Friday, November 18, 2005

It's Friday and my Hawaiian shirt is in the wash

I was walking yesterday and remembered that kids read my blog. In my last article, I talked about getting horrible grades in grade school. I confess. I did, and I regret it. I could just see some kid saying "but Mom, The Zombieslayer got bad grades."

So let me set things straight.

Because of my bad grades, I got zero scholarships. I went to a community college for two years because no four-year college accepted me, then on to a university to get my degree. Got wonderful grades in college though, earning a spot on the Dean's list half the semesters I spent in college.

With no scholarships came huge student loans, which I'm still paying off today. So kids, save yourself a hundred bucks a month for fifteen years after college and pay attention in class. Learn from my mistake.

I can't take my eyes off of you

I just saw the movie Closer and let me just say that it earned zero dead zombies, even though Natalie Portman was absolutely hot in it. I have no desire to see a movie about a bunch of losers who destroy each other's relationships. Geez, people. Are people really this dumb in real life? I sure hope not. My real estate agent and I hated it, absolutely hated it. You all know how much I love Natalie Portman too, so that's really saying something. I don't feel like wasting another paragraph on that dumb movie, because it's Friday and you need a good laugh. Nice song though. "I can't take my eyes off of you." Zero dead zombies for the movie.

Stupid Columbus

Thanks to Bhakti for teaching me the name for the dot. It's "bindi." So now, when referring to Indians from India or American Indians, I'll say "bindi or feather" instead.

Stupid Columbus. Blame him. He went to his grave arguing he found a new route to India. That's why Native Americans today are called Indians.

Amerigo Vespucci however said that Columbus was an idiot. He not only beat Columbus to the continent proper, he got two continents named after him. The only thing Columbus managed to do is make me have to say "bindi or feather" whenever I say Indian. Stupid Columbus.

Thank you Vespucci. If it had not been for you, none of us would be here. Whoops, just got a million Indians (feathers, not bindis) to hate you instead of Columbus. Sorry Vespucci.

And another thanks to Bhakti for explaining that a big bindi doesn't mean someone can levitate. I was thinking for a moment how cool being able to levitate would be. When the zombies come, you simply levitate. Then I realized, they'd just camp out under you until you came down. Ya gotta eat, drink, and go poo poo some time. All right, forget levitation. I'm glad I have my guns.

From me, the Zombieslayer family, and the good people at the Zombieslayer Institute of Technology, have a good weekend all! And another thanks to all of you who voted, or tried to vote, on Miladysa's blog for me. I'm flattered.

UPDATE: I won! All my life I wanted to win something and when it happens, I have no speech ready. All right folks, time for me to make dinner. I'm starving.

33 Comments:

Blogger Miladysa said...

LOL. Have a great weekend!

Have you seen Shaun of the Dead?

11/18/2005 4:52 AM  
Blogger Slade said...

I have never laughed as loud at a blog entry as when I read the "bindi or feathers"

I say this all the time because it is the most un-PC thing and I think it's hilarious...but mr. slade actually gets a little mad when I say it. I'll say "Indians, dot not feather" but now I shall say "bindi not feathers"

I truly don't mean any harm with this...again, I just think it's better to laugh at completely un-PC things and get off our high horses than to get our feathers and bindis in a ruffle.

11/18/2005 5:40 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

I still think "dot not feather" was funnier. You're getting zapped by the PC police--it's pull is irresistable.

Sorry, I know you wholeheartedly disagree, but Portman is just a bad actor. You'll come to know it someday.

And kids, Zombie has it right. There are so many more reasons than just scholarship money, but that is a whopper of a good reason to do well in school. I find myself wishing almost daily that I had paid more attention in my classes, especially the ones I thought had no bearing on my life.

Geez, that sounds like a post.

11/18/2005 6:37 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

I have no desire to see a movie about a bunch of losers who destroy each other's relationships. Sounds like a hideous chick flick that will end up on the Lifetime channel soon.

I am female, but have NO understanding of the women that watch that kind of garbage. And I can't imagine it would appeal to ANY male of the species.

Thanks for the warning.

11/18/2005 6:45 AM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

Uh-Oh...let me set one thing straight on the "Bindi" versus "Dot" issue:
Two Things--
First: I come from a very funny family...my father is actually Archie Bunker incarnate. I grew up in a household where my father would, when I was talking about an Asian Indian, ask "Was he a push start (dot) or a pull start (turbin). (Maybe I should have said I come from a funny--totally politically incorrect family.)

Second I, too, think the "dot not feather" was much funnier and I would hope that the Zombie Slayer would continue to use this reference, as I know deep in his heart he means to be humorous and not mean.

