Thursday, July 28, 2005

Ethnic jokes - Mexican

This is the first in the series of ethnic jokes. I've already told French jokes and American jokes, and I've made fun of Canadians earlier. So I guess to be fair, I'll touch everyone. I'm sure some of you good people out there are feeling left out.

My disclaimer is simple. If your ethnicity has not been hit yet, wait. There's plenty of love to go around. So if you know some, feel free to add. We'll have to be entertained somehow when the zombies will be moaning outside the gates. Charades gets old fast and so does poker when money becomes meaningless.

Oh, one more thing, in the post itself, I'll either not have profanity or censor it with asterisks. But for the kids, I'm warning you in advance that the comments section will not be censored so if your kid learns a bad word from the Zombieslayer blog, "no es mi culpa." (It's not my fault - important words to remember for Restaurant Spanish speakers).

So for our fast talking and slow driving neighbors down south, here are Mexican jokes. Enjoy...

Jose all his life has been saving up to see the Dodgers play a baseball game. Finally, after ten years of hard work, he saved up enough money to cross the border and bus his way to Dodger stadium in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, when he got there, the game was sold out. So he complained his story to the ticket guy and the ticket guy got sympathetic. "Well, I guess you could sit on top of the flag pole for $5."

So Jose did. He sat on the flag pole, watched the game, enjoyed a few beers afterwards, and went home.

When he got home, all his friends gathered around and asked him questions.

"Did you make it to Dodger stadium? Did you see the game?"

"Yes, yes."

"How was the game?"

"It was nice. Dodgers came back and won in the 9th inning."

"Wow. How were the American people?"

"Oh, they were so nice. Before the game, everyone stood up, put their hands over their hearts, and sang 'Jose can you see?'"



How many border patrol agents does it take to arrest a Mexican?
Three. One to arrest him, and two to carry his oranges.


Why do Mexicans re-fry their beans?
Have you ever seen a Mexican do anything right the first time?


You know the first words a Mexican hears when he comes to America?
"Attention K-Mart shoppers..."


And of course, the one joke everyone's already heard...
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everyone who could run, swim, and jump is already in the United States.

16 Comments:

Blogger kitkat said...

Mildly funny...I didn't get the joke about the oranges. I guess I don't know as much about Mexicans as I had thought.

7/28/2005 9:47 AM  
Blogger Levi Nunnink said...

I loved the Jose joke. I'll have to remember that one.

7/28/2005 11:23 AM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

I would be afraid to tell Mexican jokes where I am now - there are a lot of Hispanics in this area. A sidenote: my grandpa used to tell Norwegian jokes (since he was full Norwegian) and I never got them. :-/ They seem similar to the Polish jokes, though. :-P

7/28/2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Kitkat - Here in Southern California, there are lots of orange groves. You see these little Mexican guys carrying these huge loads of oranges. I guess the joke would be more funny if you lived in this neck of the woods.

Levi - yes, funny joke. The background on it was during the Fernando Valenzuela years. He was possibly the first outstanding Mexican pitcher (not the first Mexican pitcher, by any means, but the first one who was top of his class that I'm aware of). That brought out a lot of Mexican nationalism and to this day, a lot of Mexican folks are Dodger fans because of Mr. Valenzuela.

Jen - Funny thing is I heard most of these jokes from Mexicans while working in the restaurant industry. If you're friends with them, they don't get offended by them. It's just like one doesn't go into a Polish bar and tell a bunch of Polish jokes unless they're all his friends. By the way, would love to hear your Norwegian jokes. Never heard one.

7/28/2005 12:59 PM  
Blogger dave said...

what do you get when you cross a mexican and an octopus?



i don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

7/28/2005 2:55 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

How about the twins--Jose and JosB?

7/28/2005 9:08 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bridget - That's one of those that are so stupid you can't help laughing. I like those.

Dave - That had me busting up the first time you told that one. Thanks for putting it on my blog.

7/28/2005 9:54 PM  
Blogger Reverend Dr. Will Trump said...

I heard a mildy funny one, Why were there only 5,000 Mexicans at the Alamo ? They only had 4 trucks.

7/29/2005 11:13 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Yo Thom! I can't get to your blogsite from your name link. You need to enable access from your Profile or something like that.

7/31/2005 10:33 AM  
Blogger Thomcat said...

okie dokie

8/01/2005 10:37 AM  
Blogger Kunaxa said...

Zombieslayer,

I have a suggestion for your ethnic jokes series. With every ethnic jokes post, perhaps you could post a 'HOT [insert ethnicity] BABE' post.

But for now, I'll go on my merry way of looking up Mexico's finest, Salma Hayek pictures in honor of your Mexican jokes post.

:)

8/01/2005 2:49 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Thomcat - Thanks.

Cultureshocked - great idea. I'll try to wing them together, but no promises. As for Salma, she's definitely a hottie. Robert Rodriguez filmed her in one of the sexiest scenes ever filmed in From Dusk 'Til Dawn. I even bought a Vanity Fair once because it had Ms Hayek on the cover and some hot pics of her in between. Of course I got away with it by giving it to my wife and saying it's a magazine for her.

8/01/2005 4:05 PM  
Blogger savage said...

I dedicate this to the girl I went to Prom with (read: academic 'hispanic' female).
-r

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

...


...
What?!?? Just one, you racist jerk!

-=-

8/04/2005 2:20 AM  
Blogger savage said...

...

...
Eh...

(...and...)
-r

Why'd the Mexican cross the road?

...

...

Before I can say: "Escaping the border guard," (...or something actually clever), she says:
"You racist prick..."
-=-

8/04/2005 2:22 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Savage - sounds like you had a fun prom. I ditched my date for a cute redhead. Afterwards, neither of them returned my call. Wonder why.

8/04/2005 8:55 AM  
Blogger savage said...

I have no idea why, girls are weird.
-r
PS:
Actually she wasn't that bad at prom. And, since you brought it up, some friends and I all went together in a limo. I was poor (or at least that's the story my father told me at the time) and ultimately, my Grama gave me $200 ("for graduation") which I put toward Prom expenses and my friend's dad paid my share of the limo. Anyway our friends wanted to go to some hotel for dessert after prom, so we had the limo all to ourselves.
Freakin' Tux is not a good ensemble if you're going to be alone in the dark with the opposite sex. Such a pain to ...
anyway …
it was good.
-=-

8/07/2005 4:54 AM  

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