Wednesday, April 05, 2006

In honor of Mr. White

Whether or not you're a football fan, you might remember the late, great Reggie White. Mr. White was not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but the man meant well. He was a preacher, and in one of his sermons, he noted that the great American melting pot works, and every group seems to contribute their flavor to the pot, and it's a good thing.

Well, the P.C. Nazis made mountains out of molehills and blew it up into epic proportions, calling him the nastiest of names and demonizing the poor guy. The thing is, I bet it wasn't even minorities who got offended. I bet it was upper middle class white people in bike helmets.

That said, hypersensitive people who get offended at everything suck. The world would be a better place when the zombie plague comes and we let them all die. They're completely worthless as people. They're not funny. They never smile. And they think their s*** doesn't stink. Seriously, I'm sick of them.

So I'm going to take Mr. White a step further. I'm going to make it just a little more global. Enjoy.

Japanese make good tenants, Vermont hippies make good ice cream.

Conservatives are good on the radio, liberals are good actors.

Jews are good comedians, women are good Product Managers.

Black people are good near the rim, white people are good at three-point shooting and assists.

Fat people tell good jokes, you only need to buy your skinny friend one martini.

Gay men are good singers, straight men are good chefs.

Filipinos and Vietnamese make good rolls, Russians are good at wrestling throws.

The French make good cheese, Chileans make good affordable wine.

Rednecks can help you with your engine problems, lesbians can help you with your motorcycle.

Black folk write good comedies, Mexicans are good at horror stories.

Canadians make good maple syrup, Zanzibarians export good cloves.

Indians (casino) are good at tracking deer, Indians (slurpee) are good at teaching people how to stretch.

BSD Unix has good uptime, Windows has good games.

Republicans pay their bills on time, Hare Krishnas know the fastest route to the airport.

Ibanez makes good necks, Mesa Boogie makes good tube amps.

Koreans make good bar-be-ques, Texans make good chile.

Straight Italians make good olive oil, gay Italians design nice pants.

Spain has beautiful women, Belgium makes good beer.

Cuba makes good cigars, Haiti makes good baseballs.

Peruvians make good sweaters, Brazilians really know how to party.

52 Comments:

Blogger tenxinchoden said...

one more to your list..

Bhutanese are nice people! esp the one writin this comment

hehe:)

4/05/2006 8:14 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Lol!

Unfortunately, never met a Bhutanese person in person yet. Reason is as you know, you're land-locked. Land-locked people historically don't move around as much.

4/05/2006 8:40 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

And what cheese is made backwards?

4/06/2006 3:24 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

Italians make the best shoes.
Bananas The best slippers.

4/06/2006 3:46 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA... that was fucking funny, my friend and I highly enjoyed it while drinking our morning coffee... and I love a good laugh in the morning... my second favorite morning sport ;p.

So GLAD you come back every once in a while, I miss you when you're gone. By the way, I laughed really hard at this: "They're completely worthless as people. They're not funny. They never smile." YOU ROCK Zombieman... *big kiss*

By the way I would have said: Canada has the cleverest politically incorrect feminin feminists... but than I guess I don't exactly make up the majority of Canadians, so it's a good thing I'm not your editor.

4/06/2006 9:15 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

By the way... how's life treating you anyway?

4/06/2006 9:22 AM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

You forgot anything about Norwegians. But the others on your list are good too. :-P

4/06/2006 6:42 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

On behalf of tshsmom. Norwegians make the best LEFTSE, (I think that is how tsh spelt it)

4/06/2006 9:50 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

Egyptian women make the best Mummies.

Did your hear of the Egyptian girl who was allergic to rubber and became a Mummy?

4/06/2006 9:57 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Vest - Got a chuckle out of the Egyptian joke. I'll have to tell that one to my Egyptian buddy.

Clothosfate - Doing great. I actually like my job, have good health. Can't complain. Thanks for asking.

Notta - Just don't get too many Norwegians in these parts. I guess I floundered my opportunity to meet some Norwegians when I lived in Seattle.

4/06/2006 11:23 PM  
Blogger Mr. Althouse said...

Nice generalizations. Generalizations are generally general, generally speaking.

~Mike

4/07/2006 7:22 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

"Floridians are stupid. Just look at the voting fiasco there. Think "chads", baby."

or...

"Florida is in the south, therefore, Florida is redneck central."

Nothing could actually be further from the truth. Many Floridians are transplants from educated northern states. But we still get tarred with the same brush.

