Thursday, January 12, 2006

Jumpstart my one-eyed Ford, I'm headin' for the Pow Wow

I'm not an American Indian, I just play one on T.V. However, since I've always had a fascination with history, including American history, I spent some quality time studying Native Americans and their cultures.

TNT in the 90s produced a string of Native American movies that were actually quite good. Robbie Robertson produced the musical end of it, contributing several songs himself and using Indian bands and musicians for the other songs.

Mine and Mrs. Z's song is called "Golden Feather" from the album Music for the Native Americans by Robbie Robertson and the Red Road Ensemble. You might want to pick it up on Amazon or where ever you buy your music from.

Some of the lyrics aren't too kind to us Americans. As pro-America as I am, I'd readily admit that our dealings with the Indians have been considerably less than ideal. I'm hoping our relations in the 21st century will be much better.

For my hot Indian babes, you'll have to wait. I saw a string of Indian movies in the 90s, but I don't remember that far back very well. I remember several cute actresses and if I only remembered the names of the movies, I could imdb the actresses.

Indian names

One day, a young boy asked his mother how Indians get their names.

"Well, you see Running Deer? She got her name when she was born. Her mother looked out the window and saw a running deer and thus, she got her name."

The boy's mother continued. "And Soaring Eagle? His aunt told his parents that she saw an eagle soar when he was born."

"And as for you, Dog Taking A Dump..."

Why it's so important to be interesting

And while we've degraded to toilet humor, this is why it's imperative that you're an interesting person. See, another reason I don't want anyone I work with to know I have this blog is if anyone knew, I couldn't rip on my co-workers.

We have one hot babe at work and that's it. In fact, it's so bad that my standards have lowered to the point that there are two women that are quasi-cute that I had to bump up to cute status.

One of the "cute" girls the other day farted. We had a group of us talking about something work related and she tried to squeeze out a silent one. Well, it turned out that the fart came out with enough force to make a noise against the seat. She gave that look like she hoped nobody noticed, but I noticed, I just didn't say anything. I don't know if anyone else noticed.

If she were interesting, I'd have something else to remember her by, like a funny joke, a cute story, anything. Now, the only thing I think of when I see her is that fart. So much for her honorary cute status.

You're in my thoughts and prayers

This one goes out to Bhakti who's undergoing some nerve repair in her back. Bhakti - Thanks for all the laughs and your good spirits. Your strength is inspiring. I'm sure you'll be fine. Will miss you while you're recovering.

Have a good weekend all. I'll be away from computers all weekend so see you all Monday.


Blogger Vest said...

Zom. I believe the mother named her other son 'Two Dogs Bonking'.

1/13/2006 12:49 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

OMG... A similar thing happened at John's old company. A woman let out an SBD in a big meeting and she cleared the room - people ran screaming. Everyone knew it was her too. I thankfully have my own office with a window that opens (a rarity in chicago skyscrapers now) and rarely get unexpected visitors, so I can let fly whenever I want. ;)

1/13/2006 5:21 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Vest - Yup, heard both versions of the joke.

Laura - Well, good thing you have a window that opens, just in case you have to dispose of an infected co-worker.

1/13/2006 8:07 AM  
Anonymous Jesse said...


There is a good writer named Sherman Alexie, who grew up on a Spokane reservation. Mostly his characters are kids growing up on the res. I would definitely suggest checking his work out.

For short stories:
"The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven" is a really fun collection that will give you a good taste.

For a novel:
"Reservation Blues" is great. About some friends on the res, rock & roll, and Robert Johnson's guitar.

One of my favorite things about his work is that he is quite good at weaving the past and present into a sort of seamless narrative, which seems like it is especially important in when your characters are native American folks working through what it means to be Indian in a modern society that is mostly either functionally cowboy or hippie/yuppie.

1/13/2006 8:42 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Love the joke! LMAO!

I think you're on to something there though, it is important to be interesting. So many times uninteresting people are remembered for mundane or embarrasing things, just like your 'girl who farted'.

Have a good weekend yourself!

