Now you even mention a kid being overweight and you get threatened with a lawsuit.

The other major thing I noticed is when I was little, women smiled. I'd be walking with my father and we'd see a lady walking towards us. He would say "hello" and she'd smile at us both. Nowadays, crime has gone down dramatically since when I grew up, but everyone's afraid to talk to strangers.

Today, women drive behemoth vehicles because guess why? It makes them feel safe, and they never smile. The default facial expression on an American woman is not just a frown, but a huge frown. What the ****? Why is everyone so !@#$%^& uptight and unhappy? I don't get it.

Men are generally confused. They don't know how to really be men, to let loose, to enjoy themselves, to enjoy hanging out with the guys. Heck, half the men I know nowadays can't even change a !@#$%^& tire.

Why do people get offended so easily nowadays? And why do people always freak out when I tell them I picked up a hitchhiker? Or when I tell them I went shooting the other day, some people look at me like a psychotic maniac. I grew up with guns, was always around them, shot thousands of rounds, hunted and eaten animals, but would never dream of using a gun on a person unless that person was in my house trying to harm my family.

These things all bother me. People get offended too easily. They need to loosen up.

The other thing, let's bring back drinking and gambling at work. I remember even as a young kid winning a football pool at Dad's work, humiliating grown ups by picking 11 of the 14 football games right while everyone else picked nine or less. I threw in a dollar, which I earned, I painted curbs on my own time to have my own pocket change. Yes, as a child, I went door to door and sold my services to strangers. Won't happen nowadays, even though crime is considerably down from what it was when I was a kid.

I remember disappearing for the day with other latchkey kids. We would ride our bikes for miles, sometimes getting lost, then having to go to a stranger's house and asking to use their phone to call Dad. The stranger happily made the call.

Sometime in the 80s, but especially in the 90s, everything changed. People started getting therapy for everything and everyone became some kind of victim. Nobody dealt with their problems anymore and everyone else was to blame for their failures. The country suddenly went completely mad.

Suddenly, all strangers were sexual predators and you couldn't trust anyone, not even your neighbor. My music, my Dungeons and Dragons, and everything else I liked suddenly became the reason why my generation was so screwed up. The thing is, we weren't screwed up. We were just told we were screwed up. And we bought it.

So, that was the country I grew up in. I want my country back. And I'm going to take it back, no matter how many people I offend and no matter who gets in my way. For those with me, thanks. Let's laugh and enjoy life once more, the way it was meant to be.

And let's stop being afraid. Let's get to know our neighbors again. You might find there are some real good people that you would have never had the chance to meet had you kept your door closed.

If you've got nothing interesting to say...

...tell a joke.

So, rescuers found three survivors in the desert the other day. When interviewed, they discussed how they survived.

The American was carrying an umbrella. "So why were you carrying an umbrella?," the reporter asked.

"So when it got too hot, I opened it up and I was in the shade."

The Mexican carried a bucket of water. "Why were you carrying a bucket of water?"

"So when it got too hot, I drank some and poured the rest on myself."

The Polish guy carried a car door. "Why were you carrying a car door?"

"So when it got too hot, I rolled down the window."



Heh. I heard that one in the 80s and it's still makes me chuckle. I'll be working late today, then going immediately to the internet cafe. Finally, some time to blog.

How's my new job? Well, thanks for asking. It's going great. My last job in Santa Barbara had a lot more hot babes because this place is strictly an engineering place. You know the stereotype of engineering chicks. It's the same as engineering dudes. That means good social skills mean they look at your feet when they talk.

My last job had finance and HR in our office, which means babes at work. Unfortunantely, those people are in another office. Bummer.

I'm making considerably more at this one, not even close. Plus, this company treats its employees much better. The last one took their employees for granted, or at least that's how I felt.

We do have one hot babe. I made her laugh the other day. She's English, and has such a cute English accent. She's half-Indian (dot, not feather) and has one of those bodies that will get a guy like me in trouble for staring.

What I want to know is how come English chicks have cute accents, but English dudes usually sound like goobers? I guess life just isn't fair, is it?