4/07/2006 11:29 AM  
Blogger Moni said...

That was brilliant...too funny. ;)

4/07/2006 11:49 AM  
Blogger lime said...

and mixed race trinis are some of the most gorgeous people i have ever laid eyes on.

this list made me laugh so hard. hey you were positive, who can take issue with positive comments.

i have another request though, when the zombies attack can we feed them paris hilton, britney spears, and the creature known as brangelina? please, pretty please?

4/07/2006 12:50 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Mike - Say this one five times fast:

General Gene generally generalizes 'bout geriatrics.

Saur - Yikes. Who said that? I've found Floridans to be quite nice, and yes, that includes the so-called rednecks. I've often found uneducated people to be less stuffy.

Moni - Thanks.

Lime - I think Paris Hilton won on an old post called "Which celebrity would you most likely want to be devoured by zombies?"

Yeah, that's what I was getting at with the positive thing. Mr. White was saying nice things about everyone and they still railed on him. He was saying how everyone makes a contribution.

As for mixed-race, I love Brazilian women.

4/07/2006 6:28 PM  
Blogger Logophile said...

Hey, I know a couple Peruvians who can't knit at all. They must be the exception that prove the rule, eh?

4/08/2006 10:19 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

If only we could find the good in people, ALL the time!

4/09/2006 7:33 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

Tshs, I really enjoy being wicked now and then.

4/09/2006 4:01 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

Its EDAM.

4/09/2006 4:07 PM  
Blogger tenxinchoden said...

Indian are badly behaved in any transportation fleets *no kidding*
... no patience... always in hurry... huge ugly luggage...

4/10/2006 3:43 AM  
Blogger tenxinchoden said...

you think its true...
Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are...

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: Donno, never seen either.


Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A: i) no mind ii) no business


Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions ..

Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...

Q: What do you do
with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A:Opposites attract.

4/10/2006 3:54 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Logophile - Exceptions to my generalizations? No way. Better make sure they're not really aliens from outer space posing as Peruvians.

Tshsmom - Yeah, wish so too. I think most people are good, but there are some bad ones too. :(

Vest - Heh. I'm only wicked in the presense of hot babes.

TC - Uh oh, the gender jokes. :)

I'll have to do a gender jokes post one of these days.

4/10/2006 7:52 PM  
Blogger exMI said...

Nice list ZS.

4/11/2006 11:24 AM  
Blogger SME said...

Late great? He's not dead, is he? I defended his speech at the time he made it; I thought it was great, and made in the spirit of reconciliation and appreciation. Why couldn't people just be grateful for that?!

4/12/2006 7:50 PM  
Blogger SME said...

Snaps for thinking of something good about "hairy fishnuts", BTW. Now that's talent!

4/12/2006 7:53 PM  
Blogger tenxinchoden said...

AAAaaaahhh!! Miss those days when Mr. Slayer had nothin' do do but Blog!!

what's happening to those gud ol' day!??

i want em bak!

TC

4/13/2006 2:33 AM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Good to hear from you Zomb. Don't know who this guy was tho!

Bridg

4/13/2006 6:48 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Vest, that was your WORST pun yet.

Look out for the henways, btw...

4/13/2006 6:49 PM  
Blogger Bo Salisbury said...

Hey, I thought you hung up your blogging cleats.

Speaking of mixed marriages... our daughter is marrying a Brit next month. And, I think he's a member of the Labor Party. His future bride is a Reagan conservative... ah, diversity!

Will you be coming up this summer for some seared animal flesh at our Q-Shack?

Bo

PietyHill Press

4/13/2006 7:56 PM  
Blogger Miranda said...

Great post! If you hear me laughing from all the way over hear, I apologize in advance for the shrill sound ;).

But *sulk* No Irish or Scottish?

4/15/2006 6:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey! Long time no see! I have been sequestered away in canada fending off the sasquatch and thus have had no time for keeping up with internet friends, also, being my own CD production have had little time to ...ok, have no excuse for putting off sending requested CD this long, although i did only get that money mid-march, so i guess being mid-april its not that late. Is in the mail. Will arrive soon but goddamn your writing is hard to read.

All my love. www.myspace.com/elexxa <--- for a laugh at my new gig

-Dusty/mokuyobi

4/16/2006 11:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Laughed the whole way down! Especially the lesbians and motorcycles one...hehe

I am with you 100% on this one--hate PC!!!!!!

glad to be back and thank you soooo much for the kind comment you left on my blog while I was away! It brightened my day!

