Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Too much perfume

I was parking my car in the downtown garage and passed this guy that I could have smelled from fifty feet away. No, he wasn't a hippie. He was a yuppie with obvious issues about his smell.

With some of these people, I think of that Guns and Roses song, you know, the one that goes
I used to do a little but a little wouldn't do it
so a little got more and more

Why do they have to wear so much? Is it because they've become so immune to the smell of their perfume/cologne that they forget they have it on?

What happened when that guy was young? Did he go poo poo in his pants in the first grade and carry the nickname Poo Poo Pete until his parents had to move to Florida?

All right, I'll admit. I'm a Zombieslayer, not a pop psychologist, so your guess is probably better than mine. I do know from one of the sexiest women I've ever known the correct way to apply perfume (or cologne).

You start off, right out of the shower, completely naked. Spray the bottle once or twice in the air. Walk through the spray once forwards and once backwards.

Not everyone should be able to smell your perfume (or cologne), only the one you want close to you. If you're wearing too much, you're hiding something, and turning that special someone away.

Also, more importantly, colognes and perfumes have been known to attract zombies. Wearing too much is a sure way to draw attention to you during the zombie plague. Attention is something you do not want. Remember friends, the key to surviving this upcoming plague is simply survival, not heroics, and not drawing too much attention to yourself. So either learn to wear that perfume/cologne correctly, or throw the bottle out.


Blogger Vest said...

I must try that,nothing else seems to work anymore, what blokey mating spray would you recommend for an old geezer like me.
Possibly the over powering sweet smell of freshly printed banknotes may attract most fair damsels.

6/21/2005 8:26 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Worked for that 88 year old bloke who married Anna Nicole Smith.

6/21/2005 8:29 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

I don't wear perfume usually, but I've gotten compliments on the smell of my hand-sanitizer. It's the pearberry kind from either The Body Shop or Bath and Body Works - I can't remember which. :-P

I agree ZS - I can't stand to smell someone else's cologne or perfume and I end up sneezing a blue streak. :-/

6/21/2005 8:41 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

I'll try some old reconstituted dollar bills, I am a decade less in antiquity than that 88 year old retrobate whoever he is. It is terrible having to remind ourselves we not a 25 year old Adonis any more, so sad !
Just had a dekko in the M bedroom. er indoors uses Red door, White diamonds , Poison, Tabu, Posiedon, Unbound,Ch no5, Charlie, Geisha, Bella,etc.
I shall now sing," You had better keep her, you'll find its cheaper, than making-Whoopie".

6/21/2005 11:11 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Wait Vest... before you dive in to the money smell, make sure it's new bills and they're big. The fairer sex has a keen sense of smell and can tell if it's the new stuff or wadded up one dollar bills that have been sweated up in some guy's Levis. Trust me... using the ones is a disaster!

6/22/2005 7:00 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

That's why I wear lotion. From either Bath and Body works or The Body Shop. I always smell delicious, but only to the people who get close enough ;P

6/22/2005 9:25 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

so true, so accurate.

6/22/2005 10:37 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

What's worse, O.P. (over-perfumed) or B.O?

6/22/2005 10:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with Melanie.

I occasionally wear perfume, but I only spray a little on my neck and on my wrists. I don't like to knock people out, and I think it's CHEESY when guys wear so much. Natural pheremones will probably go a lot further than oppressive cologne or perfume.

6/22/2005 11:18 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Joe - that's a toughie. I'd have to say a O.P. BO is disgusting, but O.P. will actually cause me to sneeze uncontrollably. The other thing is both have been found to attract zombies. Perfume, even though it's perfume, with not cover up the smell of sweat to a zombie and in fact enhance it.

6/22/2005 11:36 AM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

That's easy, ZS! They wear a lot so that they can fart, or because they HAVE farted.....Bridg

6/22/2005 3:34 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

I've noticed that most people who wear too much cologne are usually the types with the hot new car and gaudy jewelry. I think it's just their way of making sure you notice them with all of your senses.

6/22/2005 4:13 PM  
Blogger Vest said...

Hi Bridget; Flatulent Emissions occur more frequently in women than in men, on average 14 times per day for men and as much as 18 times for women.
Men and Women over the age of 53; such as in your case dear Bridget, will produce far more bodily gases as their age increases, thereby giving rise to the expression "You silly old Fart" Ha Ha.

6/22/2005 8:54 PM  
Anonymous rosemary said...

Bridget, Vest as he calls himself is a silly old fart too, he means no offence, and I love him Lots.
I do have an obsession with perfume, and I either take a bath or shower once or twice a day, bodily evacuations are not my favourite topic for discussion, although I have been known to giggle when it occurs accidently in the company of others.
Mrs vest, Daily Gaggle.

6/22/2005 9:31 PM  
Anonymous george from tassie said...

that rosemary sounds bit more toffee nosed than brigit--= ladies must say i fluffed or braking wind--- do not say fart again.

6/25/2005 8:36 AM  

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