Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I have no desire to see it

Batman Begins. Fantastic Four. Two more comic book movies. Yeah.

I have no desire to see any of them. They're being heavily hyped. But I'll tell you what will happen.

The bad guys will shoot lots of rounds. They'll either miss or their bullets will have no effect. They'll be big explosions. There will be a hot chick. There will be a love story.

One of the good guys can do back flips. For the record, if you do back flips, all bullets will miss you. In fact, all projectiles will miss you. Lasers. Broken glass. Automated razor blades. Back flips have a way of making everything miss.

A lesser good guy will die. Don't worry, the main good guy will throw a bone to the lesser good guy's family and they'll do their part and go away for the rest of the movie.

The main good guy starts out as some rich kid, but something bad happens to him, so he decides to dedicate his life to fighting crime instead of hanging out with rich celebrities and going on cruises.

The good guy(s) will have a cool set of wheels. Or a plane. Or a boat, or some cool means of transportation. Or maybe all of the above.

The good guy will get seriously hurt. No problem though. He'll just take a shower and get all his hit points back. It's like those old video games where you eat a piece of chicken and get all your health back.

If you're going to see them, have a great time. I won't be there. You'll have to let me know though if I'm right or not.

15 Comments:

Blogger Kunaxa said...

Chicken makes everything better.

So, I read somewhere that 'NIGHTCRAWLER' has been X-ed (pardon the silly pun) from XMEN3. Too bad, that was one of the cooler characters.

New mutants in X3:

Shadowcat
Juggernaut
Beast (Kelsey Grammer?)


Never got into the Batman movies. I guess they were good when they had Michelle Pfeiffer as Cat Woman ... then they got all wierd on us and brough on The Governator, Jim Carey, Tommy Lee Jones and all the other freak shows in Hollywood.

6/22/2005 4:35 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

Yup, Hollywood template stuff. I might see Batman. Or not. But you can predict the "twists." One thing to remember on FF, at least, one or more of them will find their powers compromised and need to use their minds to get out of a jam.

6/22/2005 4:39 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Cultureshocked - I really liked X-Men I. I thought the sub-plot between Wolverine and Rogue was very well done. Plus, Captain Picard and the guy who played the guy who could control metal are both fine actors. But just didn't enjoy X-Men 2.

Yeah, the first 2 Batman movies were good. Michelle Pfeiffer is hot. Her sister posed nude too and she's hot as well.

Jason - template. Excellent word. Daredevil was a perfect example of a Hollywood template movie. It was soooo bad.

6/22/2005 5:36 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

I was nearly tempted to see Batman just to see Katie Holmes... Now how could I watch her without thinking, 'You're shagging Tom Cruise?!'

I think I might just rerun a clip of Yoda fighting for an hour and a half every time I get the urge to go see a movie. It'll save money and aggravation and I can watch it in my boxers while drinking a frosty beer.

6/22/2005 7:08 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

'You're shagging Tom Cruise?!'
Oh...I wouldn't be so quick to think that. I believe this is some kind of awkward show Tom is putting on so that people will stop thinking he's a homo that's into some nutty religion. I think they're just friends and he pays her handsomely to put the show on with him.

6/22/2005 7:30 AM  
Blogger Joe said...

Batman was great.
Honestly.

It's definitely worth watching. Bale is the best Batman by far. And the director, Christopher Nolan (Memento) makes this the most "real" feeling comic book flick yet.

I liked it a lot better than Xmen and Spiderman. It's much darker, grittier.

Plus, Qui Gonn Jin makes a cameo as a Jedi trapped on planet Earth who teaches Batman his ninja tricks.

Pretty neat.

6/22/2005 10:46 AM  
Anonymous walker, a fellow zombie fighter said...

i do assume you be seeing land of the dead, right? it looks like it might be the first good zombie movie in awhile...

6/22/2005 10:50 AM  
Blogger jk said...

I'm sure your already familiar with this sight, but, if not, I thought you might enjoy it:

http://consc.net/zombies.html

6/22/2005 11:03 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Walker - of course. Seeing that and the movie Undead when they come out.

Joe - I did like both X-Men I and Spiderman I. Didn't like either of their sequels. So if you're saying Batman Begins is the best Batman and better than those two, I'll have to check it out. I wrote this piece because I was fearing as Jason said a "Hollywood template."

Sadie - After seeing Nicole Kidman nekkid in that one movie she did with Cruise, I was thinking there has to be something wrong with Cruise to divorce her. Kidman's gorgeous and I've heard from multiple sources that she's a kind lady. Plus if I'm not mistaken she's an Aussie and I love Aussie accents. You might be right about the way Cruise swings his bat.

Shawn - no idea who Katie Holmes is. As for Yoda, he really blew it. He could have saved that galaxy. What a let down. Greatest of the Jedi he is not. But the guy I'm really mad at is Samuel L Jackson. If I ever meet him, I'm going to seriously yell at him. "You know Samuel L Jackson, if you were nicer to Annakin, he would have never joined the dark side!"

6/22/2005 11:07 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

JK - Ha! Thanks for the link. Funny that it even mentions Unix processes gone wrong. However, we've always called them "ghost processes." Maybe it's a West vs East coast thang.

6/22/2005 11:10 AM  
Blogger FantasticAlice said...

oh, okay, just ruin it for us then!

snicker snicker

6/22/2005 2:36 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

We are going to see Batman this weekend. Why? Well, we were going to stay away from it because we too were worried it was going to be a typical Hollywood standard, but everybody that we know that has seen it won't stop talking about how good it was.

My friend Jamie, who is an indie movie FREAK (ie: doesn't see too many mainstream films) actually went and saw it, and loved it!

6/22/2005 3:21 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Oh ZS!! There's a lot of philosophical stuff in BB, but I won't nag you to go.

I hate campy stuff but this wasn't. Chaqu'un a son gout.

Agree with SH re the latest Cruise cruise.

Hey I read all the Hardy Boys, Tom Swift, Nancy Drew and Dana Girls books when I was a kidlette. Bobbsey Twins too.

Bridg

6/22/2005 3:28 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

All right. Batman Returns is getting too many good reviews. I might just break down and see it.

6/23/2005 9:53 AM  
Blogger Paul said...

Batman Begins: best, most interesting movie I've seen this year. The first in which I could truly believe that a comic book hero could actually live, be real, have a normal human existance. Wayne is portrayed as a man, but more than a man; as a symbol that exists in the person of a man.

Simply incredible--what movies should be.

6/24/2005 9:08 PM  

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