Well, I best get ready for work. Until tonight...

NAFTA and Mexico

My son laughed when they served the quail. He thought it was the funniest thing to get a plate with a little bird on it minus the head. He ordered quail and I ordered the quail/steak combo. We both actually liked quail.

I've been quail hunting twice, and both times didn't see a single quail the whole time we were out there. When it's not hunting season, you see quail everywhere. I think someone tips them off and lets them know when hunting season is so they can hide. So, I've never had quail before that night.

Sitting next to me was a guy going to Grad School for Latin American Studies. And you thought your major was not economically viable.

He explained to me why NAFTA screws over Mexican farmers. I've heard a lot about what NAFTA does to American workers from both Ralph Nader and Ross Perot, who Great White Bear calls "that funny little guy with the big ears." I've never heard what NAFTA does to Mexican farmers though, so I was all ears.

Four things I'd like to make straight about Mexico before I continue:
1) Mexico has more proven oil reserves than America does,
2) Mexico has a tremendous amount of silver,
3) Mexico has enough arable land to feed Mexico, and did quite fine before NAFTA,
4) Mexico's gorgeous.

Mexicans eat a lot of corn and beans, so a lot of farmers grow one or the other, or both. They work a plot of land then sell their food on the open market. It worked fine for centuries, long before the United States of America existed.

America subsidizes its farming industry. It kind of screws over the little man, but that's another post. With America subsidizing its farming, it allows American farmers to grow their crops even more cheaply than Mexican farmers, even though Mexican farmers make less.

NAFTA forces Mexico to trade food with America. Before NAFTA, Mexico bought their food from Mexicans. With NAFTA, Leonardo explained how the little guy farmer can no longer compete on the open market and has to sell his farm and either move to Mexico City in search of work or go to El Norte (that's America). In the meantime, the rich buy out the land from the poor and gobble up tons of farmland, then employ other poor to work on it and thus accelerating the bad business model that screws over the average Mexican farmer.

So we'll soon have the same situation that existed before the Mexican Revolution.

With a lot of them coming here illegally, it really does do a disservice to Mexico. These are the people who should be pissed off and fighting for change. Instead, they're fleeing the situation, which does absolutely nothing to change the political climate, where the big dog exploits the little dogs. Like I said before, I like what Edward Abbey said. He said we should hand them a rifle at the border and tell them to finish the revolution. And us Americans should have listened to that funny little guy with the big ears.

Packers win!

This weekend went really well. The Packers upset the Falcons, the team who will probably represent the NFC in the Super Bowl and go on to lose to the AFC team.

Saturday, went to a wedding. Mrs. Z was a bridesmaid and looked stunning. Of course yours truly brought the camera and forgot it in the trunk. I told you I suffer from CRS. It's because I've been exceedingly busy, so busy I have yet to finish my cartoons of Slade and Jenn.

Back to the wedding. Mrs. Z's girlfriend just got married. The guy's a saint. Every Christmas, he goes to nursing homes and sings Christmas Carols to the elderly folks. It really makes their days, for I don't think I need to explain how old people are treated in this country. I'm guilty too, so I'm not pointing the finger at anyone in particular.

I went to the record store today to buy a Thalia album and review it, but I just can't bring myself to spend $16.99 for a CD. I'll have to download some of her hits from the iTunes store instead to get a feel for what she sounds like.

We're currently watching Star Wars III. I think R2-D2 has a soul. Watch the movies again and notice the importance of R2-D2. He thinks on his feet and always manages to save the day. I'd love to have a little droid like that to fight zombies with.

Although not the greatest of dialogs, listen to the dialog carefully. Lucas's political message is quite clear. He warns of a power grab sold to us as a security measure and a promise for peace. Sound familiar? Okay, I need to put this laptop down and watch the movie...

By the way, Bhakti has nominated me for a Blogger prize. Please go to Miladysa's site and vote for me. I want one of those. :)

Hot Mexican Babe - Thalia & some bar jokes

Exmi saved Thalia from the zombie plague, for I had no idea who she was. Shortly, she'll be getting the formal invitation. So good news, Exmi, she'll be safe when the zombies come.

