Wednesday, November 16, 2005

If you've got nothing interesting to say...

...tell a joke.

So, rescuers found three survivors in the desert the other day. When interviewed, they discussed how they survived.

The American was carrying an umbrella. "So why were you carrying an umbrella?," the reporter asked.

"So when it got too hot, I opened it up and I was in the shade."

The Mexican carried a bucket of water. "Why were you carrying a bucket of water?"

"So when it got too hot, I drank some and poured the rest on myself."

The Polish guy carried a car door. "Why were you carrying a car door?"

"So when it got too hot, I rolled down the window."



Heh. I heard that one in the 80s and it's still makes me chuckle. I'll be working late today, then going immediately to the internet cafe. Finally, some time to blog.

How's my new job? Well, thanks for asking. It's going great. My last job in Santa Barbara had a lot more hot babes because this place is strictly an engineering place. You know the stereotype of engineering chicks. It's the same as engineering dudes. That means good social skills mean they look at your feet when they talk.

My last job had finance and HR in our office, which means babes at work. Unfortunantely, those people are in another office. Bummer.

I'm making considerably more at this one, not even close. Plus, this company treats its employees much better. The last one took their employees for granted, or at least that's how I felt.

We do have one hot babe. I made her laugh the other day. She's English, and has such a cute English accent. She's half-Indian (dot, not feather) and has one of those bodies that will get a guy like me in trouble for staring.

What I want to know is how come English chicks have cute accents, but English dudes usually sound like goobers? I guess life just isn't fair, is it?

Well, I best get ready for work. Until tonight...

33 Comments:

Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Well, at least they look at their feet when they talk to you. Some men are such friggin idiots that they address your boobs. I was at a club once where this happened, and I finally said "Oh, you're talking to THEM. Hang on a sec..." I poked them. "Guess they're not turned on, yet," I said brightly, then walked away.

11/16/2005 9:43 AM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

You are SO right. Chicks with English accents make me all weak in the knees and cause my IQ to drop 50 points. Australian too.

11/16/2005 9:44 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

"You know the stereotype of engineering chicks. It's the same as engineering dudes. That means good social skills mean they look at your feet when they talk."

So you work inside a Far Side cartoon, huh?

Saurkraut - I do the exact same thing! I hate it when men stare at your chest. I simply tell them that "they don't talk back"...

11/16/2005 10:39 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Ah I remember that joke - still gold!

Glad your new job is going good. :)

11/16/2005 10:43 AM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

uuhhh....don't want to get too Eastern on ya, Zombieguy, but maybe the 'dot' is actually called a 'bindi' and not a 'dot'? (I.e. your indian person clarification parenthiseeeee).

*:)

I, too, am glad that you found a job that you like and that pays you well (or at least 'better').


JOKE:
Guy gets home from work. Wife says, "Where's the car, honey?"
"Oh," he replies, "I'm having it towed. It's cheaper than buying a tank of gas."

Am I a laugh riot, or what??

11/16/2005 12:35 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Saurkraut - I was at a club once where this happened, and I finally said "Oh, you're talking to THEM. Hang on a sec..." I poked them. "Guess they're not turned on, yet," I said brightly, then walked away.

That's hilarious.

ZL - My IQ drops 50 points automatically with any pretty face. 10 more with a sexy accent.

Laura - So you work inside a Far Side cartoon, huh?

More like a Dilbert cartoon. I'd rather work in Far Side though, because at least the surrealism would be entertaining.

Bsoholic - Man, it's getting harder to tell jokes you haven't heard. That's one thing you and I have in common. We've heard probably a combined total of several thousand jokes.

Bhakti - I like that joke. That will get spread around the office when I get back from my lunch break. :)

As for bindi, thanks. I never knew that. My son asked me awhile ago what the bindi meant. I told him that if the bindi is really big, that means they can levitate.

11/16/2005 12:51 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

Dot, not feather. Classic. Funny your observations about the workplace. Always in HR, I've noticed the same thing. Marketing too.

11/16/2005 1:21 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

"What I want to know is how come English chicks have cute accents, but English dudes usually sound like goobers? I guess life just isn't fair, is it?"