I study with a Meditation Master from India, and my nieces and nephews always refer to her as 'the woman with the dot on her head'. I think that's precious! It is the shape of a dot, after all.

Furthermore, I don't think my teacher would get offended.

My point is...Zombie Slayer...please let your readers know that I am NOT politically correct. I am the antithesis of politically correct. I don't have time for that crapola (don't wanna curse on your site!)

----

I, too, could not stand the movie, Closer, and I, too, felt embarrassed for the public at large who (the critics said) loved the movie. I think the movie companies must have paid the critics to say that. That movie was a piece of crapola.

p.s. thanks for the link to my site.

By the way, I'm not a dot-head, even though I have an Indian name. I'm not a pull-start, either. My name was given to me by 'the lady with the dot'.

I love all cultures, so please don't get offended...

11/18/2005 7:43 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

hahaha... I was going to mention the bindi thing too, but I was getting far too much enjoyment from your politcally incorrect version. I have a bit of a love on for all things indian "bindi not feather". I collect saris and love to do henna and make curry and samosa's. I actually have a bit of a scarf fetish... shhhhhh.

Oh and by the way, selling out just a little bit with that whole 'stay in school businiess' aren't ya. Kind of goodie boy for a metal musician. ;p LOL No I had terrible grades in highschool (except in acting and writing) because I could not stand the social bullshit. I waited to go back to school, and now, 11 years after highschool, I am getting EXCELLENT grades in University so my advice would be... don't put too much wieght on highschool... its a fashion bubble that luckily pops if you have a brain and has pretty much NOTHING to do with real education. Just my opinion anyway. Be brave, it helps most of all. Sorry, didn't mean to rain on your parade.

11/18/2005 8:04 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Miladysa - I love that movie! Seen it a bunch of times and even reviewed it on this blog months ago. Hope you have a wonderful weekend too.

Slade - I truly don't mean any harm with this...again, I just think it's better to laugh at completely un-PC things and get off our high horses than to get our feathers and bindis in a ruffle.

The intention is what counts. When we were little and told non-PC jokes to each other, we never meant any harm. Most of them were Polish jokes and believe me, we had plenty of Powaskis and other Polish folk at the school. Nobody complained and half the time, it was them who told the jokes.

Scott - I still think "dot not feather" was funnier. You're getting zapped by the PC police--it's pull is irresistable.

"Bindi, not feather" sounds like I know what I'm talking about. I sound smart, that's why I like that. One of these days you'll all figure out I'm really stupid, but use wikipedia to appear smart.

As for Portman, it's her director. Luc Besson made her wonderful. Lucas made her stink. And I just couldn't stand Closer.

Saurkraut - I don't want to see this movie making any money in rentals. I hated it, so happy to give you the warning.

Bhakti - I don't get offended at any thing, so don't worry. I'm trying to expand what we see as "acceptable" humor. You will see by my "hot babes" post that I find women around the world in many, many cultures, countries, etc., sexy.

As for "dot not feather" vs "bindi not feather," I think I'll go back to "dot, not feather." You and Scott are right that it just sounds funnier. The whole point of this post was humor, and not at all to make a point. Oh, I was serious about the good grades though. But the rest was a big joke. Oh, don't see Closer either. It was horrible.

Clothosfate - The only thing I regret about high school is because of my bad grades, I have fat student loans to pay off because I didn't get any scholarships. As for popularity, I was a total metalhead, which was fine because everyone left us alone. I liked it that way. I think everyone was afraid of us. Every once in awhile, we slapped around a jock just to show we wanted to be left alone.

As for Indians, I love their Yoga, but don't like their food. I know it's a popular food, but I see it as mushy yuck yuck. And of course, we buy a lot of their incense. Plus, they have some very pretty girls. I liked the babe from Monsoon Wedding, not the chick who got married, but the one with the tattoo on her ankle.

We had a really hot chick whose parents were Indian (dot) at my fav job. She was in fact so hot, she could have easily been a Penthouse Pet. I always thought she hated me because I thought I offended her a few times with my foul mouth. The last times I saw her though, she and I got along great. I was wrong. She always thought I was pretty cool and I'm kind of bummed that we could have been friends.

11/18/2005 8:41 AM  
Blogger jenbeauty said...

Have a great weekend!!

P.S. Go back to July....my post titled December 1992...that has the full gun story.

11/18/2005 8:49 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

My mother hated Closer too. I took her advice and didn't see it.

