Thursday, December 22, 2005

I can't help it

This post is for two lovely ladies, Notta Wallflower for what you said reminded me of something stupid I couldn't stop laughing at, and Liquid Plastic just because.

I can't help laughing when someone falls down or bumps into something. I can't help it. It's funny. Even reading about it is funny. Once, Jenn was writing about hitting her funny bone and how much it hurt. I couldn't stop laughing. She even wrote "and don't laugh!" The best though was when I was doing my undergrad.

I was walking home from school to the apartment when I saw some kid on a skateboard being pulled by his dog. His dog looked like he was having a whale of a time. So was the kid.

The kid held on to a rope and was definitely travelling faster on his skateboard than he could have done by himself. Anyways, on the sidewalk ahead, someone was doing some driveway construction. There was a big mound of dirt right on the sidewalk.

The stupid kid panicked. Instead of letting go of the rope and coming to an easy stop, he started screaming at his dog to stop. The dog naturally ran faster. He probably knew "sit!," "stay!", "food's ready!," and a few other expressions but dogs don't know what stop means.

The kid hit the dirt and went flying. Luckily for him, he wore a thick jacket so he didn't lose any hit points.

He got up and brushed himself off. He was completely fine, up until he saw that I saw. That's when he lost it.

I really tried. I did. But I couldn't help it. I started busting up laughing, laughing so hard that you could probably hear the Zombieslayer the next block down.

As for him, he started wailing. Poor kid. I just hope he's not under a bridge today telling the other bums about that mean long-haired metalhead college student. If he's not a drunk, I still bet today he drives a Hummer. Don't blame me though for screwing up that kid. I can't help it. I laugh when someone falls down, because there's very little in this world that is funnier than that.


Blogger Jenn said...

Deal! I wasn't gonna post again until after the new year, but you got yourself a deal.

Oh. My. God. Do we have that in common or what?! I just canNOT help laughing when someone falls or bumps into something. Katie did some post about bumping into a light once, 'cause she's so tall and I remember laughing forever about it. I guess reading about it gets to me, too. And I totally laughed at you laughing at this little boy. We're cruel heartless people, Slayer.

Oh, the most classic bump and even better if they bump AND fall, is when it's a glass door. HOLY POOP that gets me every FREAKIN' time!

Hahahah! Did you just link yourself?! HAHAHA! I clicked it. Go me?

P.S. Remind me to tell you about that one time I fell in Wal-Mart.

12/22/2005 1:29 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Jenn - Would love to hear how you fell in Wal-Mart. There was one lady who fell down for no reason outside of a Costco, and I couldn't stop laughing. Her poor family gave me a dirty look, but they have to understand how funny it had to be to someone to witness someone fall down for no reason. She didn't even trip. How lame is that? At least that dumb kid could have blamed the construction people.

12/22/2005 2:20 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Well, that's exactly what happened to me. Except you could add the fact that I was very drunk and I insisted on wearing those stupid boots where the rubber was old so it was soft and I would have mini accidents in them regularly. I was with 4 of my guy friends and the fuckers kept walking. We were all pretty ripped. We're walking to the registers and BLAM, there goes Jenn. Didn't slip or trip, just fell. There was worker standing right by, she say's, "Are you okay?" I say, "There's no wet floor sign here!" while laughing hysterically and walking away. Total embarrassment.


12/22/2005 4:10 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

P.S. Can you please stop laughing at me now? Sheesh.

12/22/2005 4:15 AM  
Blogger neal said...

You would have loved watching me learn to water ski in Lake Oroville. I was behind a speedboat with a 455 Olds engine. The guy hit the gas and I flew out of my ski's. Instead of letting go of the roppe I was belly skipping across the water for about a quarter mile. Funny as hell when you think about it now, but it wasn't so funny then.

12/22/2005 5:33 AM  
Blogger Mybrid said...

I love laughing and a lot makes me laugh, but probably the only thing in the world that doesn't make me laugh is seeing people fall. I just cringe in pain when I see it and feel really bad for them. I have an empathy level that doesn't let me laugh if someone else gets injured (and a bump and a scrape is injury enough).

12/22/2005 5:43 AM  
Blogger Bearette24 said...