Cuz you're a man. Speak for your gender but leave the women out of that one--men with English accents all the sudden seem "smarter" even if they're not. You'll have to trust me. Why do you think Hugh Grant was popular?
They could be a dim-witted sexist pig but the minute they turn on the boyish charm and squeek out a "oh--heh heh, hellooo" with an accent; we're like putty.

11/16/2005 1:23 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

dot, not feather
I like that! I always say INDIAN, indian and people give me a blank look.
Sadie said it better, but I LOVE male english accents!
I LOVE your answers, Saur and Laura! Much nicer than what I've said.

11/16/2005 1:33 PM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

English men are dreamy.

11/16/2005 2:26 PM  
Blogger Moni said...

Hehehe I remember hearing that joke. Still makes me laugh too. ;)

I disagree with you on the accent subject. I think men with British; especially Scottish accents are hot, hot, hot! ;)

11/16/2005 3:36 PM  
Blogger scumbag said...

careful, that dot maybe a bullet wound gone awry. she's probably a zombie

11/16/2005 3:55 PM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

Actually, if the bindi is really big, that means they have a big ring finger (The Kum Kum is applied with the pad of the ring finger). The 'dot' represents the 'Third Eye', or as Jesus would say, the spiritual eye...the Christ Consciousness Center.
Okay...enough theological pontification...

Yes, my father told me that joke last night...I'll let him know the Zombie Slayer liked it! :)

11/16/2005 3:58 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

hey Zomb, the chicks don't sound great to me, they sound pretentious. Some of the guys sound good...

according to Bridg....

11/16/2005 5:09 PM  
Blogger Bo Salisbury said...

dot, not feather

Still chuckling...

No chicks where I work, either... except for the customers and they're hill wimmin'. It's an all-male shop, but not by design.

I'm going to send Camille over to comment on your English "goober" remark.

11/16/2005 7:13 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Scott - Always in HR, I've noticed the same thing. Marketing too.

Dang, totally forgot marketing. The hottest babe at the last job was marketing.

Sadie - Lol! That was so funny reading that. I know you didn't mean it to be funny, but it totally threw me off. I forget how many women I've known in the past just go crazy over guys with English accents. However to a lot of us American men, they seem like dweebs.

Tshsmom - Sadie said it better, but I LOVE male english accents!

Yet another woman for guys with English accents. :p

PC - English men are dreamy.

All right. I'm losing out here. :(

My faux English accent is horrible.

Moni - I disagree with you on the accent subject. I think men with British; especially Scottish accents are hot, hot, hot! ;)

Noooooo! That's four in a row women who swoon over guys with English accents. :(

Shane - careful, that dot maybe a bullet wound gone awry. she's probably a zombie

Well, a dead person with a bullet in the brain can't come back as a zombie. So, no worries. :)

Bhakti - Actually, if the bindi is really big, that means they have a big ring finger (The Kum Kum is applied with the pad of the ring finger). The 'dot' represents the 'Third Eye', or as Jesus would say, the spiritual eye...the Christ Consciousness Center.

You mean no levitation?

Bridget - hey Zomb, the chicks don't sound great to me, they sound pretentious. Some of the guys sound good...

See, that's exactly how I feel, except reverse the genders.

Bo - No chicks where I work, either... except for the customers and they're hill wimmin'. It's an all-male shop, but not by design.
You know, if it's 100% male, it's not a bad thing, because then we don't have to worry about being guys. That's why sometimes I wish I was a mechanic. Plus, the women mechanics I knew were always huge tomboys so I couldn't offend them anyways.

Looking forward to hearing from Camille. I have a bad feeling she likes English men too though. :(

11/16/2005 7:38 PM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

English guys do NOT sound like goobers.

:)

11/16/2005 8:01 PM  
Anonymous Bo Salisbury's Daughter said...

Oh no you di'in't! My fiancé has a proper British accent that is very charming. It makes all MY friends weak in the knees!! He doesn't resemble a goober at all!!

11/16/2005 9:04 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bearette - English guys do NOT sound like goobers.

