Thursday, October 06, 2005

Taking advantage of cronyism

I'm not even going to get mad at the Harriet Miers nomination. Why bother? I will do my part and write Boxer to let her know she's way underqualified for the position. (Feinstein and The Zombieslayer hate each other so I won't bother writing her).

Instead of getting mad, I'll share something with you. The future.

Jeb will be President in 2012. Scary thought, I know, but this is why.

The economy sucks. It sucks so much that unless the Democrats do something stupid like nominate Clinton or Kerry for their person, they'll win in a landslide. Of course, the Democrats will have all these ideas, but do nothing. As America continues to export its middle class everywhere else and looks the other way as illegals come in and undercut the working class, the economy will continue to suck, traffic will get worse, hospitals will close, strip malls and suburbs will replace more family farms, etc.

It will look so bad that Jeb will blame it all on the Democrats, even though it's both of their faults. So as the Democratic candidate wins in a landslide in 2008, Jeb wins in a landslide in 2012.

Which is where you come in.

Move to Florida. Give two weeks notice at your job (don't want to burn any bridges), and sell your house. Sell everything you own on Ebay, and just go. Just don't bring your bike. Sell that too. Florida for some odd reason has four of the top five cities for killing bike riders. Wonder why.

After you've moved (it's cheap living by the way so you can afford it), find out where Jeb plays golf. With all that money you made on Ebay, get a membership there. Get all your friends to get memberships.

Learn to caddy. Caddy for your friends. Have all your friends boast really loudly of how good of a caddy you are. Eventually, word would get around to Jeb that you're the best caddy in the whole !@#$%^& club and he'll approach you to be his caddy. There you go.

So, when the Democrats flounder in 2012 and Jeb becomes President, he'll need a cabinet. Guess who he picks as Secretary of State? That's right. You. After all, you were his caddy. What other qualifications does a Secretary of State need?

27 Comments:

Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Harriet Miers might not have any qualifications as a judge but she knows her way around a courtroom. I think people are not recognizing her achievements.
I'm surprised women liberals are underwriting her as well. She was the first woman to make partner at a huge lawfirm in Texas. That's no small feat.
She was the first woman to be the president of the Dallas Bar Assc.
this is what I heard on talk radio and then I looked up her bio on Google.
She's quite accomplished and intelligent. I like that in 1996, she won an award from the Anti-Defamation League. I like what the League stands for:
Its ultimate purpose is to secure justice and fair treatment to all citizens alike and to put an end forever to unjust and unfair discrimination against and ridicule of any sect or body of citizens.

Frankly, I'm not surprised people are jumping all over this. I'm not saying this is true for you, Zombie--but I think people pick up the scent of the spirit of rebellion and run with it.

10/06/2005 11:12 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Sadie - I actually liked Roberts and was very proud our President picked Roberts. But what it all comes down to is Miers never served a day on the bench. Sure she has qualifications as a lawyer, but it's not the same thing.

The Supreme Court justices are the nine most powerful judges in the country, and likewise should all be experienced.

Thanks for the bio though. Of course I'm writing satire when comparing her to a caddy, but a Supreme Court Justice who never judged?

10/06/2005 12:14 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

No can do. First, I'd have to take a crash course in golf.
Second, no Florida for me! I don't trust anyplace whose swamps don't freeze over in the winter. Too many gators and poisonous snakes!

10/06/2005 12:36 PM  
Blogger snavy said...

Zombie - can't you be president?? I think its a good idea - I'll vote for you!!

10/06/2005 12:41 PM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

I'm a little late on this one, but there's a pretty good Pho restaurant in St Louis called Pho Grand. Quite good.

10/06/2005 1:15 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - You don't really have to know golf that well. You just have to be able to carry that bag around with the clubs and every once in awhile suggest a golf club to use. And of course encourage them when they get upset.

But yes, swamps suck.

Snavylyn - I got too many skeletons in the closet for me to be in that high of office. I will be running for Congress though within the next ten years. Haven't decided which party.

ZL - St. Louis? Went there almost thirty years ago, but wonder if I'll ever go back. Grandma lives in Florida now, so got no relatives there. :(

Fun place to go as a kid though. We used to play hide and seek and catch fireflies.

10/06/2005 1:35 PM  
Blogger Levi Nunnink said...

