Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Tails or wings?

What if you had a tail? Would you like to have a tail? I think it would be a royal pain, myself. For one thing, they don't make a good set of jeans for people with tails. For another, you'd have to have specially made chairs. Chairs nowadays always either have complete backs or backs with spaces the wrong size, sized to easily get your tail stuck. Now that would be embarassing.

The good thing about a tail though is that you could control it. But would you rather have a tail like a dog, that wags when you're happy? Or would you rather have a prehensile tail, one that you could swing from trees with? I think a dog tail would be completely useless, but a prehensile tail, now that would be cool. If a zombie came at you, you could simply use your tail to get up a tree real fast. Of course, the zombie would wait for you, but you could rain stuff down on him and keep him occupied until backup arrived.

Would you date anyone with a tail? I wouldn't. It would freak me out. You know how you used to play footsies with your date? Well, now you wouldn't know if it was a foot or a tail you're playing footsies with. That's no good.

Plus, for a fighting perspective, a tail would hinder more than it would help. I know so many judo and jiu-jitsu moves where you grab the guy's belt and throw him or use it against him in some other way. Same with a tail, except now you have two things to grab.

Now wings on the other hand, that would be cool. I could care less if anyone made fun of my wings. I'd just come up in the air and swoop down on them. The last thing they'd remember would be making fun of the guy with wings. After they regain consciousness, they'd learn the hard way never to do that again.

I'd definitely date someone with wings. If I fell in love with them, I wouldn't have to worry about them as much when the zombies come. They'd just go up in the air.

Plus, it would be so convenient. "Dang, it's hot outside, but I don't want to waste gas. Let's bike over to the park."

"I'll fly there. I'll meet you there."

How cool would that be? Okay friends, tails or wings? Plus, would you date
someone with a tail? With wings?


Blogger Laura said...

I dunno about the fighting bit... look at cats and kangaroos - they use their tails for balance. That would come in handy in a fight. Though people would be stepping on it all the time.

I guess it depends on the tail. A stubby little thing like Jason Alexander had in Shallow Hal would be disgusting.

I think wings would get in the way more. you'd need a special chair to be able to sit back & relax.

7/20/2005 12:13 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

My woman friends and I have actually discussed this before. Only in terms of having a 3rd arm; all moms should be equipped with a 3rd arm.
We finally decided that we'd stick with our 2 arms. We couldn't decide WHERE the arm should go. Then you run into wardrobe and comfort issues.....
In answer to your question, I guess I'd choose wings. But then you run into wardrobe and comfort issues. . . .

7/20/2005 12:27 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

Wings would be sweet. Flying around might be as tiring as walking though, but at least you'd get a nice view.

A prehensile(sp) tail would be awesome too. I could use it to hold my beer when I'm cooking up tri-tip, or to hold my lenses when I'm on assignment.

As for dating someone with a tail,... mmmm I don't know. But it might be interesting for someone I'm dating if I had a monkey tail...

Sorta kinky?

7/20/2005 12:48 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Joe - you gave me an entirely different perspective. I've always wanted a third arm so I could hold my beer while doing other things, but a prehensile tail would be just as convenient.

Tshsmom - You must have cool friends, to have already discussed things like that. Not only Moms, but Dads could benefit a 3rd arm too. We need it when rough housing with the kids because they always attack Dads when we're holding something important.

Laura - Hmmm...I do remember seeing a kangaroo boxer using his tail for balance, so maybe that's not such a bad thing. Also, a guy with a prehensile tail could throw a few jabs to the face as a distraction while the tail goes to whap the other guy in the ding ding. That would definitely work in a fighting situation.

Have to disagree with you about the special chair for a winged creature. The winged guy could just stand in the back and look cool, while resting on his wings. I bet that guy would get the chicks. The same goes for a woman. If I were in class and saw a woman with wings just standing in the back taking notes, wow, that would be sexy. She'd use one of those foldable dinner trays to take notes on instead of one of those cramped and highly uncomfortable desks.

7/20/2005 2:22 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Here's my question: Would are tails be like skinny, long arms with skin and a little hair or would they be covered in fur like an animal's tail?
I think the skin tail would be gross.
The fur one just seems useless. When we need to use it except when you're a kid or something. Maybe a tail would be cool if you could fight with it, like Nightcrawler from X-Men.

I think I'd take wings any day.

7/20/2005 3:14 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Wings wings wings. I still am annoyed that I have to walk places, and I"m freakin' 53 years old. You'd think I'd get it by now...