All right. I have yet to have one woman agree with me here. :(

Camille - Oh no you di'in't! My fiancé has a proper British accent that is very charming. It makes all MY friends weak in the knees!! He doesn't resemble a goober at all!!

Um...
How about those Niners?


Total tally - 7 out of 7 women like guys with English accents. I'm now bummed.

11/17/2005 12:15 AM  
Blogger Truman said...

Oh dang. Accent? I'm in. Kate Beckingsale anyone? I thought so. And yes I figured out that mp3 thingie 'Slayer. You like pretty good music so I'm interested to see what you think of the songs I will post. Congrats on the new Brit-babe-having-job. I lost that sweet janitorial gig and I'm making coffee at one of the really hip cafe's in Tacoma. Lots of scene music chicks! hehehe....

11/17/2005 12:29 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Truman - She definitely has no problem coming in to work in outfits no other woman in the office would wear. Unfortunately, I wouldn't want any other woman in the office except her to wear those outfits.

Tacoma, huh? I roadied for a band called M.A.C. that played a gig or two there. Don't know if you've ever heard of them. They were active in the late 90s then broke up.

I'll have to check out your song later. Everyone's asleep here now, and it would be unfair to play it at a low level. Some music has to be played loud to be appreciated correctly.

11/17/2005 1:03 AM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

Have you heard about this?

"After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days."

True story apparently :)

The best thing about FBF is discovering new blogs. I love yours!

PS - I love it when my husband talks to me with a Russian accent ;) (he's English. Maybe I should do an audio post?

11/17/2005 1:13 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Miladysa - No, I haven't heard that story, but that's one clever bus driver. ;)

Thanks for the compliment. I love yours too, although I have to continually go to wikipedia to understand parts of it. Don't worry, that's a good thing. I need my horizons expanded. :)

11/17/2005 1:34 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

wotchit mate eye speeke gud ing glish.
Studying bums on another blog, you wicked man.

Forty guys entered the bar,
"Serve them one beer each and
treat the bottle tops they give you as one dollar coins", says the driver of a bus from the nut house to the barkeep,
later, "ok said the barkeep,that will be sixty five bucks" "fine said the driver, Can you change two garbage can lids".

11/17/2005 2:31 AM  
Blogger Raemius said...

I was in London twice this year on business.. the only attractive women I saw were non-English... Indian, Half-Indian, Eastern European. By far though, teh INdian girls were the most attractive.

11/17/2005 7:27 AM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

Zombie-Killa: Levitation is what we, in the meditation world, would call a 'siddhi' (supernatural power). A 'siddha' (a perfected yogi, one who is in constant union with the Self) COULD levitate, if they wished to spend their energies that way. However, it is considered a 'bad' thing to do to waste your liberation on such 'magical' proclivities.

11/17/2005 8:19 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAH... "dot not feather"

You crack me up man.

11/17/2005 9:17 PM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

Oh and by the way saurkraut.... LOL very clever!!

11/17/2005 9:19 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Vest - Too funny. Went perfectly with Miladysa's true story.

Raemius - This half-Indian, half-English girl at work is hot! Come visit me in the San Francisco area and I'll try to set you up. ;)

Bhakti - Well, wouldn't levitation impress the babes? Looks like another study for the Zombieslayer Institute of Technology.

Clothosfate - Now I know, thanks to Bhakti, that it's "bindi, not feather."

11/18/2005 12:18 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

Raemius. What creates the attractivity is the half English part

11/18/2005 5:31 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

Cyryl was so excited.
"Daddy, I have just had my first sexual experience"
"Well done Son" say's Daddy,"Sit down and tell me about it"
Cyryl say's "Sorry daddy I can't".

11/18/2005 7:19 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

Did you hear about the Egyptian girl who was allergic to rubber and became a Mummy.

11/19/2005 4:44 PM  
Anonymous wanda said...

My name is Thor said the swedish hunk to the horny girl with a lisp after a night of bonking.
'I'm Thor too darling' she replied,
'I'm tho thor I can hardly Pith.

11/20/2005 12:21 AM  

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