Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Vampire Bat and the Illinois Cow and a bonus joke

I've decided that instead of something serious, I'd like to start this week off with something funny. Here are a few jokes for you. Enjoy...

The vampire bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I didn't."

The Illinois Cow

The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow just across the state line in Illinois for $200.

They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.

They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cows like it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mount our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attempt from the side, she walks away to the other side."

The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Illinois?"

The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where they bought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you know we got the cow in Illinois?"

The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is from Illinois."

And now for your bonus joke

Two tourists were driving through Wales.

At Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybaarcudprindanfygythiadtrienusyrhafnauole they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said, "Burrr -gurrr-Kiing.

21 Comments:

Blogger Bar Bar A said...

LOL!!!!! Thanks, a much needed laugh to start my day :)

2/12/2006 10:15 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

hee...i love the cow one ;)

2/12/2006 10:32 AM  
Blogger Moni said...

too funny! "burrr, gurr, king." ROTFL. ;)

2/12/2006 11:45 AM  
Blogger neal said...

I like the vampire bat especially.

2/12/2006 12:15 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

I think those were your best jokes to date!

2/12/2006 12:42 PM  
Blogger lime said...

loved em all, thanks!

2/12/2006 12:44 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bar - You're welcome.

Bearette - Me too. But I actually liked the bat one best because it totally caught me off guard.

Moni - Heh. I was wondering if that was worth posting, so I'm glad someone liked that one.

Neal - Me too.

Tshsmom - Better than Captain Bravado?

Lime - You're welcome.

2/12/2006 1:32 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Yup!

2/12/2006 2:03 PM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

LOL

I am just going to have to tell everyone about that bat! Love it! :)

2/12/2006 3:53 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - Then cool. Captain Bravado was hard for me to top. :)

Miladysa - I wanted to ask you, is that Welch joke an inside joke? Are there a lot of towns that have long names like that?

2/12/2006 4:11 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Yeah, brown pants are hard to top, or is that bottom? ;)

2/12/2006 4:34 PM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

*LOL* I loved the bat one, especially.

2/13/2006 8:10 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

LMAO! Good ones! I'd heard a slightly different version of the 'bonus' one were it was a blonde or something.

2/13/2006 9:48 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

they were great!!!! bless you ZS..i needed a laugh this a.m.

2/15/2006 8:09 AM  
Blogger Leila said...

funny jokes. wow, haven't heard any of them in a long while.... thanks!

2/15/2006 2:55 PM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

I like the first joke...I'm blind as a bat (without my specs on), but I've never flown into a tree.

2/16/2006 5:11 AM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

BTW--I listened to your CD again,and I Robbie Robertson is still in first place for overall listening pleasure (via my ears).

Did you like anything I sent you?

2/16/2006 5:12 AM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

There are ZS :)

2/16/2006 10:43 AM  
Blogger SME said...

Thought you might find this interesting; a post-zombie attack zombie soundtrack (from disinfo.com): "The Village Voice's Tom Breihan deftly avoids zombie film cliches in compiling his soundtrack to the Cell-like apocalypse soon to visit you. Breihan: 'I didn't put any Zombies or White Zombie or songs specifically about zombies on the list because you probably won't want to hear zombie music after zombies have killed everyone you know. Instead, I've chosen a few songs that'll serve as mood music for when the dead walk.'"

2/16/2006 5:04 PM  
Blogger SME said...

Oops, forgot the link to the article.
http://www.villagevoice.com/blogs/statusainthood/archives/2006/02/a_zombie_apocal.php

2/16/2006 5:08 PM  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

I love the Bat and the Welsh jokes. The illinois joke hits just a bit too close to home!

2/16/2006 9:17 PM  

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