Saturday, January 21, 2006

The Love Doctor is In

Bummer of a birthmark, Hal

You know what really sucks? It sucks when a woman is wearing a t-shirt with what could be a cool saying on it. You get the urge to actually read what the !@#$%^& t-shirt says, but you're afraid that if you try to read it, she'll think you're checking out her hoo hoos.

So you have to wait until her eyes wander elsewhere so you can quickly read the t-shirt. Then you read it and you have a laugh. Cool tee, right?

Well, you didn't notice that a few other people saw you trying to read the t-shirt and from their angle, they didn't see that she had a cool saying on it. All they saw was some perv checking out her hoo hoos while she looked at something else. It is at that moment when you realize that life is not fair.

They call me Dr. Love

I'll tell you everything you've always wanted to know about love right here right now. Guess what? It's not that complex. Find someone who doesn't try to change you, who likes you as is, and who you can get along with and grow old with. That's it.

Instead, we try to make it out to be some complex thingie and try to read into every single little thing so some dumb scam artist on t.v. could get rich. It's not that complex.

Conservative Men with Liberal Women

And speaking of love, why is it that there are so many people I know where the husband's a conservative and the wife's a liberal, and they get along great? My marriage is a perfect case. She calls herself a "liberal Green." Every election, we cancel out each other's vote. I vote third party right-wing, she votes third-party left-wing. Neither of our candidates ever win of course. Bummer.

We never argue about politics. We just accept the other's position. That's it, end of story.

Has me wondering though why liberal women often like conservative men. Here are some hypotheses. Let me know which one you think has the most validity. In other words, vote. Yes, your big chance to vote on The Zombieslayer blog.

1) Liberal women prefer conservative men because they know liberal men if they even have a job make crap salaries and they don't exactly want to support his lazy *ss because she already has herself to support,
2) Liberal men are too sensitive. Women all say they want a guy who's sensitive but when it comes down to it, sensitive guys only hear the evil words. I think we all know what the evil words are, so I'm not going to pollute my fine website with them.
3) Opposites attract. End of story.
4) Conservative men tend to be more manly men than liberal men, i.e., conservative men can change a tire, skin a buck, and catch a fish. Liberal men stop the car and cry when they see a dead cat on the side of the road. Or...
5) Women tend to be more liberal and men tend to be more conservative so it's a complete coincidence and the Zombieslayer's being a retard for seeing something that isn't there.

So, no zombie slayin' tips this weekend. It's all about the love, baby. What do you need to know? You got questions, I got answers.


Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

OOH! Firsties!

As for the tees, don't buy it. The girl has a crazy "check me out" tee because she wants you to...

read it?


1/21/2006 5:05 AM  
Blogger Slade said...

you know what I can't stand? the women who wear t-shirts that say in large letter across their breatst: I'm up here (with an arrow pointing up)

well no shit!

1/21/2006 5:55 AM  
Blogger neal said...

I go ahead and read the tees. If the girl catches me and says something I just tell her she shouldn't be buying and wearing shirts with stuff written right across her hoo hoos.

My wife and I are both conservative, my wife even more so than me. I can understand your though process though...

1/21/2006 5:57 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

"...and who you can get along with and grow old with. That's it."
I don't think anyone considers the growing old part anymore. They base their relationships on hormones, not companionship. My mother always told me to marry my best friend, so I did!

Your conservative/liberal thing must be regional. In our area liberal men make more money. It's true that they can't change a tire, or pound a nail, but they can afford to hire it done.
L and I are both fairly conservative, although L is farther left than I am. We've both always been able to argue both sides of an issue. We thrive on this kind of intellectual stimulation.

Don't be sneaky. Read the shirt. You're only a perv if you talk to her while staring at her chest. ;)

1/21/2006 6:03 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

i agree with sauerkraut. Although, i sometimes wear t-shirts because i love the sayings. i once saw a t-shirt that said "The best girls come from the trailer park," but it was too offensive to buy. Oh well.

Also agree with tshsmom...marrying your best friend. But there has to be some chemistry in the mix. I think that's the only thing you left out.

My husband and i are both liberal, but it's all good.

1/21/2006 7:18 AM  
Blogger New Mezger said...

My husband and I are both liberal, but I have one more to add...Conservative men dress better.
I love the man, but GI Joe tshirts to work? Come on now, honey!

