Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Stupid drivers, the '08 race, and more fun

I can drive to work 70 mph most of the way, unless some jackass starts a pile up. It happened again this morning and I'm getting tired of these dumb drivers. So I thought of a solution.

Remember how your piano teacher whapped you on the hands with a ruler when your hands got lazy? Well, for the guy who starts the pile up, and causes a huge inconvenience for everyone else for the next few hours, we take a random person stuck in traffic behind him and that person gets to whack him on the hands with a ruler, just like your old piano teacher. Sure, it might not be effective in preventing accidents, but it would make being stuck in traffic more fun when you know you have a random shot at whacking the idiot who caused the accident's hands with a ruler.

Looking at '08

It will be interesting to see who the Democrats and the Republicans put up as their Presidential front runners in '08. For the Dems, I hope it's not Wesley Clark. I hate that jackass. You heard what he said about my industry? It was something along the lines of "let them have those jobs. We'll do other things here." What a jerk. How about if I sent him my student loan bill? Feel free to mail him yours as well. I didn't exactly go for a Grad degree in Computer Science to meet babes. That kind of shows how in touch with the American middle-class he is.

Hillary Clinton is taking a strong stance against illegal immigration. Read this Washington Times post for more info. Very interesting.

No, Cheney won't be the Republican. I don't even think Republicans like him. As Quayle was a life insurance policy for Bush's father, Cheney's a life insurance policy for our current Pres. No matter how much someone hates Bush, they'd definitely rather have Bush than Cheney in there.

A night on the town

Went bar hoppin' in San Francisco the other night. I love that city. It's gorgeous, it's clean, and it's gorgeous. Oh, I already said that. Babes galore in the bars too. I'm starting to feel old though because they all look like kids to me now.

Anyways, some white guy came up to me and started talking about how he hates racists. Why do white guys always come up to me and say this? This was about the fifth or sixth time in my life a white guy in a bar came up to me and started talking about how he hates racists. I'm not kidding either.

I was there to chill out and enjoy some beers on tap, not discuss racism. I hate the whole racism issue. It's been talked to death. Geez, we have the NFL playoffs going on. We have a war going on. We may have the biggest flu outbreak since 1919 going on. There. Three real things to talk about.

Or he could have talked about how beer snobs who say America doesn't make good beer are retards. I sincerely enjoyed Anchor Steam on tap. Sierra Nevada's Crystal Wheat is delicious. So is Texas's Shiner Boch. So is Samuel Adams. Now that would have been a good conversation.

Speaking of Avian Bird Flu...

China just donated $10 million to combat Avian Bird Flu. What a joke! Of anyone, China would be benefitting the most. They probably have the most cases of it. Yet, that donation is a slap in the face. Kazakhstan donated $2 million and you can't tell me Kazakhstan has a fifth of China's economy. In fact, they have $132.7 billion in GDP purchasing power parity according to the CIA. China has $8.158 trillion!

For the record, America gave $15 billion to combat AIDS in Africa. Yes, that's billion. China gave $10 million to combat a disease that affects its own people. (America has $12.37 trillion GDP in purchasing power parity so we're not exactly smoking China either). Geez, you know when the zombie plague starts, we can't exactly depend on money from China to fight it. Maybe we should be trading more with Kazakhstan. At least they're not so stingy with their money.

Congrads!

Congradulations to Dave and Jess Barcelona for tying the knot. In case you don't know, Dave was the one who showed me what blogger was. So if you hate my blog, blame Dave, not me. I'd be shootin' pumpkins on the weekends instead of writing zombie slayin' tips if it weren't for Dave.

May you both have long lives together. And name your first son after me too. That would be cool.

32 Comments:

Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

You know, I had to attend an all day meeting on Friday about racism and diversity. I was going to blog about it, but I didn't. However, you have inspired me to speak my mind, since you are always so free with your opinions (and also because I have strong feelings about bullshit workshops). I really admire that about you, whether we see eye-to-eye on issues or not. :-)

1/18/2006 6:14 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

And also, I'm with you on the drivers. How many times have I been irritated with the traffic around here? Ugh!