Natalie Portman is really cool, though. She shaved her head for her next movie ;)

11/18/2005 9:29 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

I dunno, if you levitated with your guns - you could snipe them from any were. Store some food atop a tree, and when you have to poo, strategically aim it. Levitating wouldn't be a bad thing to have up your sleeve when the zombie plauge happens.

11/18/2005 9:46 AM  
Anonymous Michele said...

A lot of really succesful people did poorly in school; Einstein, Thomas Edison. Half of the men who signed the Declaration of Independence had no formal schooling.
You'll do fine; You're a hard-worker, creative, and have the ability to deal with people.

11/18/2005 10:49 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

"I have no desire to see a movie about a bunch of losers who destroy each other's relationships."

Couldn't agree more. I thought it was just a terrible display of selfish, ugly behavior. Why did this even get on the Oscar radar? And who in their right mind thinks Clive Owen is anywhere NEAR attractive?

11/18/2005 1:17 PM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

hahaha... mushy yuck yuck... hmm you have been getting it from the wrong source I think maybe. When we all get together in the Zombie-free compound, you'll have to be brave and try some of mine. I promise it isn't mushy yuck yuck. ;)

11/18/2005 3:17 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Well good, I'm glad to know I don't have to waste any time seeing "Closer". :-P H and I will see Harry Potter this weekend and after that, I Walk The Line (in honor of my grandparents, who have passed on). I'll let you know how they are. :-)

11/18/2005 5:17 PM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

I'll be going to Harry Potter as well tommarrow. Looking forward to that. I hear they had to drop a lot of the sub-plots for time purpouses, such as Hermoines save the House Elves campaigne and things like that. In any case it still looks good!

11/18/2005 6:00 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Jenbeauty - Definitely will do.

Bearette - She had short hair in Closer. I rarely like short hair on a woman, but she managed to pull it off. Not that many women could look good with short hair.

Bsoholic - The thing about levitating though is doesn't it take all your concentration? If so, a loud gun shot might throw you off, right into the arms of a waiting zombie. Plus, you might be concentrating so hard you won't be able to focus on your shots and you'll be straying ammo instead of picking zombies off one by one.

Michele - Thanks. I actually excelled in college. Dean's list is 3.5 or higher, and I was on the Dean's list about half the semesters I was in college. In high school though, I was so bored I'd often fall asleep in class.

I've woken up before in class with nobody in the class. The teacher pulled a fast one and must have told everyone to tiptoe out, so as not to wake me.

Laura - Why did this even get on the Oscar radar? And who in their right mind thinks Clive Owen is anywhere NEAR attractive?

I have no idea. Sometimes the Oscars are huge jokes. As for Owen, he looks like an average guy. Maybe women who like average guys find him attractive.

Clothosfate - When we all get together in the Zombie-free compound, you'll have to be brave and try some of mine. I promise it isn't mushy yuck yuck. ;)

Looking forward to that. I love people who could cook.

Notta - Definitely let me know how Walk the Line is. I'll be seeing HP this weekend too. I'm thinking of taking just Mrs. Z to Pride and Prejudice.

11/18/2005 6:17 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bsoholic - We should all write reviews. I'd like to see what everyone thinks of it.

11/18/2005 6:18 PM  
Blogger Bo Salisbury said...

Good post for the kids...Important stuff... I did poorly, as well, but things worked out. I was too "social" and just enjoyed life. College would have spelled disaster and I had a real close brush with sports scholarships and that was with my whopping 1.2 GPA... I shudder to think. I love school now, don't follow sports and have a 4.0.

So, like you, I had to tell my kids the stories, but always impress upon them to do their best. They turned out great... all did/doing well in college, though the boy learned some life lessons at 19.

My parents were cool about it all... they could have compared me to my sisters, but never did. My oldest is a molecular biologist (UCSD, Columbia U, UC Berkeley) and my other sister's got her masters in edu -- special ed -- she's a special person. My parents never treated their blue-collar son differently. I'm a happy man... no regrets, but I would counsel the younger sort not to follow my example.

11/18/2005 6:40 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bo - I sometimes wish I went a blue collar route. I think I would have been a pretty good plumber. Couldn't be a mechanic though, because I hate working on cars. Only worked on cars because I had to.

Your parents are cool for not doing that. Kids have to choose their own routes. I'll give Junior advice, but will let him choose which way to go.

If he wants to go to college, I'll convince him that good grades in high school are necessary, or else he'll have to live with his parents and go to a community college for two more years. That should inspire him to get good grades. ;)

11/18/2005 6:52 PM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Righ on ZS I sure will. My little sister went to the midnight screening last night. She wrote a review already (it's not too revealing for those who haven't read the book.)