1/13/2006 8:54 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

I'm fascinated with native american history. I've read a lot of journals from an online resource that recounts experiences some people had in the old days that lived among them. Notably I remember one from a man who lived with the Apaches. Apparently the warriors were fierce and cruel, but if their mother told them to do something, they did it, including the sparing of an enemy bitter hated. I also read a book written by a man who lived among the Nez Perce and Blackfoot. I can't remember the title, but I'll look it up if you are interested. Mark Twain hated Robert Louis Stevenson (I think this is the man) who wrote Last of the Mohicans, because the author romanticized the indian and created a lasting image that wasn't true.

1/13/2006 10:44 AM  
Anonymous Jesse said...

Scott -- Twain had a great essay that made of James Fennimore Cooper. Cooper wrote stories about the frontier (Western NY) without having actually experienced 'frontier' life.

Twain rips into 'Cooper indians' who don't act like real indians.

The essay is stinkin' high-larious.

1/13/2006 12:06 PM  
Anonymous levi said...

It's funny how quickly (a boring) someone can fall from honorary cute status into the ranks of not-cute. All it takes is one fart, booger or whatever and *bam!* - demoted. It's at times like that that we have to rely on our other positive attributes to keep us from the pack of weirdos. Heaven help us if we don't have any!

Good post, Zombie.

1/13/2006 12:07 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Have a swell weekend!
Here's a joke for when you come back:

A little child walks up to her mom and says,
"Why did you name me daisy?"

the mom says,
"Because your father brought me daisies in the hospital and a petal fell off and landed on your head."

another child comes up and says,
"Well then, why did you name me Rose?"

The mom says,
"Because your father brought me roses in the hospital and a petal fell off and landed on your head."

the last child walks us and says,
" gahs sajdhfjd kdjeejkn nsjhd?"

the mom says,
"Be quiet Cinder Block."


1/13/2006 1:35 PM  
Blogger Moni said...

My great grandmother was Cherokee. I really need to learn more about that facet of my heritage. I never got to go to that Pow Wow I was posting about on my blog. But believe me I'll go to one the next chance I get.

I love the joke, you did promise an Indian joke...thanks it made me laugh. ;D

There you go talking about bodily functions...I can't stand it! ROTHLMAO! Pleassse don't equate that poor woman with farts. lol


1/13/2006 4:59 PM  
Anonymous dave said...

Levi You are afraid of calling a spade a spade, am I right?
Your irrevocable perfectionism is noted.
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
I shall now cry in my beer for the redemption of that poor soul hidden within your comment. groink groink.

1/13/2006 5:22 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

Jesse - Thanks for correcting me there. I'm glad I put in the "I think" part now. That's cool that you remember it.

1/13/2006 6:00 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Jesse - I heard of the first book you mentioned. Never heard the author's name, but heard a lot of good stuff about that book.

When are you going to start a blog? You're such a good writer and have so much interesting stuff to say.

Bsoholic - So many times uninteresting people are remembered for mundane or embarrasing things, just like your 'girl who farted'.
Yeah, I really think this is a reason to be interesting, so they'll be a lot to remember you by. Remember Dan Quayle? Can anyone remember anything about him other than he can't spell potato?

Scott - Yeah, Indians are glamorized to the point of silliness. Nowadays, it's the hippies who glamorize Indians.

I read Geronimo's autobiography, and it was interesting because he was saying that the Americans were more fair with him than the Mexicans. The Americans just wanted to make them settle down, the Mexicans wanted to kill them.

It turned out later that the Americans loved him. He was a rock star in America, because Americans respect a real warrior, even when he's an enemy.

Geronimo is one of my heroes. That guy was unstoppable, and only surrended (twice) because he was tired of running.

Levi - Heh. Yeah, boogers can definitely drop a babe status.

Sadie - Lol! Love that one. I haven't left yet. Waiting for traffic to die down.

Moni - It's sad, because she's a nice girl. She's just not interesting. That's all I have to remember her by.

Go to a Pow Wow. I love going to them. You get a chance to learn about your culture.

I'm not Indian myself, but the joke about playing one on TV is almost real, because when my hair was long, I was always mistaken for one (I'm a strange mixture of races so I'm kind of like a blank slate for others to guess at).

1/13/2006 7:14 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

All - No comments on the mp3? I hope somebody's listening to it. I really think that album is good. And no, it's not heavy metal. It's American Indian music.

1/13/2006 7:15 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

I heard the version Vest did but it's still funny.