You must love the Marx brothers. You might also want to see the video over at Leah's (

12/22/2005 6:50 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Yeah, I'd have to laugh at that situation too - especially being a skateboarder and have hurt myself many times. However not because a dog was pulling me and I didn't know how to stop! Hahahahahaha

12/22/2005 6:54 AM  
Blogger lime said...

you'd love to see me ski then. the first time i tried i went through the little lesson they give newbies. then i hit the slopes solo. i was snowplowing down the hill and thought i'd get a little more daring. parallelled my skis , hit a mogul and did my own personal rendition of that guy on wide world of sports who typefies 'the agony of defeat.' it was magnificent. two guys in the ski lift above me laughed their asses off and shouted down.....'ten! we give that fall a perfect 10!' i have to admit, i wished i could have seen it from their perspective. hehehehe

12/22/2005 6:59 AM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

I am laughing because of this post because I was feeling very guilty about times when I've laughed at my son when he's taken spills (my thoughts were prompted by your previous post). You have to understand the history of lack of coordination and grace that runs strong in my family. We do stupid things and get ourselves hurt. To date, I've not broken any bones from this "disorder of coordination" and neither has my son, but my mom has.

On a side note, I was reading Bearette's comment and I remember in college watching the old black and whites with Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, and the Three Stooges. I really got a charge out of those the first time I saw them. :-)

Thanks for the "shout out". ;-)

12/22/2005 7:26 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Jenn - I'm laughing now. Okay, I'll stop. Nope, can't do it. :p

Neal - I need to go to Lake Oroville more often. I bet that happens more often than people realize. First time I ever water-skied, I did a face plant. Then got the hang of it.

Mybrid - If someone loses a hit point or more, I don't laugh. But when someone is just being dumb and falls down for no reason, I can't help laughing. The kid was fine up until he saw that I saw him.

Bearette - She actually was alright for awhile, until she fell off the dance floor. That's classic. I left a comment on her blog about it. :)

Mrs. Z is actually the one who loves the Marx brothers. I'm more a Three Stooges, Chaplin guy.

Bsoholic - Skateboarders always have cool scars. Chicks like that. :)

Lime - First time I snowboarded, I landed on my nogging face up right under the ski lift. The guys above only gave me an eight, so I guess your fall was better.

Notta - Heh. I went to a buddy's wedding and his mother and I were talking about how lousy he is at sports. She told me about when he was a kid, she'd throw a ball to him, it would hit him on the chest and fall to the ground, then he'd close his arms. He hasn't improved much twenty years later.

Love Chaplin and the Stooges.

12/22/2005 8:51 AM  
Blogger neal said...

Another bad one I've pulled up at the lake is having your feet slip out from under you and you land on the water on your rump and get a fresh water enema.

Mybrid-I don't laugh when I see a serious fall where someone breaks bones but simple trips and falls are pretty hilarious sometimes.

12/22/2005 10:14 AM  
Anonymous Michele said...

Yeah, what is up with that being funny? It's a universal thing, too, I'll bet every culture laughs at it.
You would love to travel with my husband and me. A sneaking suspicion we've always had was confirmed on our last trip. We have the power to make people get mildly injured. It's like an X-File or something. Wherever we go, folks trip, fall and bump. They also seem to be super dramatic about it. We consider this "gift" and a blessing, because, like you, it cheers our hearts.

12/22/2005 10:37 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

"Hello, my name is T----, and I laugh at people falling down. Especially myself."

I remember a few years ago I was drunk with some of my friends, this was before I had my son and I still allowed myself to get drunk and worry not about the hangover... so anyway we were walking away from the party and my girlfriend and I were walking arm in arm, you know that drunk girl thingy where you hold each other up and slur non-intelligibles into each others ear about the cute guy watching you stumble. We were not paying attention to where we were walking, we just kept walking and we just happened to be moving towards the side of the road... what we didn't realize was there was a berm running up the side of the road.

I can still remember it clearly, even though i was anything but clear. One of us hit the berm and began falling and the other just kind of went with it. I can see it in slow motion. It's like "Oh we're falling now... how funny" Then we hit the ground and just lay there looking at each other with big grins on our faces not moving... the guy eventually came to pick us up.

hahahaha.... oh man it was a sweet moment.

12/22/2005 10:51 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

Oh and one not funny fall... this will make you cringe.

One day my boyfriend and I were in our car about to leave a parking lot when I noticed a young guy across the street who seemed to be stumbling. First I thought he must be drunk, but then I noticed that he actually seemed to be in pain and was holding his left arm. As we watched we walked up to a telephone pole, talked himself into it, and slammed his left shoulder so hard against the pole that it threw him backwards onto his ass. Even from in the car, I could hear his cry.

But you know what, it didn't work... his arm was still dislocated, so he got back up... and yes folks, he did it again. My boyfriend and I were stunned. It worked the second time and he walked away, but man, that guy had BALLS!!

12/22/2005 11:00 AM  
Blogger lime said...

cloth, oh ouch, i am crying thinking of it!

12/22/2005 1:36 PM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

Merry Christmas ZS!

12/22/2005 3:04 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

I had the exact same fall as Lime did, the first time I went skiing. The only difference was that I landed smack in front of a grooming machine coming up the hill. My skis were dragging around my ankles on those little safety straps as I was trying to hurry out of the way in those damned ski boots that don't bend!

