Monday, October 10, 2005

The Third Wheel

I know your bestest buddy and her boyfriend are just swell. I'm not denying that. I know you love hanging out with them, and that they not only make you laugh so hard your eyes water, they're even your primary inspiration for when it comes to writing. Any way you slice it though, you're the third wheel.

In private circumstances, that's fine. But in public, it's usually not. Take for instance you're in a restaurant cracking up at their spontaneous humor and having a whale of a time, when you see someone of the opposite sex that is absolutely hot.

That someone sees you and immediately recognizes your situation. You're the third wheel. Right away to that special someone, a big L appears on your forehead. In this case, it's not all good.

So scratch that idea right now of getting a number. If you do manage to get a number, it will be a random number they make up on the spot. Unless of course they feel sorry for you, but that's not a good way to start a relationship. Think Back to the Future how Michael J. Fox's parents met because his mother felt sorry for his father. We all know where that relationship went.

And lastly, when the zombies come, and you're the third wheel, well, nothing personal but your needs come last. The Zombieslayer Institute of Technology has even found some past instances of couples pushing a third wheel in the direction of the zombies to make their escape that much easier. Not a situation you want to be in.

So the next time your bestest buddy takes you out, you have three options. One, make sure it's just you and her. Two, get a fourth person. Or three, pretend you're sick. Of course you don't want to ruin a good friendship, but then again you never want to be a third wheel in public.

Another friendly tip from your friend and mine, The Zombieslayer.

24 Comments:

Blogger United We Lay said...

My husband's best friend lives with us, and he has no problem getting dates. I love having him around. It's like having two husbands. There is always a man in the house when I need a jar opened or to protect me when the Zombies come.

10/10/2005 8:42 AM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

GREAT advice, ZS. I HATE being the third wheel.

And, having been it more than my fair share of times, I would have to agree, nothing says LOSER like being the friend that's just "tagging along".

10/10/2005 8:44 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

PC and ZL - You know what's really funny about your two responses? They're exact opposites. I'm really curious how others will respond to this.

10/10/2005 9:55 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

I was a third wheel for a while some time ago. It sucked, and your advice is sound for anyone who may be in that situation.

10/10/2005 10:17 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Okay. My husband has a good friend, a man. Sometimes when they hang out, like say they go to Comp USA and out to lunch, I'll go with them. Now who's the third wheel?
Me? I don't feel like the third wheel and neither does my husband's friend, even though he's with a "couple".
I think the third wheel ideology applies to couples bringing a friend who is single or three people of the same sex.
Like if I were to go somewhere with my sister-in-law and her best friend, I would feel like the third wheel in that situation.
When I was single, I used to feel like a third wheel when my girlfriend who had a boyfriend, would invite me to go with them to a party or the movies or something. It feels awkward. Have you ever been in that ugly situation where the couple start making out or flirting or something with you in close proximity? Lame!

10/10/2005 10:25 AM  
Blogger Stephalupogus said...

I'm bewteen PC & Sadie Lou. I have been dragged along as a buffer on several blind dates & thats never fun cause it can go either way. You either ditch the loser or get ditched yourself. But I have been the 3rd wheel with so many of my friends who are now married that it just is a fact. And since so many now have kids, I am another set of arms to help carry. There is no time to feel awkward then. Unless "mysteriously" that single guy from their work shows up while you are all at dinner, THAT is a different kettle of fish all together.

10/10/2005 10:52 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

I see being a third wheel as when you only have a personal relationship with one of the other people... Our friend Donna hangs out with us all the time and she's not a third wheel since she's friends with us both. If I invited a friend of mine to go out with John and I who didn't know John very well, then they'd be a 3rd wheel...

10/10/2005 12:01 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Laura - It's cool as long as you don't make out with your S.O. or be all touchy-feely. I hate that feeling of hanging out with a buddy.

When a good friend of mine hangs with my wife and me, we make a point not to touch. So another party has no idea who's going out with whom and who the third wheel is.

Stephalupogus - As long as you're cool with it. I actually like being with other people's kids, as long as they're at least four. I can't stand babies and toddlers, but love kids that are big enough to play with.

The situation I'm in now though is I do a lot of hanging with my wife's buddy, who has two kids. They love it when I show up because the kids like it when I play monster with them. I wish they'd cut their nails though. :\

Sadie - Have you ever been in that ugly situation where the couple start making out or flirting or something with you in close proximity?

This is exactly the situation I'm complaining about.

Bsoholic - Ah ha. So you know. :(

10/10/2005 1:31 PM  
Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

What funny timing! My best friend just got engaged to another friend of mine and they're so clingy sometimes I wonder how they don't get bored of each other. Anyway, I went out for lunch with them yesterday (okay, they treated me to lunch) and I couldn't help but think that I should be feeling loserish or something. But I couldn't. Instead, it just felt fun to hang out with the two of them together. But I'm just a dork.

10/10/2005 2:40 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

I was often a third wheel in my single days as so many friends my age were long-married. I just made sure it was never during serious "dating" situations; more just being out drinking, or a casual dinner, etc. I still managed to meet a few ladies on those nights.