I agree on Roberts. Everyone on both sides of the isle was just singing his praises. His hearing was a gush-fesh with senators saying stuff like "I've never had the privilage of addressing such a bright young legal mind."

I don't know about Miers. There's so much stuff being thrown around that it's hard to get a clear picture.

10/06/2005 3:12 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Don't know much about Myers, but I had an attorney once who was really good - maybe if another one of the Supremes kicks it or leaves...

Since you're obviously going to do the caddy thing, I'm going to start cutting lawns. That should be good for Department of Labor or something.

Or maybe house painting. When he sees how good I can whitewash, I'll surely get to be White House press secretary.

This is exciting...a new career in politics and a couple years in Florida. Excellent thinking ZS!

10/06/2005 4:23 PM  
Blogger Joe said...

I for one think that regardless of Harriet's qualifications, Bush's backing does nothing for her credibility. His administration is the epitome of cronyism.
Furthermore, everything Bush touches turns to shit. He seems to me to be the exact opposite of King Midas.

Hey that's just my bias.

10/06/2005 5:05 PM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Hey ZS have you seen Harriet Mier's Blog? Someone took a lot of time in it, and it's quite funny.

10/06/2005 5:34 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Go for the house painting, Shawn. Gators can't climb ladders!

ZS, I think I'll wait until you and Shawn are in a position of power and THEN you two can appoint ME to something. Extended cronyism!

I'd LOVE to straighten out FEMA, but I don't raise horses.

10/06/2005 5:36 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - That's too funny. Gators won't attack Shawn though. He doesn't look like a poodle enough.

Bsoholic - How do you find these things? You and Thom are hilarious. :)

Joe - I think Bush got Roberts right, but Miers reeks with cronyism. She's never been a judge, which is really, really bad. I realize now that she was a good lawyer, but big difference.

I've known a few judges in my days. I respected them so much more than the lawyers I've known. I know those are my prejudices, but those are my experiences.

Shawn - No, seriously, go ahead and be the caddy. My wife was going to cut his hair, then kind of mention she has a husband that's half-way smart. I'll be Secretary of the Interior as husband of Jeb's barber. I already have it planned out.

Levi - One thing I really respect about both you and Sadie is that you're both very level-headed. Neither of you go nuts when someone disagrees with you and you're both hard to offend. That's a sign of strengh and inner confidence.

I won't at all claim to be the resident expert in Miers, and I'm making an opinion on what I know so far. What I do know is that Roberts was very well qualified and has my utmost respect. I especially respect his understanding and love of the Constitution.

Miers has never been a judge. She was Bush's personal lawyer years ago. Miers hasn't been drilled as much as Roberts, so I still have time to change my opinion on her. However, so far, this reeks of cronyism, and really gets me upset. I'm hoping to be proven wrong in the next week or two. We will see.

10/06/2005 5:46 PM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Bsoholic - How do you find these things? Way too much time on my hands friend, waaay to much time...

10/06/2005 6:37 PM  
Blogger Miranda said...

Ouch. My tummy hurts from laughing so hard. Thanks, Slayer!

I agree with you on the Miers issue:

I was pleasantly surprised when Bush picked Roberts. I am not so pleased with Miers. Rumor has it she is a conservative, but she lacks what is probably more important, and that is what one of my professors calls "legal brilliance."

The founding fathers were some of the most brilliant minds in American history, and to interpret the words of brilliant men, one sometimes has to be brilliant oneself.

Republicans have historically picked mediocre justices, and mediocre justices (O'Connor, Souter, Kennedy) tend to be
the worst sort. I'd prefer a thinking liberal, as long as that
liberal had a soul.

10/06/2005 9:01 PM  
Blogger Raemius said...

I think Jeb will win in 2008, the economy was shit in 2004 and the dems didn't have a chance. Either way, it doesn't make a difference in the two party system.

Do you know we have a Pho restaurant on every corner in Calgary. It's great!

10/07/2005 2:20 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Levi - One thing I really respect about both you and Sadie is that you're both very level-headed. Neither of you go nuts when someone disagrees with you and you're both hard to offend. That's a sign of strengh and inner confidence.

That's a very nice compliment Zombie, thank you.
I've learned to put on a thicker skin when arguing politics and religion; especially online. The thing is: The people you're arguing with are probably really swell people that I wouldn't mind having over for dinner, ya know?