Neal, I cracked my tailbone that way while waterskiing. My legs went numb for a few minutes and my "friends" were laughing too hard to help me into the boat. I'm just thankful there were no video cameras back then. ;)

12/22/2005 3:24 PM  
Blogger Moni said...

Awe, I'll bet his pride was hurt more than anything. I think people laugh at physical comedy because deep down inside they think, "better them than me."

12/22/2005 4:34 PM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

You are awful! But if a kid isn't crying until he sees that he's been seen, he wasn't really hurt to begin with.'re probably going to hell for that one, Slayer!

12/22/2005 5:21 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Neal - Never had one of those before. But then again, the boat I went waterskiing on was pretty slow comparitive to other boats.

Michele - That's a strange power to have. Maybe I need to go on a roadtrip with you all. Just don't watch as I walk up to your house and ring the bell. ;)

Clothosfate - I've always wondered what it was with drunk people falling down and not wanting to get back up. I was with a bunch of Indians (Casino, not Slurpee) once getting drunk and one of my buddies fell down and wanted us all to lie on the grass. We had to help him back up or else we would have never gotten home. Or maybe that was his way at hitting on that one cute Indian chick he was afraid to hit on sober. Weirdo drunks.

As for the guy putting his shoulder in, once my wrestling teacher had his shoulder dislocated during an arm bar (it had been out before, so he was used to it). He had one of his students put it back in. It was nasty.

Lime - Yeah, that was pretty nasty, but once someone does that, it's not as painful as the first time. Or at least that's what I heard. I'd rather not know.

ZL - You too buddy.

Tshsmom - Ouch. Hope it healed all the way.

Moni - I think people laugh at physical comedy because deep down inside they think, "better them than me."

Or maybe "I may be lame, but not that lame."

Saurkraut - Nah, I'm going to H*ll for something I've done before that.

12/22/2005 6:24 PM  
Blogger Liquidplastic said...

Ok .. I am laughing. Yes, I feel guilty because my first reaction is to laugh when someone falls down or step in dog shit. Hell, I even laugh when I fall down!

But I do remember when I was nine, going on ten .. I laughed when the preacher was coming out of the lake after he had baptized a couple of folks, and just when he was about to step out, reaching for someone hand, he slipped down and fell. He said "goddamn", as he was going down. I couldn't help it, I laughed out loud. I got slapped upside the head because I couldn't stop laughing.

12/23/2005 5:20 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

LP - my first reaction is to laugh when someone falls down or step in dog shit.

Doo doo is always funny when it happens to someone else. My brother kneeled down in a nice heap of goat doo doo once and I couldn't stop laughing.

As for the Preacher, I would have been knocked upside the head too, so don't feel bad. :)

12/23/2005 8:22 AM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

My friends took me to my favorite Indian restaurant for my 25th birthday. For some unknown reason, the Indian beer really did a number on my that night. After dinner, we decided to walk over to my favorite bar in the East Village. It was my hang-out, so the bartender and a lot of other folk knew me. They had the best jukebox in the world!

Anyway, it was raining like cats and dogs outside, thus making the metal thingy on the floor part of the doorjam REALLY slippery. My friend Maryanne walked in first, then me, then my friend Franco. Maryanne made it in safely. I slipped on the doorjam and tried to grab hold of Maryanne's shoulder. She jumped away from my hold. Franco yelled "BHAKTI'S FALLING!!!!" and EVERYONE in the bar stopped what they were doing and stared as my face hit the floor. MaryAnne was laughing her ass off!!!!I got up, and just stared at everyone, including Marco the bartender, as they stared back. "I'm okay," I said.

Maryanne and Franco decided that they just couldn't stay in the bar with me after my beautiful entrance!

Merry Christmas, ZombieSlayer!

12/23/2005 9:29 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

The most painful times I've had were spent trying not to laugh when my brother got whacked by my mother or father, or when I've hit somebody in the back with a racquetball--all that flailing! I'm with you man.

12/23/2005 10:56 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Oh man.
There's nothing worse than laughing at kids when the fall down. It's one of my challenges as a parent--to be totally *smirk free* when the kids fall down.

12/23/2005 1:12 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Sadie - It's one of my challenges as a parent--to be totally *smirk free* when the kids fall down.

I think you and I are in the majority here. We just admit it. ;)

Scott - The most painful times I've had were spent trying not to laugh when my brother got whacked by my mother or father,

Nothing is funnier than seeing a kid get spanked, as long as it's not you. That's why my friends would never admit when they got spanked. You could tell, because they have that embarassed look in their face. And I knew that if I told them I just got spanked, they'll never stop laughing.

Bhakti - Funny thing is, I've always had my balance when drinking, except when it's tequila.