1/21/2006 7:33 AM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Hmm, I just avoid that whole scenario with the shirts - mine don't say anything. That way, if a guy looks at my chest, I know what he's looking at. Incidentally, I've had just as many women look at my chest as men. Go figure. :-P

Regarding relationships - I agree with you. I think that, when people are younger though, they think it has to be more complex than that. Also, my guy is definitely more liberal (and makes at least three times the $ that I do) than I am, but neither of us is very far to one side. We've had to learn to agree to disagree on things - not just politics, but religion. Actually, makes for some interesting conversations between the two of us.

1/21/2006 8:11 AM  
Blogger lime said...

LMAO. i think it's all about #3, plain and simple. mr lime accuses me of being a bleeding heart liberal simply becasue i refuse to declare a political party and he is a republican. i just say i figure if i agree with any party enough to want to join them then i have sold part of my soul. i vote every november though.

when i was first online 4 years ago i foudn some goofy personality test and took it for amusement. then i called out the questions to mr. .lime and he tried very hard to ignore it all.. limelette#1 very astutely offered, 'oh mom, just fill inthe exact opposite of whatever your answers were and that will be dad's result.'

1/21/2006 8:36 AM  
Anonymous Melanie said...

Zombie- Such a good post. I could never be married to a lib/senstive man simply because of their choice of footwear. Call me crazy but it seems that many a liberal man enjoys the open-birkienstock-long-toenail-look. And we musn't forget the ever popular and sensitive ponytail, complimented by the small gold hoop in the ear.
I'm sure it works for some, just not for me.

1/21/2006 8:45 AM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Umm... H is liberal and he doesn't wear birks and a ponytail. He's a pretty clean-cut guy. The worst fashion atrocity he's committed was wearing tennis shoes with khakis, which I quickly addressed. :-P I have to admit though, he's more sensitive than I am... Not sure it has as much to do with his political views, but more to do with his upbringing.

BTW, I must concur with Saur and Slade - the only reason I would wear a tshirt with print is to get even more attention.

1/21/2006 9:36 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Saurkraut - Heh. You know, I had a feeling that they wanted me to look, then catch a guy in the act. It's a conspiracy, a trap.

Slade - Yup. Kind of like wearing a 1+1=2 shirt. Doesn't really say anything.

Neal - Funny, I had a feeling she'd be more liberal.

Tshsmom - My mother always told me to marry my best friend, so I did!

Yeah, I strongly think couples should be friends first. The lust will come. Plus, with friendship comes communication.

Bearette - Yeah, not every couple is a mix of conservative/liberal. But I'm finding it's pretty common.

As for the chemistry, ours just happened.

New - very true. Here's a stereotype, but men's sandals are gross. Conservative men never wear sandals.

Notta - Your political rants are always interesting because you're not one side on all issues. There are some things we agree on 100%, and some we completely disagree on. So I imagine you have some good political discussions with your bf. The Mrs. and I avoid politics because we know we won't agree, but we accept that.

Lime - I don't see you as a liberal. You're one of those unclassifyable people, which is good and bad. The bad is because it's hard to find a candidate you'd be at least 80% with. Or at least that's my read about you.

Melanie - Very little in this world is more gross than men's feet. women's feet can be really sexy if they take care of them, but men's feet are just gross.

Nothing like eating breakfast at work and a liberal guy comes up to me and starts talking about something work related, then I have to grab something from my desk drawer and as I do, I see his umkempt feet. Yuck! I no longer want to finish my breakfast.

Notta - Tennis shoes with khahkis? That's a huge fashion faux pas. Conservatives may be stiff (and dance like Frankenstein's monster), but at least we understand fashion and grooming. ;)

1/21/2006 9:59 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

Men's sandals are nast. I only know one guy who successfully wears sandals, and I think it only works because his feet are tiny (which is disturbing in itself).

1/21/2006 12:44 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bearette - Yes they are. I saw a dude in the elevator with webbed toes. He wore sandals. He must have had some real good self-esteem.

1/21/2006 1:32 PM  
Blogger neal said...

No, not at all. She is very conservative in her ways of thinking. She has very strong opinions of right and wrong and discipline and punishment. She thinks us Americans are way to easy on our criminals. She also thinks it is absurd that parents are held responsible for the actions of their kids but they are not allowed to spank them for fear of child abuse charges. I could go on but the fact is she is not liberal by any means.

1/21/2006 5:14 PM  
Blogger Modern Day Stonewall said...

I vote #4 definately. The fact is, liberal's are not manly enough. And yes, sandals on guys are gay. I have a proud record of never-ever buying any sandals other than one dollar Wal-mart flip-flops for the beach or something. Tennis shoes, or better yet, combat boots are my preference.