Re tails...if I could have one like the Stegosaurus (or however you spell that) would love to have one for just 5 minutes to meet with MR. B...heh heh heh

7/20/2005 3:59 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

p.s. would date a wing person, they might be an angel.

Tail person? Nope.

7/20/2005 3:59 PM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

Wings, for God's sake, WINGS!!!! I've wanted to fly for as long as I can remember. I was born to have my feet hovering above the ground. I can't imaging how there would be any question. A tail, indeed! Absurd!

7/20/2005 6:25 PM  
Blogger Ben said...

ZS, I would want wings, flying would kick ass. By the way, start doing your anti-pc posts again! It kinda looks like your running out of other random material ;)

7/20/2005 7:00 PM  
Blogger Kunaxa said...

Tricky question, not sure which one I would want. Depends, if my tail comes with a pointy triangle at the end of it, then yes ... of course I would want a tail over wings.

As far as dating winged or tailed girls? Please, I would date ANYTHING that has a hoo-hoo. I done already landed some far more freakish creatures.

7/20/2005 8:03 PM  
Anonymous ann said...

i'm with tshsmom. the husband has been thinking about what to do with a third arm for years (you know, should it be a right arm or a left arm, etc.). i'd be happy with wings or fins, actually, since i'm a swimmer! :)

7/20/2005 8:56 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

I certainly wouldn't date someone with a tail...Unless tails were universal and everyone had them. In that case, it wouldn't be so odd. But, given the choice between an awkward and in-the-way tail and cool, Wow-I-can-fly wings, I'd totally take the wings.

7/20/2005 10:32 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

I'd love wings. If I dated someone with either, I'd like both actually. We could fly together and his tail would probably allow for better steering.

Ok I'm thinking about this too much now and must go. :)

7/21/2005 5:19 AM  
Blogger Levi Nunnink said...

Wings by far. If you have wings you've got the whole angel thing going, which is mysterious and girls would probabaly dig it.

Having a tail is just freaky.

7/21/2005 8:41 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Levi - It's a fine line with the babes between being mysterious and freaky. That's a line I've always wondered which side I was on to them. ;)

Kris - Better steering with both? I haven't thought of that.

Laurie - totally with you there.

Ann - fins would be cool too. Haven't thought of that. Harry Potter had fins in book 4 and they helped him get by the scary Merpeople.

Cultureshocked - me too, buddy. The thing is, they didn't start off as freakshows until after we've been dating for awhile.

Ben - me run out of random material? Nah. I do have a piece in the queue on the origins of ethnic jokes which is more historical than funny.

PC - You and I are more alike than you realize (I hope that doesn't scare you).

Bridget - yeah, I too have had bosses and co-workers that needed a good whip with a stegosaurus tail. But we agree wings rule.

Sadie - if you choose tail, it's your choice of tail. Can be a prehensile tail, a dog tail, Nightcrawler's tail, or even a spiked tail.

7/21/2005 12:04 PM  
Blogger savage said...

I know you're gonna hate me for this, but unless you changed your physiology significantly, you couldn't have wings that you could fly with. At least not under their own power.

An albatross is almost completely wing and it has the largest wingspan. The problem is that lift can only be sustained at certain speeds vs. mass. If the mass goes up, the speed must also go up.

This is why planes don't flap their wings and why all those videos of people gluing on wings and then falling down cliffs are so damn funny. Humans are just too damn big.
Wings are also interesting from a spiritual/religious perspective. If you have wings, unlike a bird, you still have your arms and legs. Right?

If not, then you are like a bird or a bat, wings INSTEAD of arms and/or your hands and arms are built with the wings (think bats). Bats are the most successful mammals -- they outnumber all other species.

On the other hand (or feather), if you have arms AND wings, a la Catholic angels, you have HUGE problems spiritually; because it makes you a demon.

Before all this devil/evil stuff was added to the bible, the only stuff about angels suggested they were humans of unspecified origins. Most likely diplomats from God. Probably dressed like it too (white uniforms). I can't imagine what their voices sounded like. It's probably good that they aren't known so much for speaking. (Hey, don't look back; and don't say you weren't warned.)

Moths and 'roaches. 'nuff said.

7/21/2005 12:55 PM  
Blogger Queenie said...

Definitely wings. No I wouldn't date someone with a tail, I'm already scared of a guys third appendage let along a forth! ;)

7/21/2005 1:07 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Savage - you just had to ruin the fantasy, huh? ;)

Queenie - Love your humor. I guess almost everyone's choosing wings. Poor tail people.

7/21/2005 7:47 PM  

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