Ethnic jokes - Italian
I don't want to post a disclaimer each time. That's getting old already. You all know the drill. So it's on to the jokes. Oh, one warning though, although I don't post profanity in the blog part, I don't edit the comments section. And one of the jokes is PG-13 so you might want to read them first to yourselves before reading them to your kids.
First though, if you haven't figured out yet, I love Italian women. I've already listed Monica Bellucci and Alessia Merz as hot chicks. I've listed Carla Gugino as one too, but she's an American. It doesn't take a genius though to figure out her ancestry. "Gugino, what is that, um, is she from Bhutan?"
They're spunky. They're passionate. Their food rules. I could eat Italian every day for the rest of my life and I won't complain. But come on, you have to laugh at these jokes. They're just so, Italian. You've probably already heard that the three shortest books in the world are Great English Chefs, Jewish Charities, and Italian War Heroes. Here are a few you probably haven't heard. Enjoy.
A bus stops and two Italians get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. A lady behind them tries to ignore them, but just can't.
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
At this point, the lady has had enough and interrupts. "Watch your mouths, men! I don't know how it is in Italy, but in this country, we don't talk about our sex lives on the bus!"
"Huh?" One of the Italians replies. "I'm not-a-talkin' about sex. I'm-a trying to teach-a my friend how to spell Mississippi."
You know how to sink an Italian ship?
Put it in water.
Do you know how to spot the Italian plane?
It's the one with hair on its wings.
A sign on the garage says "For sale, Italian tires."
"Dago through rain.
Dago through snow.
Dago through mud.
But when dago flat, dago wop, wop, wop."
And lastly, you know you're Italian when you could bench press 300 pounds, you have to shave twice a day, and you still cry with Momma yells at you.
posted by The Zombieslayer @ 7:13 AM
17 Comments:
Ah yes, the Italians... Well any Mediterenean group is hairy. I myself am working on my very own eurostache. by the time I'm 50, I'll probably have a gotee as well :-p
Ha ha, pretty good jokes. I like the first one the best. I must agree with you about the food - if I could eat it every day and not be 500 pounds, I would do it. :-P
Laura - Heh, reminds me of yesterday at the beach. Switching genders here, a guy was completely covered in hair, you know, one of those Mediterranean men with hair all over the back. I asked my cousin if she'd go out with a guy like that and she said "he must have one h*ll of a personality."
Jen - I seriously don't think their diet is more fattening than ours. In fact, their diet is supposebly recommended over ours. When I get rich, I ought to hire a live-in Italian chef. ;)
Bridget - 1st joke was awesome. 2nd joke I heard as a French joke. 3rd got a chuckle, but liked your first one best. If you know more, keep 'em coming.
"Mediterranean men with hair all over the back." Yep, I know the one's. One of my friends is a wookie and he often jokes that he's the bastard child of a Gorilla and an Italian Floozie
zombieslayer, what happened to the 'HOT BABE' thing? I'll volunteer the research. Hmmm, Monica Bellucci comes to mind for the Italians ... but there may be some better ones.
Laura - That's too funny. Yes, this guy was definitely half-Wookie, half-Human.
Cultureshocked - Already had Monica Bellucci. She's so hot though I really ought to have her again. If you'd like to volunteer your services, I'll email you the next ethnicity tonight. Already have the jokes. I really like your original idea.
Ahh, I knew I had one. It dawned on me on the bus on my way home:
Why do Dego's wear all those gold chains? So they know where to stop shaving.
Yup. Email me the Ethnicity.
You got the email add?
And yes, Monica Bellucci can have 2 editions.
John gave me a few:
Why do Italian babies cry when given bottles? They miss the hairy nipples.
*Rolls over & laughs* damn! you for doin' that, i was in middle of an important thin'...couldn't help laughin'...me think other thinks i'm mad...maybe i should share this joke...can i do that? lol
ps: Gugina isn't from Bhutan, i called up the census just in case...kiddin'
Tenxin - Yes, definitely share your jokes. It's okay to be mad too. Madness is a good thing. We'd have no good art without madness. ;)
Laura - Love your gold chains joke. I won't forget that one. It's going around the office tomorrow (well, for the ones that I know I could get away with an ethnic joke with ).
ZL - You don't get to eat Monica Bellucci. She has already been invited into my compound. She hasn't replied yet, but she's a busy woman. I'm sure she'll accept when she gets around to it.
Cultureshocked - Sent you an email. Thanks. You da man.
"Why did the Italian cross the road?"
if Hamlet was from Italy he probably would have said 'to cross or not to cross the god damn Raod'
"How many wops does it take to change a lightbulb?"
who need lightbulb when we got neon tubes
Tenxin - Hamlet was English. Therefore, just say no if he offers you a home-cooked meal.
Savage - Why did the razor cross the road?
To get away from that hairy-ass Italian.
How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they contract out that work.
why are a lot of italian guys named Tony ? because they were stamped 'To: NY' on their passports from italy !
what do you get when you cross a polish and an italian ? someone who makes an offer you can't understand ...
I know it's the wrong ethnicity, but I HAVE to write it while I remember it. (Damn brainfarts!)
How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None; I'll just sit here in the dark. Don't worry, I'll be OK...
Tshsmom - Don't worry, my Jewish jokes are coming up. Good use of punctuation. I actually visualized her saying that.
Thom - Loved the 2nd one. I'm going to borrow that for the office as well. Actually, I need to call my Dad and tell him that one. I keep bugging him to read my blog but he never does. See what he's missing?
Post a Comment
<< Home