Zombie (regarding the comment on my blog): To do a flutter kick, you simply lay flat on your back and move your legs rapidly up and down without bending the knees.

btw, nice blog. i liked your analysis of liberal-conservative relationships.

1/21/2006 5:33 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

ZS - H is sometimes baffled by political views. Perhaps it's because I grew up not talking much about politics, but I had very strong views about certain things. The terms "liberal" and "conservative" were never used in our household. As far as the khaki situation goes, have no fear, I have nipped that in the bud. :-P I agree with not changing someone fundamentally, but if they need help with fashion sense, then I have no problem asserting my authorit-ay. ;-)

1/21/2006 5:34 PM  
Blogger Modern Day Stonewall said...

P.S. Are you a libertarian?

1/21/2006 5:40 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Neal - Completely agreed on the spanking and violent criminals with your wife.

Stonewall - Nope, not a Libertarian, although I voted for Bednarik in the last Presidential election. Economic conservative, Libertarian on social issues, Nationalistic, and have strong environmental beliefs, so hard to classify.

Notta - Heh. I could see you watching South Park. Too funny.

1/21/2006 6:01 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Socks w/sandals are worse than khakis w/tennis shoes!

1/21/2006 6:22 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - No argument there from yours truly.

1/21/2006 6:39 PM  
Blogger Mr. Althouse said...

I read the shirts. If they don't want me to, they shouldn't wear them. Sometimes though, I can read verrrry slowly!

As far as the liberal/conservative theory, I get along well with anybody that can think for themselves. Whatever position one may hold, if it's based in consideration of all sides and not emotional hype, fanaticism, blind loyalty or rhetoric, then I can respect it, although not necessarily agree with it.

Since the only mrs. althouse in my life is my mother, I'll recuse myself from any insightful comment regarding political temperment and marriage.


1/22/2006 12:03 AM  
Blogger SME said...

The lib-con thing is reversed with me and Richard: I'm more or less conservative and he's more or less a pinko. But, like you and Mrs. Z., we don't argue about it. Makes for some interesting conversations, though.

1/22/2006 6:55 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

SME, your "political junkie" can argue both sides of ANY issue. ;)
Now, if we could just get him to not bring politics up with your grandparents...

ZS, you'd LOVE Richard; he's met Ralph Nader.

1/22/2006 7:04 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Althouse - Whatever position one may hold, if it's based in consideration of all sides and not emotional hype, fanaticism, blind loyalty or rhetoric, then I can respect it, although not necessarily agree with it.

Yeah, me too. I could care less where someone stands politically if they're cool. When an argument degrades to name calling, the argument is over.

SME - Heh. I've seen couples like that too, but very rarely.

Tshsmom - Cool. Seen him speak live in Santa Barbara. He's actually a pretty good speaker.

1/22/2006 9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

L O REAL F L on sadies blog. Now.

1/22/2006 1:05 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Anon - Thanks for the tip. headin' over....

1/22/2006 2:21 PM  
Blogger Dawner said...

I really don't look at people as liberal or conservative I look at them as human beings. People in general can't be liberal or conservative because everyone crosses the boundaries of just being themselves. Why stereo type yourself to one or the other. I myself am just me. Take it or leave it. As for the Tee-shirts I think that alot of them are funny but agree in the esscence of who ever is wearing them certainly wants some kind of reaction to it. They most certainly know they are going to get one when they buy them.

1/22/2006 3:44 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Dawner - People in general can't be liberal or conservative because everyone crosses the boundaries of just being themselves. Why stereo type yourself to one or the other.

True. It's pretty rare to meet someone who is all one way or another on every issue.

1/22/2006 3:59 PM  
Blogger lime said...

dammit zombie, you just successfully classified me. and i always took such pride in being indefinable!

and youare right, it's nearly mpossible to find a candidate i am at least 80% happy with

1/22/2006 9:44 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Find someone who doesn't try to change you, who likes you as is, and who you can get along with and grow old with. That's it.

I did that. . . didn't work in my favor. Boo!

Um, obviously, I don't care if they're liberal or conservative, as long as they don't try pushing their side on me. Talking about it, fine, enforcing it is a no go.

1/23/2006 4:49 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Lime - I'm happy when I find a candidate that I agree with 50% of the time.

Jenn - Yeah, people who can't accept that I have a different political belief piss me off. I've known a few people who can't stand it when people think differently from them. Then they have the audacity of saying someone else is not "open-minded."

