Saturday, August 06, 2005

Sometimes sleeping in is a good thing

When I went to college the first time, I had a wealthy roommate, we'll call him...Bernardo.

Bernardo's parents owned a pimp cabin up in the Sierras that's bigger than most people's houses. They had money.

At the time, I had never been skiing before. I had no desire to. I didn't have the money to do it anyways, so when they woke up at six in the morning to go skiing, I stayed behind with two of Bernardo's slacker friends.

We woke up at the crack of noon and raided his fridge, gobbling down leftover meat, bread, milk, cheese, and whatever else we could find that wouldn't take too much effort to put together. Then one of us had a lightbulb go off. I forgot who, and don't want to take credit for it because I have no idea if it was my idea or not.

Let's not let them back in.

You see, California's mountains get snow. They get so much snow that people like the Donners got lost and ate each other. So the cabin had two entrances. One was snowed in, the other required climbing up the slippery wooden stairs to the deck. Come to think of it, this cabin would probably be easy to defend from zombies during winter time.

This gave us time to make weapons. By one o'clock, we had started. We made literally hundreds of snowballs and we made some big bombs if one of them would be so foolish to try to muscle their way upstairs.

After making sure we had enough ammunition for at least one hour of throwing, we blocked ourselves in, making a giant wall in the middle of the staircase and sticking icicles out of it, so it resembled one of those Vietcong death traps in that John Wayne Green Beret movie. Anyone lunging at that thing would simply die.

The one who finished the wall and stuck the icicles in had to be carried up on the railing by the other two of us. It was ugly and we hoped we didn't drop him or else we'd have to take his broken leg to the hospital instead of raining ice cold death on Bernardo and the other two skiing fools.

So we sat. And waited. And waited. And finally we heard the chains of Bernardo's car drive up the street. Ha ha.

Using those cheap plastic sleds as shields, we took cover and they knew something was up immediately. They approached cautiously and right as they got within striking distance, three snowballs shot at them, pelting them in their thick ski jackets.

The three of them bolted, taking cover behind trees and making their own snowballs. They countered, but their attacks were futile. For one, we had the upper ground and we had so many snowballs we didn't have to aim. We just kept throwing, aiming at the upper body because a high snowball causes a ducking response.

It took them a half hour to take the icicles down from our death trap and start dismantling the wall. Whenever they got close, they got pelted mercilessly. They used everything they could for shields but it was no use. Any skin that showed got hit hard. Keep in mind we were all young and in shape at the time, playing sports every chance we got. So when we hit someone with a snowball, it hurt.

Needless to say, we won that battle. They had to call for a ceasefire and we ignored their first and second requests, but acknowledged their third. That will teach them for waking up bright and early. Sometimes, it's just better to sleep in.


Blogger Sadie Lou said...

I totally woke up in a grumpy mood this morning, but this story has significantly lightened said mood.
The only time in my life I have been able to sleep in, was highschool. Even then, I woke up before 10.
Now my sisters--whoa Boy! They can sleep like professionals.
Breakfast at noon!
Dan and I think we've slept in if we wake up at 8am. This is because we embrace our oldenss and admit to going to bed around 9:30ish every night.
BTW--snowball fights rock! Even better is the Snow Tunnel, if you're not claustaphobic.

8/06/2005 7:59 AM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

ROFL That's the best mischief story I've heard ever!!!


I sleep til the crack of noon too and later whenever I can....lovely work there, zs!!!

8/06/2005 8:55 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

You're evil, but funny. Morning skiing is a sacred experience.

8/06/2005 9:09 AM  
Blogger Dawner said...

Loved the story. It amazes me how many people deprieve there brains of the neccesary sleep that it requires to replenish itself. Maybe that is why you roam around the world meeting people saying to yourself does that person even have a brain one in their head. I get all the sleep I need everyday. I don't use an alarm clock. My mind and body tell me when it is time to wake up. I have the answer to your question in my blog comments. Come check it out.

8/06/2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger exMI said...

Sigh, and people wonder why I am fond of snow. That sounds like a great snowball war.

8/06/2005 10:11 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

Sounds like excellent training for the upcoming zombie siege!

8/06/2005 10:18 AM  
Anonymous Michele said...

You missed your calling as a scrappy military leader. Guess you'll just have to use all that talent in the coming invasion.

8/06/2005 10:37 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Michele - I'm now officially too old to join the military. I offered my services a few years back as a Navy officer and they turned me down because they didn't like my major. I'm a liberal arts major and they wanted someone technical. I said, huh? I worked as a software engineer for five years. But they said it doesn't count, because my degree's in History. Oh well. I guess my skills will have to wait until the zombie plague. ;)

Jason - Yes. Been playing war games my whole life, from water balloons to snowballs, to paint guns. Fun stuff.