1/18/2006 6:15 PM  
Blogger Mr. Althouse said...

ZS -

Driving: I don't know, I'm just never in that big of a hurry anymore. Perhaps I've mellowed with age, or it could be too many points on my driving record.

08: I don't have too much to say save this: I don't believe Hillary's recent move to the center will be enough to offset her history on the left.

SF: Nice place to visit, wouldn't want to live there.

Avian Flu: I'm not buying the hype.

Marriage: To all who have taken the plunge or are about to, you have my condolences! ;-{o

1/18/2006 6:31 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Notta - What a waste of time. Looking forward to seeing what you say.

I've been to so many of these dumb sensitivity workshops. Get this. At the company I worked at before, they took two hours explaining that if someone is on crutches, you're supposed to pretend not to notice it. Or if someone has a cast on their arm, same thing. Now, if that isn't the biggest waste of corporate time. :p

Oh yeah, drivers there are maniacs. Heh, I got a ticket several months ago for keeping up with traffic in San Jose. Drove me nuts, because everyone was doing it. If I slowed down and was closer to the speed limit, I would have been tailgated. I don't want to wear one of those neck braces, so I kept up with traffic. What a bull**** ticket.

Althouse - I've actually slowed down consirably. Statistically, if I'm going to die before 70, it will be in a car accident. I smoke maybe five cigarettes a yeaer and drink about four to five drinks a week, which is actually healthier than someone who doesn't drink (drinking moderately thins the blood).

As for Hillary, I won't be voting for her anyways, but I just found it interesting to see her try to prove she's a Centrist.

As for marriage, not bitter, are we? ;)

1/18/2006 6:39 PM  
Blogger Mr. Althouse said...

It was a learning experience. I am deeply indebted (at least I was!).

1/18/2006 6:41 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

I am sure the guy, in San Francisco, was just trying to hit on you and he didn't know what to say.

Hillary will say anything to get elected! She is not to be trusted. Her liberal fangs come out here and there and show her true colors.

Good luck driving those freeways around Houston.

1/18/2006 10:33 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Lucy - I only lived in Houston. I'm now in S.F. And yeah, he probably was hitting on me. :p

As for Hillary, she'd never have my vote. She tried to ban my guns.

Althouse - That's what a pre-nup is for. :(
Oh well. Live and learn is what I've always said.

1/18/2006 10:40 PM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

Every time a stupid driver flashes by I always wish I had a blue light and a warrant card!

1/19/2006 5:07 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Dude, let's petition for the ruler thing! I'm on it! Though, I don't have to take the freeway to work. But, still, I feel your pain.

Um, in '08... Yeah, I was gonna go there but, you know I can't. I just can't! I thought about it though. I really did.

We both went bar hopping. Only you got to do it in San Francisco. Damn you, Slayer! Damn you! Did that guy have anything against zombie slayers at all? 'Cause that's just one form of racism I would not take!

Biggest flu outbreak since 1919?! I knew that! I mean, really. You know how I pay very close attention to the news and politics. Kinda makes sense why all kinds of people out here got the flu, no? I love being so damn smart.

Congrats Dave and Jess! My blessing to you both!

1/19/2006 7:02 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

You have a great blog, as I've said before.

First, as to Hillary... she's been coming out 'against' illegal immigration for months now. Nice move...too bad she doesn't mean it.

China and bird flu: ditto to what you said. I can't believe this even made the news!

As for whacking people with rulers, I would kill for a good laser gun that I could aim at drivers who piss me off. You don't like it? Take THAT! And THAT!

1/19/2006 7:46 AM  
Blogger exMI said...

IN SF a random conversation about racism is probably par for the course. Remember you are in Leftist Central there.