The last hot Latina singer I knew of was Selena, and that was only after that crazy lady who ran her fan club killed her. Before that, I knew Yuri. Yuri sang some cute, catchy songs that I probably never heard sober.

I used to go dancing in Mexico. One thing you got to love about Mexico is that they have this concept of keeping the nightclubs open late. Sure, they have it in San Francisco, New York City, and a few other American cities, but so much of America closes at 2 A.M. At 2 A.M. when I was younger, that was when the fun began.

Yuri was the rage there back then. She sang songs that now I'd probably look back at and wonder why I liked them, but as I said, I probably never heard them sober.

As for Thalia, I'll have to pick up one of her albums. If you go to Thalia's site (do a google search then hit "I Feel Lucky"), she has some clips of her music. Not a bad voice. And easy to look at. Would love to see her perform live at the anti-zombie compound. Don't worry, it will have a stage and a PA system.



Speaking of drinking, how about some jokes?

A feminist walks into a bar and asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender tells her he can't serve her.

"Why, is it because I'm a woman?"

"No, because it's past 2 A.M."



A guy's just sitting at a bar with a beer in front of him. Suddenly, the bar brute comes into the bar, sits next to him, and gulps down the guy's beer.

The guy starts crying. The bar brute apologizes and says he can't stand to see another man cry. He even buys him another drink.

The sad guy responds, "it's not that. I'm just having the worst day of my life. I got fired this morning from work, so I come home early and find my wife sleeping with another man. Then I come to this bar and just when I'm going to end it all, you drink my poison."

Screw the U.N.

Well, you can blame my real estate agent for making me do a serious post. We went food shopping at the local Asian market and had all kinds of funny stories with pictures to go along with them. However, Einstein couldn't figure out how to get the pictures from his cell phone to my email address so I could post them on the blog. So, instead of a funny post about Engrish, I go off on how much the U.N. sucks.

The United Nations is a big waste of money

[The Conservative] is at odds with dictators who rule by terror, and equally with those gentle collectivists who ask our permission to play God with the human race.

-Barry Goldwater

Did you know that 23% of the United Nations' funds come out of American taxpayers' pockets? I don't even like the U.N. and if I were running the show, I'd pull us out. They're not only completely worthless, they blame America for everything. Talk about biting the hand that feeds.

Here's a little trivia for you. Can you name one genocide the U.N. stopped? Now, the U.N. defenders will respond by saying we need to fund them more. Why? So they could waste more of our tax money?

I strongly believe that your money is yours. It's your choice who to give money to. I happen to support public libraries and retarded citizens. When I get more money, I'll also include burn victims. Mrs. Zombieslayer donates to Vets and Salvation Army. When we get really rich, we'll start the Zombieslayer Scholarship Foundation. That just happens to be where we feel like sending our money we set aside for charities.

If you want to support Breast Cancer or Testicular Cancer Research, more power to you. If you want to support families of Firemen who died in service, more power to you. If you want to support starving children in Ethiopia, more power to you. Why should you be forced which charities to give money to?

I strongly disagree with forcing people to give to charities that they don't support. On top of that, if you had to force people to give to charities, let's take care of local peoples. As everyone now knows from Hurricane Katrina, America has plenty of poor people to take care of.

You already know I'm not a fan of President Bush. He spends more than a Democrat. We have yet to catch Osama Bin Laden. He's for outsourcing the American middle-class and he looks the other way as millions of illegals flood into this country to undercut working class Americans, driving wages even lower. I also hate the Homeland Security concept (1984 anyone?) as well as the TSA, but that's another post.

I will give credit where credit is due though. I like John Bolton. He's a pompous jerk and he hates the U.N. Awesome. What better person to appoint to represent the U.N. than someone who believes the U.N. should be accountable for the money it wastes?

Everyone else seemed to hate Bolton. I think his appointment to the U.N. is one of the best things our President has ever done.