Exmi - Snow rules. Coming from the mid-west, I only experienced it as a small child and in vacations, so I don't see it as a pain in the rear like my father saw it. He had to shovel it every day and he took the car's battery in at night so the car would start in the morning.

Dawner - Very cool taste in music you have.

PC - Morning skiing I have never experienced. I'll need to get out of bed for that. When it's cold out there, there's nothing like the feeling of a nice, warm comforter in a soft bed. The slopes will still be there when I wake up.

Bridget - You posted at 8:55 on a Saturday. go back to sleep. ;)

Sadie - Glad I could help. yeah, the older I get, the earlier I go to bed and the earlier I wake up. I tried to sleep in this morning but a spider crawled on my face and woke me up. Oh well.

8/06/2005 11:06 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

A spider crawled on your face?!

too much information for the arachnophobic, here.


8/06/2005 11:46 AM  
Blogger Just Wandering said...

What the heck...that's some crazy crap you got going on there. Who would think of doing something like that!

8/06/2005 1:41 PM  
Blogger Truman said...

1)Sleep rules.
2)Snow rules.
3)Hapless victims rule.

8/06/2005 1:58 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

That sounds like so much fun.

I can't stay up late anymore either, and I don't have kids for an excuse. Occasionally I can push it to 1 or 2am if there's friends in town, but normally I'm konked by 10pm. Of course, our dog is always too happy to wake us up at 6am...

8/06/2005 2:46 PM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

AH-HA! Insight into the enemy's tactics! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Um, I mean...

Wow, I totally agree with sleeping in. The early bird might get the worm, but who the hell likes worms?

8/06/2005 9:41 PM  
Blogger Miranda said...

"They get so much snow that people like the Donners got lost and ate each other."

That shouldn't be funny, but it is.

8/06/2005 11:00 PM  
Blogger savage said...

I'm gonna look that up.
No definitions found for "unmercibly"

Wiki offers various "better" search options.

Google asks,
"Did you mean: unmercifully"?

From WordNet (r) 2.0 :

adv : without pity; in a merciless manner; "he was mercilessly
trounced by his opponent in the House" [syn: pitilessly,
unmercifully, remorselessly]

8/07/2005 2:45 AM  
Blogger savage said...

Sounds like Wordnet has already heard this story, ZS.
Personally, I'm going to go to the Urban dictionary and add your word, "unmercibly" ...

Don't expect too much, I redefined 'fundie' two weeks ago and have yet to see my definition show up. :( grr!

8/07/2005 2:47 AM  
Blogger savage said...

It should look like this:
Possibly 'unmercifully' or 'mercilessly' -- that is -- without pity. Said of something or someone who will continue to attack until death, and if it isn't their own death, even that may not stop them.
Personally, I think the Zombieslayer made more of a typo than a new word, but he hasn't copped to it, so ya never know.
We unmercibly attacked the intruders.

Google said: "Did you mean: unmercifully"?


8/07/2005 2:57 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

As a girl, I prefer water balloon and squirt-gun fights to snowball fights; snowballs in the face sting like hell. I do enjoy building snowforts though. We used to incorporate icicles into ours too.
I've worked the 6 a.m. shift for 25 yrs and can't sleep in anymore. It's rather frustrating.

8/07/2005 6:00 AM  
Blogger savage said...

I'm from the midwest.
I remember snow, snowballs, and forts.
good times.
Then I lived in SW Wyoming. It was a cold desert. hm. Not much snow. If it DID snow and you made a snowball, it'd turn to ice in the air after you threw it.
Worse luck for whomever you aimed at.

8/07/2005 7:23 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Hee hee. Spelling errors? Nah.

(Good thing about blogger is you could fix it without there being a record).

As for snowballs to the face, it all depends on the snow to ice ratio. If it's fluffy, it doesn't hurt too much. Of course, we're sadists so we were looking for the type of snow that travels fastest, regardless of the pain factor.

Bernardo and his non-slacker friends had to be taught that waking up at 6 am on a Saturday is a very bad thing and will speed up the Apocalypse. ;)

8/07/2005 8:35 AM  
Blogger savage said...

you're kidding, ZS: only old people and people abused by their employers have to get up that early, right?
Oh, and the military. I don't get up that early. That's before I go to sleep. 2 AM and I just made coffee.
(There is something wrong with me, don't ask.)

8/08/2005 2:05 AM  

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