10/10/2005 2:56 PM  
Blogger Dawner said...

***poof*** Hey there good topic, I don't so much mind the third wheel part with my couple friends I go out with. The part that I hate is always becoming the driver at the end of the night and I'm the only one wanting to go home, that and looking in the rear view mirror and the back seat has become a modern heirloom which I can only watch. ***poof***

10/10/2005 4:23 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

I'm laughing because when H and I go some places, we sometimes take his friend (the third wheel). I really didn't think of it in the terms you've spelled out. I will consider it my civic duty to always set up the "fourth wheel". Thank you for the advice! :-)

10/10/2005 4:28 PM  
Blogger Dawner said...

***poof*** Oh that's funny scratch heirloom what I meant was harem, got me on that one slayer! ***poof***

10/10/2005 4:32 PM  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

sounds like this advice comes from bitter personal experience?

being the third wheel is fine if

a) you're not looking and don't care if you look like a loser.

b) You're friends are into threesomes

10/10/2005 4:44 PM  
Blogger sygyzy said...

ZS - You are right. I have to stop hanging out with Dave and Jess. :(

10/10/2005 5:11 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Sygyzy - Okay. I'll bug Dave to bug Jess to find you someone. Or better yet, maybe Rabbit. Wow, Rabbit is so hot. What ever happened to Costco girl? I still bet she's a LUG.

I did a post earlier about "stupid rich," where you're so rich you could be as stupid as Paris Hilton and still die rich. Maybe one day I'll do a post about "stupid hot" where someone is so hot people become stupid around them, like me when Rabbit was around.

GWB - sounds like this advice comes from bitter personal experience?

Wonder what gave you that idea. ;)

Threesomes? Sure. It's just Mrs. Z doesn't like the idea of me and two other women. :(

Notta - Well, as long as you and your S.O. aren't making out or anything when he's around. My wife and I try to look as neutral as possible when taking a third out, so said third doesn't have a big L on his forehead.

Dawner - Yup, been driver before. Now I force someone to be in the front seat unless they pay me chauffeur rates. If I'm going to look like a dork, they better at least pay me for it.

Jason - I still managed to meet a few ladies on those nights.

You did? You're a stud. I never got any action when I was the third wheel.

Brownsvillegirl - Hmm...There's a dilemna. Free lunch + looking like a dork or staying at home and playing videogames. Tough call. :\

10/10/2005 5:48 PM  
Blogger snavy said...

Very good advice - you should work for a newspaper doing Dear Zombieslayer.

I've never had a third wheel or been a third wheel. But, for the zombie plague , I may want to get one to use as a distraction. Damn good advice!

10/10/2005 6:53 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

ZS - No, we aren't like that. One of my pet peeves is watching people make out in public, which seems to happen a lot around here. Either they're trying to convince other people or they're trying to convince themselves of their love/lust. :-P

10/10/2005 7:58 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Holy shit, Batman! This is a GREAT post. I wanna come back and comment, but I'm learning not to promise, because I suck at that stuff.

Just wanted to come say hi and tell you I haven't forgotten about you! And, no, I'm not leaving forever, just for a little bit, ya know?

Anyhow, HI SLAYER! xoxo

10/11/2005 5:48 AM  
Blogger Thomcat said...

whenever i'm the third wheel, i usually get a free dinner or movie out of it ... they call, i say no ... i'm broke or something like that, then they say, it's on us .. i say , i love mexican food ...

10/11/2005 7:49 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

whoa. thomcat looks like a mix of David Bowie and David Spade.
Just needed to say that.

10/11/2005 8:26 AM  
Blogger Thomcat said...

sadie - thanks .... i think ...

10/11/2005 9:07 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Sadie - Hmm...kind of.

Thom - Heh. I'd be like "Saigon City in Bellevue?"

Jenn - Whew. I was afraid you were abandoning us. So, anyways, hi! And go check out Serenity. Zombie Lama was right. It's a tight flick.

Notta - Yeah, PDA's are gross, especially making out. Now if you're giving your buddy a big hug because their dog got run over by the garbage man, that's one thing. But I'd rather see a worm in my apple than someone just totally making out on the street corner.

Snavylyn - You know who's good at the Dear stuff? Thom. That's where I stole my idea of Dear Zombieslayer.

But yes, I could think of a few people I wouldn't mind using as the Third Wheel when the zombies come. :p

10/11/2005 9:18 AM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

well, no never was a 3rd/5th wheel. Hate that situation. Did go to lots of stuff by myself that couples were at (OK bad grammar), decided that I hated that too.

Did have a couple move around the corner from me and the ex the day that he told me that he was leaving. The man in the other couple travelled most of his week, and when he was home they fought constantly (7 kids too). Didn't like being the audience, I can tell you. On the other hand, it was a good thing I was around to keep her company and the kids. It worked out OK.

That was over 20 years ago.

Would rather be on my own....Bridg

10/11/2005 4:24 PM  

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