The U.N. is a big black hole where our hard-earned tax money disappears. Now, as someone who studied philosophy, if you want to claim something, the burden is on you to prove it. So, that said, why is the U.N. worth billions of our tax dollars every year? I'd love to hear it defended.

Much Ado About Nada

I was watching Master and Commander the other day when I was thinking of how good this movie could have been. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was lacking. It was historically accurate, visually nice, yet, as a film, it was just okay.

They had young boys on the ship. I wouldn't let the younger kiddies see it because one of the boys gets his arm amputated and if I'm not mistaken, another one dies. It's one thing for kids to see an adult die in a movie, but I know that kids get disturbed by seeing kids die in movies.

No, there were no women serving in the British Navy during the Napoleonic Wars (early 1800s). If a woman comes up to you and tells you she served in the British Navy back then, she's lying.

I saw Land of the Dead again. Great movie. If you haven't seen it yet, drop what you're doing (unless you're holding a baby or a hand grenade) and go see it. It scared me, because zombies during this time period are learning to communicate. Society hasn't changed either. There actually is a The Man in this film, played by Dennis Hopper. Actually it was probably this movie that inspired my last post.

I've earlier said that I want either Morgan Freeman or Antonio Banderas to play me. I want to add a third possible candidate - John Leguiziamo. That guy's one of the more underrated actors out there. He's played a lot of different parts, and I liked his job in Land of the Dead.

My fav actor though is Johnny Depp, but I wouldn't want him to play me. He's like Robert De Niro where he actually studies the dude he plays. I wouldn't want to wish that on anyone.

And lastly, we bought the Star Wars III DVD. I already reviewed that one too. I'm kind of mad at Samuel L Jackson though. If he wasn't so mean to Annakin Skywalker, I don't think Annakin would have turned into Darth Vader. I'll have to tell him that next time I see him. "Hey Samuel L Jackson, you know if you weren't so mean to Annakin..."

Now changing the subject entirely away from movies, Zombie Lama got dibs on Paulina Rubio. I'm bummed. I guess that serves me right for spending two weeks interviewing and moving around. We lose hot babes. Not good.

Don't worry friends. I'll be blogging more, now that I have a job. Interviewing really sucks the life out of you. When we create a new society after the zombie plague ends, let's remember to make the interview illegal. Too stressful.

I like the idea of five games of tic-tac-toe. The company selects five people to play the would be interviewer, and if the company fails to win a game, the bloke or dame gets the job. Sounds fair? Sure. Only problem is, I have a feeling productivity will suffer. Oh well, if productivity is low, then the CEO needs to order more beer on Fridays, right?

All right folks, I best get ready to work. Hope you can all get some sleep on the job (unless you're a trucker) so you'll have time to do some blogging tonight. I'll be online hopefully. Hope to see ya there.

Who is The Man?

You've heard me use the expression on this website "The Man" many times. Not only have I used it many times, I'll continue to use it. I like it, but I wanted to explain that "The Man" is not just one man, it's a collection of people, both men and women.

The Man is almost exclusively upper-upper class. The upper-upper class has a very exclusive attitude to them. They want to decide who can join them. They just don't let anyone in. For example, in the early 90s, Madonna had the money to move into an elite neighborhood in I think it was New York. Anyone who knows what it was, please fill me in. Anyways, the residents protested, for they thought Madonna would give them a bad image.

Many exclusive country clubs in the 40s and 50s did not let Jews in. They had a membership policy that only allows people to become members by a board voting, and by doing that, they guaranteed that Jewish folk could not be members.

Is The Man Jewish? No, this is an anti-Semetic myth. Most of the folks that make up The Man in America are non-Jewish.

Is The Man all white? In America, possibly. I don't know. I now strongly think Oprah Winfrey is one of The Man now, for she can single-handedly make an author a best-seller just by mentioning the author's name on her show. That's true power. She can also make or break a movie.

The other thing about Oprah, when she wanted to move into The Man's neighborhood in Montecito, CA, nobody protested. Everyone actually welcomed her.

How can I become The Man? You need to be upper-class for three generations. Or you can marry into it. Arnie Schwartzwasher was nothing until he married into the Kennedy family. He was just a dumb jock actor, until marrying into that family gave him both validity and political connections. Now he's Governor of California.