Zomb, it could be that the thing just slipped out (fart wise). I really wouldn't hold it against her (well unless it happens all time).

What's an SBD?


1/13/2006 8:21 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

p.s. thanks for the post on Native Americans. Our family has a deep interest in them and thankfully most of the elementary schools (all billion of them) that I went to did also.

Have done a lot of work with First Peoples as they're called up here. Ashamed of North America's treatment of them but you can't change the past--you can build a better future.

Posts like yours sure help...Bridg

1/13/2006 8:23 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bridget - Silent But Deadly.

She didn't slip it out. She tried to sneak it out and was unaware that the force of it would give it away.

As for the First Nations, I think it's about time that we let them do what they need to do without interferring. They're smart people, and I think we're holding them back by interferring with them.

I know I personally learned a lot from them the little time I've spent with them.

1/13/2006 8:58 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/13/2006 9:59 PM  
Anonymous jesse said...


I do my part in Native American Reparations by donating down at the Chumash Casino. They've stolen my ponies a time or two.

Think I have personally made up for the Red Cloud War AND anything they ever did to Geronimo.

Geronimo was a pretty interesting cat. In all the battles and all the firefights, he was never hit with a bullet -- just like Wyatt Earp.

By the way, if you see pictures of Apache, they look different from what you might expect, more like Inuit than like many of the Plains Indians.
The Apache language (and I think Navajo as well?) is a pocket of Athabascan-related languages, surrounded by Uto-Aztecan languages from Mexico. Basically, it looks like they were more closely related to the Indians of the Pacific Northwest, Canada and Alaska than to those immediately surrounding them.

Crazy Injuns!

1/14/2006 8:57 AM  
Blogger jenbeauty said...


1/14/2006 5:22 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

zomb, you may have interpreted 'worked with' differently than I meant it, but it's all good

1/14/2006 8:33 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

OK, I'll comment on the song. I had no idea that Robbie Robertson was still recording. Thanks for the heads up. L and I have always liked his music. I personally feel that he has a lot more talent than Dylan(L disagrees). From what I've heard, this album is a must have for us!

Geronimo and Chief Joseph have always been my heroes.

1/15/2006 7:00 AM  
Blogger Mokuyobi said...

yeah canada has some really rich First Nations history and culture (do you guys call it First Nations down there?) But there's also a lot of racism on both sides. I feel about as discriminated against as I have felt discriminatory at times. But there is some COOL shit especially on the Queen Charlotte island where i have never been but hear that its amazing. The Haida Gwaii pre-date the ice age because when the glaciers came down across canada they missed the Haida Gwaii islands. So they're super ancient culture.

1/15/2006 12:45 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Jesse - You are correct. My brother's a linguist and did a lot of research on Native American languages. If I remember correctly, the Apaches were some of the more nomadic of Indian tribes, covering up a huge territory. I forgot where he said they were originally from, but they definitely weren't from where they ended up.

As for Chumash, Dave's given his share he owes to the Injuns to the Chumash peoples via their casino. We now have a verb "Chumash."

An example is you have a King and a Jack, of which you'll obviously stay. Dealer shows a four. You smile to yourself, and your smile gets bigger when the Dealer flips over a Queen. Then the Dealer gives himself a seven. You just got Chumashed.

Jenbeauty - Hey babe!

Bridget - Heh, probably did.

Tshsmom - I'd have to agree with you. I've always thought Dylan was overrated. Hope my father doesn't read this. ;)

Chief Joseph is Nez Pearce, right? I barely know him. Looks like I need to hit the books harder. Love Geronimo.

Mokuyobi - That sounds cool. Would love to see that. I think the last ice age was 10-12k years ago, if I'm not mistaken. That means that culture must really be old.

Yeah, some say First Nations, but if you say "First Nations" to the average American, only about 10% would know who you're talking about. The name hasn't caught on here yet.

As for racism, oh yeah. There's still plenty on both sides. We still have a long way to go with Native American relations. :(

1/16/2006 7:43 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Chief Joseph tried to take his tribe to safety in Canada. He would have made it, but he refused to leave the women and children behind. He made a LOT of powerful and beautiful statements, but I can't remember any at the moment. Big time CRS! :(

1/16/2006 1:38 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - Dang. Sounds like somebody I really need to research.

1/16/2006 6:53 PM  

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