08- Hard to say for the Dems butr for the Rep McCain is the front runner right now.

Do you really think naming a kid "ZombieSlayer" will help him or her out in school? Although it is better than Hunter or Robin.

1/19/2006 7:55 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Miladysa - Me too. There would be some cool things to being a cop.

Jenn - Heh. Maybe we should draft a bill. "Okay, hold out your hands..."

"Ouch!"

"Now, you gonna stop driving like an idiot?"

"Yeah."

Saurkraut - Oh the fantasies of what I'd like to do to other drivers. I've been hit three times in a car and once on foot. Luckily for me no serious injuries. Never my fault. Just drivers being stupid.

Exmi - Well, my first name is "The" so maybe that wouldn't be a good thing. :p

I wonder about McCain. I have a feeling he'll do a Howard Dean and drop front runner status once the veins start sticking out of his neck.

1/19/2006 8:04 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

ZOM. A smack on the hands with a ruler:
I can just imagine the selection process choosing a feminine guy named Cyril, Desmond, or Dasy to administer the admonishment to a huge hairy arsed leather clad Biker,"Ooh You Naughty Boy".
No; not a good Idea Zom, it Smacks of vigilante-ism.
Surely your gay Traffic Police -HWY patrol blokes would be the best people to smack the hands of offenders.
In Oz, offending drivers in similar circumstances could wind up with a size nine in the Goolies.

1/19/2006 11:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

as the cop unzipped his pants the lady said 'Oh no not the breathalizer again'

1/19/2006 11:37 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Notta: You MUST work in Education right? I should post about the sham that "diversity" has become in education. At least at the collegiate level, it's all about numbers. What percent of our student body is what ethnicity = diversity. As if that's the only kind of diversity that exists.

I am interested in seeing who crawls out from under what rock for the 2008 race. Frist seems to have been preening himself lately. I think it's a mistake for Dems to run Hillary - she's tainted. Maybe by 2016 or 2020 Obama will be ready - he'd make an outstanding president some day.

As for the GOP - Lord knows (literally) who they'll pick. McCain would do well, and he's fairly moderate. I've always said if I had to choose a Republican to run the country, he'd be it.

1/19/2006 11:57 AM  
Blogger Moni said...

Ha! Don't you Cali drivers whack stupid drivers anyway...in the form .357 Mag? Jussst kidding!

'08--Hilary is taking a strong stance agianst illegal immigration; don't worry I'm sure she'll change it. lol

a night on the town-- You attract guilty honky cats who need to purge themsleves for their ancestors sins. Dude are you black?! I had no idea! ;P (kidding!)
From what you say, you look more like a Native American than I do.

Avian Flu--China's making a show and that's all it is...just so they can appear to be helping so the 'rich Americans' can anti-up and foot the rest of the bill. And that's exactly what WILL happen.

Annnd Congratulations to Dave and Jess. Bless you.

1/19/2006 3:42 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Laura - I'd be interested to learn more about the beaureaucratic BS that happens at the collegiate level. I think I'm wading waist deep in shit sometimes at the elementary level. I'll keep an eye-out on your blog. :-)

1/19/2006 4:31 PM  
Blogger Okie said...

That Wesley Clark IS a moron. I can't believe he carried OK in the last primary. More proof that our state's democratic party is completely clueless.

I hope McCain runs if for no other reason because you know he will make things interesting. I could vote for him. As for the dems, I hope they trot 'ol Hillary out there, but will they really be that stupid?

Oh, and I love the Shiner Bock too. That's a good beer.

1/19/2006 4:35 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Dave will make such a cool Dad!!

Wine snobs were bad enough. Now we have beer snobs; ALL beer is nasty to me. The WORST are water snobs. C'mon people, it ALL comes out of a tap somewhere!

1/19/2006 4:57 PM  
Blogger mckay said...

hate hillary. love condi. love sam adams and my fav is new castle ale.

it's 5:13 and i can't wait to get home and pop a cold one.