1/23/2006 8:17 AM  
Blogger marcy_peanut said...

You want to answer my love question???

I'm in love with a woman who I know loves my personality, and enjoys being around me, yet I DON'T KNOW IF SHE'S GAY!!!!

What am I supposed to do? I gave her my phone number and asked her if she wanted to have lunch sometime. She never called. Yet, when I see her, she swoons. She stares at me in a way that a straight woman never would.

Is she confused???

Can you help me, Zombie Slayer????

1/23/2006 4:31 PM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

hmmm... I don't think either of us are liberal... although maybe we are and we just label it another way... area code problems ;)

I can say though that I love my men to dress well AND be able to change a tire, although I can change my own damned tire... and chop wood thank you very much, but I have to admit I love the way he looks covered in sawdust wearing a tool belt ;p

As for the tee-shirts, I have a few that I really like and one that I created myself, but the words are on the back as well as the front... I agree with saurkraut though, most women wear them to get guys to look, same reason they wear necklaces that hang in their cleavage.. I'm also with slade, my roomate tends to be extremely self-centered and she made a shirt that says "NO!" across her hoo hoos and "I already said NO" across the back. I mean can she not see how fucked up that is? *shakes head*

By the way, I like this whole, 'its all about the love' thing you got going here... keep it coming ;)

1/23/2006 7:47 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

The answer is #3. I'm sure of it.

1/23/2006 7:50 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Marcy - Tough call. If you ask her directly, she might get intimidated. Plus, some women like the thrill of the chase.

She probably is confused, and maybe is not secure about her sexual preference just yet. This one will take a lot of work. Take it slowly, and don't rush it or else you'll scare her away and lose her for good.

Clothosfate - Maybe I'm just in a giddy, romantic mood because my buddy Dave just got married. He seemed bitter about the whole women thing for years, and lo and behold, a good woman walked into his life. I'm happy for him.

Yeah, necklesses that hang in cleavage, there's no way a woman could convince me that that wasn't designed to draw attention.

As for your area code, I don't imagine too many conservatives there, so liberal to you would be way liberal to us. But then again, I live in the San Francisco area, which is as liberal as America gets.

Sadie - Glad you got the computer back. :)

#3 huh? Yeah, I think that's it, considering that couples often subconsciously look for something that would compliment them.

1/23/2006 9:30 PM  
Blogger dusty said...

the ball and chain is a conservative..but like you he is moving away from the Repubes after all the b.s.

you know my political leanings lol..

I perfer a liberal spouse but they usually dont tolerate my personality well..

1/24/2006 12:35 AM  
Blogger Mybrid said...

About the spousal question: it's obvious that none of your options is right. It's all about a misguided man, who looks helpless, and you know how women love helpless men.

As for my own case - it's about a stubborn man who has only ONE issue that's conservative and 99 issues liberal like mine. For that one issue, he votes with his heart. The only time he doesn't use his brain. (Except maybe the time that he took the oven to the dump).

1/24/2006 6:06 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Dusty - Ha ha! You were one of the women I was thinking about when I thought "I bet she has a conservative hubby."

Mybrid - It's all about a misguided man, who looks helpless, and you know how women love helpless men.

Now that would be an interesting post. I've seen it in Hollywood movies, but never thought it had any validity. I guess I was wrong.

1/24/2006 8:53 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

Maybe not helpless, but women can hardly resist the rebel type, who are not really helpless, but who DO need help... of the LOVE kind.

You know, a man who needs saving... its sickly romantic, but hey... who invented romance anyway?

1/24/2006 10:57 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Clothosfate - but hey... who invented romance anyway?

The French?

Yeah, I like "bad good girl." Or the bad girl with the heart of gold.

1/24/2006 9:26 PM  
Blogger Kurt said...

Dr. Love is so smart. It's been working that way for me for 22 years. I'm glad I read this today as I have been thinking about some things I'd like to see changed...

1/25/2006 6:24 AM  
Blogger cluelessteenager said...

well if ur a love doctor then maybe u could help me. go to thanx!! :)

1/26/2006 10:45 PM  
Blogger cluelessteenager said...

nice advice. but i sitll dont no what to do and i cant be sure he likes me gawsh its so hard! how do i tell him? vals days comin up...

1/28/2006 10:04 PM  
Blogger cluelessteenager said...

heyy!! read my new entry and try help this time... freaky txt lol anyways what do i say?!

2/08/2006 1:38 AM  

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