The same with John Kerry. He married into the Heinz family. He almost became President of the United States, but another representative of The Man narrowly defeated him. Let's not kid anyone. John Kerry and George Bush are more alike than they are different. That is why The Man was so adamant about not letting Ralph Nader debate either of them, for that's what Nader was screaming the entire time. But only one percent of the voters bothered to listen.

Is The Man all men? No, not at all. It's 50% men, 50% women. But for social reasons, The Man's representatives are mostly male.

Teresa Heinz could have been President is she wasn't such a b****. She's had several episodes of her doing a Howard Dean on people who didn't deserve it. Imagine her in the debates. There's no doubt she has the brains for the job. She's highly intelligent and speaks four languages fluently. But she has an anger management problem.

Some examples of The Man - the Kennedys and the Rockefellers are highest on the totem pole. The Bush's are now up there. The Heinz family is too. The Waltons and the Fords, the Vanderbilts are all The Man. The Hiltons are definitely up there, however, they have ego problems and would rather be rock stars than politicians. We can thank God (or whatever higher power you believe in, or Luck if you're an atheist) for that. As I mentioned, Oprah is. Both Michael Jordan's kids and Bill Gates' kids will be The Man. Jordan is a business genius. Either that or he surrounds himself with business geniuses. I don't think I need to explain Bill Gates.

Robert Kiyosaki and Madonna both want to be The Man. Sorry, but you both have a long way to go. I don't think either of their children will be even close to making it. There are several more families up there, but I'm not the resident expert in the Upper Upper Class. I'm sure some of you would know this info more than I would.

Is The Man Evil? Not all of them. I actually liked JFK. They're mostly out of touch with you and me though. Do you think the Bush's know how hard it is to struggle to make your mortgage/rent payments when your job was outsourced? Plus, one thing I really don't like about The Man is The Man thinks he knows what's good for you and me. I don't know about you, but I want to decide my Fate. I don't want The Man to even have a hand in deciding mine.

Does The Man really hold people down? Dang right he does. The Man is always trying to get more power, and of course it will be at our expense. We got close to being well-off a few years ago before our CEO outsourced my job to India, while giving himself a multi-million dollar bonus. And this was during the Clinton Administration, who like Kerry and Bush, is strongly in favor of both outsourcing the middle-class to India and China and opening up the Mexican border more to undercut the working class.

Is The Man all American? No. However, The Man from America obviously wields a heck of a lot more power than The Man in any other country. The Man in Switzerland wields more power than The Man in Belgium. The Man in Nigeria wields more power than The Man in Uganda. The Man in China wields more power than The Man in North Korea.

What does The Man want? Power. He already has money. That hasn't been an issue in several generations. Now he wants more power. But he'll only get more power if we give him ours. Let's stop doing that. He already has enough.

Love the San Francisco Bay Area

When I was interviewing for work in the Bay Area, my real estate agent and I had some good quality time together. He recently sold his rental and is sitting pretty with a lot of cash. He recently rewarded himself with a limited addition sports car so he took me up into the Berkeley hills in it.

From the Berkeley Hills, you can stare out over both the Berkeley and Oakland city lights and see the San Francisco Bay beyond. It's a magical view, something I'd strongly advise Notta to take her boyfriend to one night. Plus, Berkeley has some wonderful Italian, Asian, Ethiopian, and Indian restaurants. We had Italian that night because Italian is currently my favorite cuisine. My fav cuisine though changes about every six months.

I remember the big fire in the Berkeley Hills in the early 90s. One of my professors had his house and everything he owned burned to the ground. He showed up to work the next day and I asked him why he was here. "I got nowhere else to go," he said with a blank look on his face, then started his lecture.

My real estate agent took on a young assistant, who recently graduated college with a degree in English. He's wonderfully literate and a pleasure to talk to. I bugged him to read the Harry Potter series. He mentioned his favorite author but I forgot who it was, for we talked about everything from investments to refinishing bathtubs.