(the beer, not hillary).

1/19/2006 5:13 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Vest - Whoa. Those were some strong martinis.

Now, I guess I'm supposed to reply to your comment. Alright. I'll try.

Just put the highway patrolman nearby. Don't worry, some wimp would be fine slapping a scary *ss biker dude on the palms. Don't worry, this is America. Even the wimps are armed, remember? ;)

Anon - Yer gonna get me in trouble. ;)

Laura - That's interesting. I knew there was some conservative in you, and I've always wondered which Republican you'd like.

Even liberals have conservative tendencies, and you know this conservative has a lot of liberal tendencies.

So, McCain, huh?

As for Obama, I've heard a lot, but mostly from you. Yeah, 2016. He might be Pres that year. We'll see.

Moni - I look Native American. One of these days, I'll list my ethnicities. It's a long list, for we were in America a long, long time. That's what gets me about these Nazi types in America. They think anyone is pure bred here? They have to be smokin' crack. We are so mixed here.

Notta - I'm surprised you've never read Laura's blog. Laura's great. We agree on little, but Laura's taught me much nevertheless. I have utmost respect for Laura. She writes one of my fav blogs.

Okie - Shiner Boch should be nationwide. It's real !@#$%^& good beer. That was the only beer I've ever drank with Dad. Dad's a non-drinker, and it kind of bums me out that I've only had one beer with him in my life.

Hillary will get slaughered. She has half the charisma that Bill has. Love or hate Bill, you have to admit the guy has charisma. Hillary doesn't know how to hide her mean side, and yes, she makes Howard Dean look like a nice guy.

Tshsmom - Water snobs? They should be beaten out of general principle. Water is water is water. It's two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen. What's to be snobbish about?

McKay - Had many, many Newcastles at Q's bar in Santa Barbara, CA. They have it on tap. Good beer.

1/19/2006 9:56 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Zombie: I'm just saying I could tolerate McCain. He's not a radical whackjob. He's for campaign finance reform, he's against our administration's abhorrent treatment of detainees overseas, and he seems the type to be reasonable and able to compromise. Would I choose him over, say, Clinton - not a chance. Over Bush or Frist - absolutely. In fact, in Illinois, you don't have to be registered with a particular party to vote in the primary, so if the GOP race seems to be swinging in the direction of a whacko - I'll vote in the GOP primary.

1/20/2006 5:16 AM  
Blogger Slade said...

You know who I would LOVE to see as our president? Barak Obama (sp?) But it will never happen cuz he's black.

One of my friends had an interesting theory. He thinks that Cheney will step down soon due to health conditions and that makes Condi our new VP...then they will have her run for prez in the future. I think it would be a brilliant political move by the conservatives "see! We do like black people and women!"

1/20/2006 5:18 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Zombie said "Laura's great. We agree on little, but Laura's taught me much nevertheless. I have utmost respect for Laura. She writes one of my fav blogs."

Awwwwwwwwwww. Feeling's mutal man. ;)

1/20/2006 5:18 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

People can be so stupid and transparent. I saw a movie with Nathan Lane, who always plays himself--a gay person. Some guy said to him, "I have a friend who is gay." Lane gets that bemused look on his face, "Oh really, how nice."

As for 08, just give me someone who is for real. Like the Zombieslayer.

1/20/2006 8:20 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Laura - McCain is a lot more charismatic than Bush. That's one thing we lack as a country, is a charismatic leader. As much as I didn't like Clinton or Bush Sr., both of them knew how to get other nations to do what they wanted.

Slade - Condi if she ran may be our first woman President. I think she'd have a shot. Obama's an interesting figure. Don't count him out, for he's one of those guys that people underestimate. He'd be like the Wild Card team that surprises everyone and goes on to win the Super Bowl.

Scott - I can't be President. I know my limits. I think the farthest I'd go would be Congressman.

