Musician jokes

It's funny how the brain works. It loves to romanticize the past, so you remember the good and conveniently forget the struggles. It's like an ex, sometimes I get the urge to find out how one of them are doing, until my conscience interjects and says "don't be stupid, Zombieslayer. All you did was fight." "Oh yeah," I answer back. "I forgot that."

The same with being a musician. As a musician, I was skin and bones, scraping by and living in crummy areas. Every year, I seemed to barely make it, usually having $400 to my name at any given time. But I look back at those days fondly. I loved performing on stage, acting like an imbicile and playing fast and loud. It was all worth it and looking back, I should have bought Cisco stock. Oh well.

A few jobs ago, I remember having a long conversation with a homeless guy in Santa Barbara. Turns out, he was a musician. So, of course, we swapped horror stories and musician jokes. You may have heard some of these before. If so, too bad. If not, enjoy. You may not get them unless you either are/were a musician or you dated one.

How many lead guitarrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Six. One to change the lightbulb and five to say "I could have done it better."

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

What do you call a guy who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?
A drummer.

A guy walks into the doctor's office. The doctor asks him what's wrong and he says "Doctor, I can't sh*t."
"All right," the doctor replies. "Here, take two of these a day for a week," the doctor says as he hands the guy a bottle of pills.
A week passes and the same guy walks back into the doctor's office. "Doctor, I still can't sh*t."
"All right," the doctor replies. "Take some of these. They're a little bit stronger and they should work better."
Another week passes. The same guy walks back in. "Doctor, I still can't sh*t."
The doctor shakes his head. "Hmm...Those were pretty strong drugs. Okay, I'm going to have to ask you some personal questions."
So the doctor asks all kinds of questions about everything. Finally, he asks the guy's occupation.
"I'm a musician."
"Ah," the doctor exclaims. He reaches into his wallet and hands the guy a $20 bill. "Here, so you can eat."