I sometimes regret not having any focus when I was his age, for I'd be rich today, but then I think about the level of partying I did then and the wonderful experiences I got out of it. I also did a lot of tutoring in those days, which got me into the local Native American community and learned culture and outdoor survival skills that no money can buy. Is experience worth more than money? I'm starting to realize it is.

On the way home, we took Port Chicago Highway. I was telling Vest about a city called Port Chicago that had the worst wartime accident in American history. Several hundred people were instantly blown up and years later, there were rumors that it was a nuclear accident, for both Little Boy and Big Man were stored nearby in the Concord Naval Weapons Station before being dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, respectively.

It's urban legend though, for the cancer rates went off the charts for Hiroshima survivors and folks who lived nearby. The cancer rates in Concord in the 40s and 50s were about the same as the rest of the country.

I'll do posts later on local history here. I know there's not a huge interest for it, but I love writing historical pieces, so it will be more for me and Tshsmom.

My real estate agent's new assistant and I talked about partners. No, not business partners but life mates. He's currently serious with a nice young woman. My two cents I gave him - loyalty. If she's not loyal, if she's not a team player, dump her. One thing that makes a relationship work long-term is that a relationship must be a cohesive unit. If one side thinks only about their needs and neglects the needs of the other, it won't work.

With that, it cemented how he feels about his girlfriend. He thinks she's the one. Good for him.

Lastly, it's Friday. One of the guys at my new work is a bass player, so we shared some musician jokes. Here they are. Have a wonderful weekend all. I'll be busy, so I won't be blogging, but will see you all next week.

Now for the musician jokes

What does a bass player use for birth control?

His personality.



What do you do when a drummer knocks on your door?

Take the pizza and pay him.



How do you keep a lead singer occupied for hours?

Give him a mirror.



And lastly, what do you call a guy who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

A drummer.

How well do you know the Zombieslayer?

I know you hate doing this, but it's only 10 questions. Plus, some of them are too easy.

I got this idea from Thom and Bsoholic. They both had this quiz at different times and I decided that since my brain is fried and I haven't posted in a few days, I have to post something. So why not a stupid quiz, right?

Here, take my stupid quiz. Winner gets bragging rights. Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

Coin toss

Sadie, sorry I missed your question on The Great White Bear's reply to your statement. A little background, Great White Bear and Sadie were having a friendly discussion about Harriet Miers a few weeks back. The discussion itself stayed friendly, which is a wonderful thing. Hats off to both Sadie and Great White Bear who showed that two people can disagree and be civil. I won't mention names, but the only person I've ever deleted from this blog needs to take notes.

That said, Sadie asked me this question:
if you had two individuals that were equally qualified and one was a man and one was a woman, who would you pick?


I don't care how the court is stacked when it comes to race, religion, gender, or whatever. I just don't want to see someone chosen for their race, gender, religion, what they name their dog, their astrological sign, birthmarks in strange places, or what have you. When it comes to religion, I'm very private about ours. If someone wants to be evangelical, more power to them. I'm just not.

As for race, I'm private about our races as well. I've always just called myself American.

You all know my gender though. It's kind of hard to write without everyone figuring that out. ;)

But going back to what Sadie asked, I don't care if the Supreme Court had eight men and one woman or eight women and one man. If one of them died and I was President, it shouldn't be an issue. The only issue should be whomever could defend the Constitution best.

Maybe it's because I see the Constitution as sacred. I cannot compromise any part of it. I won't compromise the 1st or the 2nd. I won't compromise the 4th. Picking someone on some artificial basis just to fill stats may not get us the best candidate for the job, which is definitely what I want when we have dirty politicians with less than noble ideas about what our Constitution means.

And I'm glad Miers withdrew because it became apparent she didn't know what she was doing. It had nothing to do with her being a woman and everything to do with cronyism.

It's just like if I were in charge of the Green Bay Packer's draft. I wouldn't want a player of Narnian decent, just because they're way under represented in the NFL. I wouldn't be picking my buddies either.

So if I were President, and hypothetically I had two candidates to choose from, one man, and one woman, both equally awesome in every way - coin toss.