Funny about Lane. I just love it when people say "I have a friend who's..."

Well, whooptie do for them. It's because people nowadays try too hard to be "tolerant," and it ends up backfiring because it's transparent.

1/20/2006 8:31 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

So you're feelin old in the bars these days eh?

Well maybe this will make you feel better. When my love first set eyes on me, almost 10 years ago now, he saw me in the grocery store with some friends. He said he noticed me because of my big smile and nice legs and he thought to himself: "I am never going to get to be with beautiful young women like that ever again.. I am so old" he was about 40 and I was about 20 at the time. We actually met about 2 years later (and I was immediatly smitten) and two years after that I was chasing him, and I got him!

Now I know you have the lovely Mrs. Zombieslayer so you don't need some young beautiful woman chasing you, but none the less, you get my point.

And I LOVE your idea for punishing accident causers!! I hated when my piano teacher did that.

1/20/2006 9:00 AM  
Blogger Kurt said...

So much to digest in such a short post! Excellent idea on the traffic.
Re: Immigration reform - Dick Morris makes the same mistake almost every politican does when they discuss reform. They misread the Hispanic voters thoughts on the issue (notice I said voters). The many I know (I married in) are almost universal in the feeling that tightening the borders is a good idea. While no one favors cruelty, almost all Americans are in favor of security. I think there are many business interests that are the real road block to meaningful enforcement.
The mojos I know don't trust any aspect of the goverment and would not register for a guest worker program. It is their general belief that such a program would only make it easier for INS to deport them.
Hillary is doing the smart thing politically though. Kerry missed many opportunities to move Bush further and further to the right during the last campaign. Bill Clinto was the master at it.
Nice to read you again.

1/20/2006 1:23 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

Zom. Within my first two hours in America, I met my first pumpkin shooter.
Excerpt: At Charleston,SC I went ashore as the ships 'Limey' representative of the U.S.Navy shore patrol. During a discussion an American officer asked me why I pronounced the the rank of Lieutenant as 'leftenant' and not 'Lootenant'.
"Both spell Lieutenant" I replied.
"However, our pronunciation doesn't infer they live in lavatories.
Later we attended a domestic dispute inside of a trailer park that housed married U.S.Navy personnel. When we arrived, a very angry person with a shotgun fired at us, shattering the windshield of our truck. The driver then backed up and the Police were called.
When I arrived back on board my ship , I was asked, "How did things go?" I replied,
"It was a very quiet evening, according to the yanks".

1/20/2006 5:21 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Clothosfate - Ha! There was someone out there who got slapped on the hands with a ruler.

I admit. I never was. My piano teacher was this lady named "Rocky." Yup, no joke. That was her name. She was really nice and patient.

Yeah, I got Mrs. Zombieslayer and love her to death. I'm not exactly feeling old, but it's a weird feeling walking into a bar and seeing the other patrons as "kids."

Kurt - The many I know (I married in) are almost universal in the feeling that tightening the borders is a good idea.

Almost every Mexican-American voter I know is for tightening the border. Actually, I think it's every but one. But then again, the ones I hang with are more business-minded.

But yes, it is business that's blocking us. It's all about greed.

Vest - So many military housing places in America are violent. That's a known thing.

1/20/2006 6:19 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

That's weird: I had a mild panic attack about the bird flu just the other day and I was going to post about it today until Dan decided to take the computer.
I need some more information on it.

1/20/2006 7:59 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Sadie - As of now, we're safe. It appears to be confined to the Asian continent. Plus, that one flu medication wards it off.

You'll hear scares that people have taken that flu medication and still died, but that's because either they were weak to begin with (usually very old people) or they took it too late and were already near death.

Now if it mutates, we could be in trouble. The people who really have to worry are those living in an urban setting. If I'm not mistaken, you should be safe where you are. You're still much much more likely to have something bad happen to you in a car accident than Avian Bird Flu.

1/20/2006 8:17 PM  

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