10/07/2005 8:32 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

I can imagine that I would nominate someone who is intelligent for a post that is not necessarily something the person had experience with. Sometimes when I recommend people for programming postions I base my opinion on their capability and determination when solving problems, and not solely on whether or not they know the programming language. I want to work with people of a certain meddle.

10/07/2005 8:47 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Scott - Understand, but she has no judicial history to judge her from. We're pretty much taking Bush's word for it. It's like if someone handed you a blank resume and said "this guy's good. Hire him."

Sadie - Yeah, that's the thing people don't realize. There's someone on the other side of those comments, a human being, and usually one with more in common with you than you realize.

Raemius - Calgary will have to be on my places to visit list. I've only been to Vancouver. Loved it.

Miranda - Ah, found someone who appreciates old school satire. :)

I'll have to check out your Professor's blog. That's too cool.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to Roberts in there. But as I told Scott, Miers is like a job applicant with a blank resume and a reference.

Bsoholic - Uh oh. Now I got that Styx song going through my head. :p

10/07/2005 10:02 AM  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

ZS, now that I have gotten up off the floor and quit wheezing, I gotta tell you, that's one of the funniest blog posts I've read in a while.

Question, can I REALLY tell Jeb where to put that 4 Iron?

10/07/2005 11:28 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

GWB - Not if you want to be Sec of State. ;)

10/07/2005 11:41 AM  
Blogger Bo Salisbury said...

Ironclad logic... what more could be added?

Except that I was pulling for Janice Rogers Brown and the Miers pick was a real disappointment. I'm not a patient person and I would have rather seen a full blown war over the issue of judicial nominations and advise/consent... get this thing settled once and for all.

10/07/2005 8:11 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bo - I think I like Brown too:

"Private property, already an endangered species in California, is now entirely extinct in San Francisco," she observed. The City had become a "neo-feudal regime." She reprimanded fellow jurists who automatically give a pass to confiscatory land-use restrictions. "Once again a majority of this court has proved that 'if enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it.' But theft is theft. Theft is theft even when the government approves of the thievery."

Looks like she'll be on my side of Kelo vs New London. :)

People v. McKay involved a police officer who pulled over a bicyclist who was riding against traffic. When the rider failed to produce a driver's license or other identification, the officer arrested him and searched him. Justice Brown noted that it is not illegal to ride a bicycle without identification, and riding the wrong way on a bike is "such a minor offense that it hardly seems worth the officer's time to issue a citation."

Wonderful. :)

I'm getting this from an article written by Harold Johnson and Timothy Sandefur, two attorneys.

Not only that, Brown has 9 years experience on the CA Supreme Court. Miers has zero experience as a judge anywhere.

10/07/2005 9:25 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

That was exquisite sarcasm....nicely done, ZS!!I'm with snavylyn...run for office. you'd be a shoe-in.

10/07/2005 10:04 PM  
Blogger dusty said...

IF Miers gets the Job i am gonna be so pissed..there are a number of female jurists that would be far more qualified than Ozzie's wife..oh wait..this Harriett has never married..

My only hope is that she turns out to be just like O'Connor and that would piss off dem religious zealots quite a bit methinks :)

10/08/2005 7:35 AM  
Blogger Ben said...

Jeb will not be prez then ZS, Rudy will be on his second term, I want them to bring back Powell.

10/08/2005 8:50 AM  
Blogger Miranda said...

Slayer:
*laugh* My dad's a history professor. I could never have
survived my childhood without
an appreciation for "old school" satire.

I also like Brown, but I suspect because of her clearly stated position on certain heated issues, she'd be a harder confirmation than Roberts. But I think it's
a battle that her supporters could
win and that it would be worth fighting.

10/09/2005 10:30 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Miranda - I first heard about Brown from Bo. From what I read, I like her. Cool about your father. I got my degree in it and love history.

Ben - Rudy can't lose. I don't know much about him, other than he came out a hero after 9/11, which will be enough to win it all. America needs more heroes.

Dusty - Miers scares me because we know nothing about her. She could be anything from the Far Left to the Far Right and we don't know because she has no judicial history to look at. Roberts on the other hand has a long history and we know he has an excellent handle on the Constitution. The best piece I saw written on him was by an Oregon Democrat.

Bridget - Thanks. Can't run for Senate or higher, got too many skeletons in the closet. But I definitely will be running for Congress within the next 10 years.

10/10/2005 10:17 AM  

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