Saturday, June 11, 2005

Why did the old man cross the road?

He doesn't know either.

Alright. That was stupid but I made it up and had to say it. Here's one that I didn't make up, requested by Mrs. Zombieslayer.

There's a five-year-old and a four-year-old, two brothers. One turns to the other and asks, "Do you think we're old enough to swear yet?"
The other says, "Yeah, we're old enough to swear."
"Cool. I'll say h*** and you say a**."

So Mom calls them down for breakfast. "Okay kids, what do you want for breakfast?"

The first one spurts out, "Oh, h***, I'll just have a bowl of Cheerios."

So Mom spanks his butt so hard he cries and runs up to his room. Then she turns to the other and asks "what do you want for breakfast?"

"Well, you can bet your a** I'm not getting Cheerios."


Blogger tshsmom said...

Always loved that joke!
BTW, Daniel is becoming a pest over on Ben's blog. Anybody care to give Ben a hand?

6/11/2005 10:31 AM  
Blogger Leslie said...

Hilarious! Corny... But hilarious!

6/11/2005 11:40 AM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Who's Daniel?


6/11/2005 2:17 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bridget - He was the English guy I banned from the blog for attacking several good people on this blog.

6/11/2005 3:29 PM  
Blogger Kunaxa said...

This is now "officially" the world's funniest joke (as determind by a year long experiment by a bunch of scientists):

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Is this worthy of induction into the anti-zombie joke catalog?

6/11/2005 5:54 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

CultureShocked - yeah, I saw where they said that was the world's funniest joke. I wonder who determines "funniness." Do they have one guy tell a bunch of jokes to a drunk audience, then measure the decibel limit of laughter? Mrs. Zombieslayer did laugh at it, and I laughed when I read it, so sure, when the compound is secure and we have time to enjoy some beers and relax, do tell it.

6/11/2005 6:10 PM  
Blogger Leslie said...

Daniel is my friend. I do agree that he has gotten a little out of hand lately. But he's still my friend. I just ignore the really offhand comments and focus why I started reading him in the first place.

6/11/2005 9:28 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Red - I'm well aware that he is your friend. He just started attacking people (other than me and Dave) on my blog so I had to delete one of his posts and ban him from the site. I really wish it didn't have to be that way. It's now water under the bridge, let's just move on.

6/11/2005 10:53 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Good attitude!

6/12/2005 4:56 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

Great Joke!

6/12/2005 6:01 AM  
Blogger Daniel Hoffmann-Gill said...

Am I banned?

6/12/2005 6:30 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6/12/2005 7:52 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

For a really great joke:

6/12/2005 7:53 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Daniel - yes. It would be better this way. Let's just act like two adults and stay on our own side of the pond.

6/12/2005 8:49 AM  
Blogger savage said...

I sometimes steal small portions of Mr. Zombieslayer's food (these guys have a LOT of steak) and in point of actual fact:

Mr. Zombieslayer told a group of us hungry losers the other day another joke I heard once when I was younger and I was able to repeat the punchline; here it is for the rest of ya to enjoy, so enjoy.

There are two hikers and one goes off to take a leak. A rattlesnake, frustrated by this guy, bites him on the pecker. He goes back to his friend: "You've gotta do something! I've been bitten by a rattlesnake!"
The friend doesn't know what to do, so he rushes back down the trail to a doctor and asks: "My friend's been biten by a rattlesnake, what can I do?"
the doctor says: "Here's a snakebite kit, make an incision by the bite and suck out the venom, your friend will be fine, but you better hurry."
the guy rushes back to his friend with the snakebite kit and good news.
The friend is still freaking out and in serious pain, he says: "So, did you see the doctor?"
the friend, suddenly aware his friend is holding his crotch, says: "Where were you bitten?"
"My pecker, f---n' snake bit my pecker."
the guy says: "Sorry, man, doc says you're gonna die."
PS: I changed the ending because I like to draw things out, ask mr zombieslayer

6/13/2005 3:59 AM  
Blogger savage said...

"Why did the colonel cross the road?" (chasing chicker -- KFC Colonel...)

"Why did the polock cross the road?"
(he was stapled to the chicken)

"Why did the coward cross the road?"
(he was running from the chicken)

6/13/2005 4:00 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

I believe that,the chicken crossed the road for some FOUL reason.

6/16/2005 6:01 PM  

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