11/18/2005 6:56 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

YAY Zombieslayer! Congrats!!!

Not sure exactly what you won, but congrats!!!

Bridg

11/18/2005 7:37 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bsoholic - I have your sister's blog open in another tab. Gotta love tabbed browsing.

Bridget - Miladysa nominates blogs for Tiaras once a week. This week, yours truly won. :)

11/18/2005 11:07 PM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

Just one more thing. Statistically mature students are the ones who get the best grades in University (College). The students who did not go back to school right after highschool, but lived life for a few years at least... a person gets a better idea of what matters to them and what they might actually enjoy doing with their life, and why flipping burgers at McSickos is not a great job.

As a mature student I get A's, the 'just out of highshcool' students I go to school with, the majority of them are getting C's and wracking up a huge student loan and STILL don't know WTF they want to do when they grow up.

Personally I will encourage my son to go out and live some life before he goes to University. I think it's wrong when people suggest that if kids don't go right after highschool, they won't ever make it.

11/19/2005 10:25 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Thanks for the heads up on the movie. Plots like that is why I HATE reality shows like Survivor; too much backstabbing!! I DESPISE backstabbers!

11/19/2005 11:44 AM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

Congratulations on your FBF win!
:)

11/19/2005 12:44 PM  
Blogger Dee said...

Hey Zombieslayer,

I'm passing through from Miladysa's blog and I gotta say I love what I've read thus far.

Congratulations on your win and if I'd known about it, I'd have voted for you.

Peace,
Dee

11/19/2005 1:35 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Clothosfate - True. I wasn't ready for college right away. Took a year off and worked. I really should have taken a few years off, but I eased into it, not taking a full load right away. Or actually, I did take a full load, but strategically dropped what classes I thought I wasn't ready for. I still graduated in four years because I took 44 units in my senior year (including five over the summer).

The top people in my computer science year were mostly older. It was two women really, one being 51 years old at the time. They were both married, and more mature than the "kids" who grew up with computers and did great in comp sci, but poorly in the G.E. classes.

I'll be honest with Junior and tell him that if he's not ready for college, don't go yet. He should go when he's ready.

Tshsmom - I DESPISE backstabbers!

You'd hate Los Angeles then. All the stereotypes you heard about L.A., well, they'll all true.

Bhakti - Thanks. It was fun.

Dee - A huge warm welcome. Always glad to meet new people. Anything goes here, and you will notice that the people on this blog are wonderful human beings, very open and honest with each other. It's a big tent of differing opinions, but everyone gets respected.

11/19/2005 2:18 PM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

...everyone gets respected.

That's why I love this blog so much!

Cheers,
Bhakti

11/19/2005 3:42 PM  
Blogger SME said...

I saw a theatre production of "Closer" before the movie came out, and it creeped me out enough to make me avoid the movie. It's so much like Neil Labute's "Your Friends and Neighbors" that I don't even see the point in watching it, Clive Owen or not.

11/19/2005 4:36 PM  
Blogger Moni said...

Zombie, I want to see you in your crown. You need a sash and bouquet of roses too. ;p No, seriously ZS congrats you deserve it. ;)

11/19/2005 6:16 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Glad you rectified that thing about getting good grades. That is exactly the line my son would have used. I had to work like "all get out" to get him through school.

I went to a community college for two years (San Jacinto Jr. College) simple because I couldn't pay for college any other way. I worked part time and lived at home. I saved my money and transfered to Sam Houston State after my two years. I didn't have one student loan. That was 35 years ago and I'm not sure they had them then. Ha Ha. I've heard many horror stories about paying back student loans. If you can afford to pay more than $100. a month, do it and get that thing paid off... Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

11/20/2005 5:41 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Lucy - I almost went to Sam Houston State, then decided to move back to California instead. My folks remained back in TX where they are to this day.

JC's are a wonderful route. I went for two years and didn't regret it. But I stand by what I said about getting decent grades if you're thinking of going straight to a four-year college. I have some pretty big student loan debts and graduated with $19k in credit cards too, which I complete paid off, but that wasn't fun.

So feel free to use me as an example to your son. Tell him I regret not taking my grades seriously, because it's costing me every month now since I got zero scholarships.

Moni - Thanks. Cameras though for some strange reason break when I'm in front of one.

SME - Looking at imdb.com, Your Friends and Neighbors looks a little bit like Happiness, which was really hard to watch.

Bhakti - And that's why we get along. You have a wonderful sense of humor.

11/20/2005 10:09 AM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

No I don't!
Yes I DO!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm schizophrenic,
And so am I!
---Steven Wright

11/20/2005 7:16 PM  

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