As for Maryanne, she actually brought away from you when you were falling?

12/23/2005 4:41 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

TOTALLY agree that it's hilarious. We're not cruel, that's how we're trained as kids to laugh.

I even laugh when I fall.

Once hopped over a small snowbank to get to a taxi, hit a patch of ice and wound up on my back under the taxi like a turtle, laughing my ass off. Ever tried to stand up when you're laughing?

Taxi driver is yelling "oh my god" over and over in a funny accent, so it just made me laugh harder...

That was years ago and it's like it happened yesterday. STill makes me smile...

Merry Christmas, Zombieslayer! Long may you laugh!


12/23/2005 6:33 PM  
Blogger SME said...

Wow, I would be an endless source of amusement to you guys. I'm a total clod and, like the lady at Costco, fall down regularly for absolutely NO FREAKIN' REASON.
(Merry Christmas anyway!) :)

12/23/2005 11:07 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

I've done that too, Bridg! Only it was my boyfriend's car and I was wearing a formal. We were both laughing so hard, I didn't think I'd EVER get out of there!

ZS, you'd get a LOT more laughs if you lived in a climate that's ice-covered in the winter.

MERRY CHRISTMAS and enjoy the time with your family ZS!!

12/24/2005 5:52 AM  
Blogger marcy_peanut said...

Merry Christmas, Zombie Slayer!

12/24/2005 8:22 AM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

HI Zombie Slayer!!

I hope you and yours have a Wonderful holiday season!

I'm so glad that our worlds collided in this blogospherical apparatus!!


12/24/2005 9:00 AM  
Blogger marcy_peanut said...

hEY...what happened to my picture in the above comment?? It's doesn't really look like me anyway!! haha

12/24/2005 11:23 AM  
Blogger Mel said...

Yeah, I'm the same way. That's why I love Jim Carrey's movies so much, because he has a lot of physical comedy in them. What's even worse is when my kids fall and hurt themselves and I have to try and not laugh. OMG! SHK gets so mad at me he could kill! But I can't help it. That shit's funny! And I clicked on the link where you linked yourself too, like jenn did. Glad it wasn't just a blonde thing.

12/24/2005 10:42 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

oh p.s. merry christmas...

12/24/2005 10:47 PM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

12/25/2005 7:21 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Hope your Christmas was most excellent and the whole Slayer clan had an awesome holiday!

I still laugh about the time when my friend hit the embarrassment trifecta. We were kids. We were out in my back yard playing on the swing set and he got hit by a bird bomb. I started laughing so hard I almost fell off the swing.

He got so mad and embarrassed that he started to run back home. He tripped over his own foot and fell. I was crying with laughter by then.

He got up to reveal that his fall landed him right on top of a dog bomb. I'm probably going to go to hell for it...but I'm laughing right now!


12/25/2005 11:28 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Shawn, I really think that you should send him a dog turd tree ornament to make amends!

12/26/2005 6:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They're J.W.s and they don't do the whole Christmas the excellent ornament idea is out.

I still see him since our families are friends...I should just tell his kids the story! Hmmm...what a great idea!

12/26/2005 9:12 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

Casino not Slurpee? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OMG! The cliche's just keep coming!!

12/26/2005 10:20 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

You have an evil mind Shawn! I LIKE that.

12/26/2005 12:26 PM  
Blogger Bhakti said...

Shawn--you are TOO darn funny!! Did the guy ever talk to you again???

12/26/2005 6:17 PM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

Hopeyou had a wonderful Christmas!

12/27/2005 4:24 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

That's hilarious... someday I'll tell y'all about the time John was knocked out cold by my cat...

12/27/2005 7:57 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bridget - Ever tried to stand up when you're laughing?

Funny, that's not as easy as it sounds.

Sme - Maybe we need to hire someone to follow you around with a video camera. :)

Tshsmom - ZS, you'd get a LOT more laughs if you lived in a climate that's ice-covered in the winter.

Left Chicago for that very reason. It's too !@#$%^& cold.

Marcy - You too. Hope yours went well.

Bhakti - I'm so glad that our worlds collided in this blogospherical apparatus!!

Me too. :)

Mel - What's even worse is when my kids fall and hurt themselves and I have to try and not laugh.

Yeah, when Junior falls down, he gets mad when I laugh. :p

Saurkraut - You too. Hope yours went well.

Shawn - Wow! That's three laughs for the price of one. My buddy in 2nd grade got hit by a bird on the head, the shoulder, and in his lunch within a ten second period. I couldn't stop laughing.

Anon - Please do. These stories rock.

Clothosfate - The cliches don't stop here. ;)

Miladysa - Hope you and yours had one too. :)

Laura - Yeah, we definitely need to hear that story.

12/27/2005 8:58 AM  

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