~Slade

4/18/2006 1:24 PM  
Blogger Dawner said...

I loved this post. I needed that. Nice to see you are still blogging. I know I have been gone awhile. Later!

4/19/2006 1:16 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

Bridget' Puns: For my own part, I think no innocent species of wit or pleasantry shoud be suppressed, and that a good pun may be admitted among the smaller excellences of lively conversation.

4/20/2006 5:39 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

Lawrence's 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom' I found easier to read about than actually read.

BTW: Most short impromptu speeches, have been long in the making.

4/20/2006 9:16 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Exmi - Thanks.

SME - Yup. Died a few years ago. Way too young to die, but none of those players live very long. The sport's crazy.

TC - As soon as this business starts making enough money that I could quit my day job, I'll blog frequently again.

Bridget - He was one of the greatest defensive NFL players ever, and a minister.

Bo - And, I think he's a member of the Labor Party. His future bride is a Reagan conservative... ah, diversity!

All right. I'll try not to bring up Thatcher was the best thing to happen to English economics in my lifetime.

Will you be coming up this summer for some seared animal flesh at our Q-Shack?


Does the Zombieslayer ever say no to dead animal flesh? :)

Miranda - Um, Irish women are smokin'? Plus Irish music is awesome. As for Scots, know nothing about Scotland other than they never got conquered by the English, they wear kilts, and they play bagpipes.

Dusty - Looking forward to hearing it. And I'll check out your site. I don't have a myspace acct yet though. And yeah, my handwriting sucks, and I'm not a doctor either.

Slade - You're back? Yeeaah! I missed you.

Dawner - Thanks. I'll try to post more funny stuff when I have more time.

Vest - No humor should go untold. That's another reason why I hate political correctness so much.

4/20/2006 9:17 PM  
Anonymous old bertie said...

vest the sage would earn his wage, berties clarity is a great liability, because I have nothing to say that I do remember.

4/20/2006 9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zom. read your E mail.

4/20/2006 10:07 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

Gay men are good singers, straight men are good chefs.

That is true usuallly but I guess I'm the exception. Good list ZS.

4/21/2006 3:50 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

also, even though I hate the packers Reggie did rule and left this world way too soon

4/21/2006 3:51 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

Bridget: WOTS HENWAYS ?

4/21/2006 8:02 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

update: Snake skins make the finest shoe leather uppers.
bannana skins the best slipper uppers.

4/22/2006 1:00 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

ZS, look up Culloden. Scotland got conquered BIG TIME.

Vest, about 6 pounds. ;)

4/23/2006 6:10 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

tshs: Six pounds of 'What'?

4/23/2006 8:07 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

gotta help me out on my latest post--you would totally be on my side.

4/25/2006 10:33 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

CHICKEN, Vest. The average chicken weighs 6 pounds. ;)

4/25/2006 2:55 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

Tshs: Chicken, Henways etc , a trifle confusing, however got your drift, sort of or somehow.
Most chooks bred for the table are potentially roosters, the hens are in the main used for the egg industry, these hens after their usefulness has petered out and have become aged tough and withered, fall into the categary of 'Old Boiler' a term often used in a derogatory sense to describe over the hump female homo sapiens.
BTW, The Quaint old ancient weights and measurements scales of the (USA)would indicate in the modern world that the average chook weight in the USA =6lbs( which to me makes no sense at all), would weigh in at kilos 2.72.

Also it was not the egg or the chicken that Came first, it was the COCK.

4/25/2006 6:15 PM  
Anonymous old bertie said...

that guy vest is usually more than half right than half wrong I think maybe.

4/26/2006 1:17 AM  
Blogger Vest said...

Would someone take old Bertie home, he is out rather late.

4/26/2006 2:29 AM  
Anonymous old bertie said...

iv'e been looking around this blog and couldn't find anything about a danny hoffman gill. my daughter put me on this blog recently and mentioned this dan geezer, then when vest peed me off i went tohis blog and there was danny boy.
what happened here i cant find out and that vest blokes a strange geezer too, i'm no gum shoe but was sadie lou referring to DHG as danny boy if so he's on vests blog yeterday and got a job on the BBC
canyou tell me more

5/01/2006 1:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I believe old bertie is hoffman gill

5/01/2006 7:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fooled all the farting lot of you its me

5/01/2006 7:54 AM  

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