Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Hot English Babe - Keira Knightley + Bonus

It is a big myth that men are crazy about women with big hoo hoos. Sure they grab your attention, but will they hold it? Anna Nicole Smith opened her mouth once and I'll never look at her the same way. And Keira Knightley is pretty much flat chested, yet which guy in the right mind isn't crazy about her?

I first saw her in one of my favorite movies of recent, Pirates of the Caribbean. Youza! Elizabeth Swann. Will Turner, no wonder you spent your entire life making swords. Anything to keep your mind off Miss Swann, right?

I love Captain Jack Sparrow's line about there being a girl, but poor Will not having the skill to woo her. Well, trust me, had I been in Will Turner's shoes, lower class or not, Elizabeth Swann would have been Elizabeth Zombieslayer faster than you can say "Parley" five times.

In a few more weeks, I will be able to drink alcohol again. And when I do, I'll raise my Piña Colada with Caribbean rum to you Ms Knightley, for you have already agreed to two more Pirate of the Caribbean movies - one more as Elizabeth Swann, and one as Elizabeth Turner.

Oh, you noticed that too. You're wondering where I found that out? I'm good.



One more thing, in honor of Cultureshocked (if he ever comes out of retirement), an English joke to accompany said country's hot babe. You want to hear a bad English joke?

English cuisine.

Bonus

An update about Scary Chinese Lady. Turns out she's actually Vietnamese, sold that place, moved back to Vietnam for a bit, and bought another place. One of my co-workers lives by the new place she works. He went in there with a huge to-go order and an American Express card. She had not one, but two American Express signs on the door.

So he goes in there to pick up his order:
Scary Chinese Lady: No American Express
Dude: Well, you have a sign on the door-
Scary Chinese Lady: No American Express
Dude: Fine (gets up and leaves the order without paying for it)

A few weeks later, his wife goes into the restaurant to get some Pho.
Scary Chinese Lady: Where your husband?
Dude's wife: At work
Scary Chinese Lady: Why your husband no come back here?

I just thought that was hilarious.

29 Comments:

Blogger snavy said...

I agree, Keira Knightley is absolututely beautiful & she can act - what a combo!

Zombie curse upon scary chinese lady!

10/12/2005 9:29 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

NO!!
She is NOT a babe! She has stolen Winnona Ryder's good looks and calls them her own and she has the most ghastly mouth known to the woman kingdom! It's almost as bad as Julia Robert's mouth (who wins the crown for THE worst mouth). Bad call Zombie. Have you seen her in Love Actually or Bend it Like Beckham? An ugly mouth does not fare well with me.

10/12/2005 9:31 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Sadie - Noooooo! Julia Roberts? Yuck. I don't see Julia's mouth at all on Ms Knightley. I'm still debating with myself who is more hideous, Julia Roberts or Sarah Jessica Parker.

I've only seen her in Pirates of the Caribbean though. And yes, she reminds me of Winona Ryder, who I still like very much, although I won't whip out the silver silverware when she's around.

Snavylyn - I think Scary Chinese Lady is scaring away her customers, especially now that she has competition.

Although I've only seen Ms Knightly in Pirates, she did a fine job. And she was so cute.

10/12/2005 9:54 AM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

Damn, beat me to it again!!!!!

And cannot agree more with the scary Julia Roberts/Sarah Jessica Parker thing. Those two are...gross. Add Julianne Moore to that mix... yuck.

Check out "Butterfly Effect" for Ms. Knightley in the buff...

10/12/2005 10:04 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

she was very good in Bend it Like Beckham as well. That's a surprisingly good movie imho. A bit predictable, but interesting.

I think she's interesting looking, but I agree with Sadie - she looks like a Wino wannabe (that's a reference to Johnny Depp's tattoo btw... Wino-- Forever)

10/12/2005 11:27 AM  
Blogger exMI said...

Keira IS a babe. No doubt what so ever....
(although that is not the best pic of her ever taken...)

10/12/2005 11:33 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Exmi - I realize some people are still on dial-up (as we are), so I try to only post pics under 50kb. That limits a lot of choice.

Laura - Nothing wrong with imitation if the thing you are imitating is good and they do a good job at it. Funny about Depp's tattoo. I don't know why celebs even bother. They know celeb love never lasts.

ZL - Dang, I was about to say you can have Julianne Moore, but you don't want her either. :p

I need to re-watch Butterfly Effect then. I got up a few times to grab food/beer and missed that scene. :(

10/12/2005 11:55 AM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Zombie--
seriously check her mouth when she's talking. Don't look at anything else. She bares her gums when she talks. Her lips spread thin and get tight and her teeth protrude. Just take a gander--for me.
As for the comments about Moore, for as unappealing as men say she is--she sure takes her clothes off a lot.

10/12/2005 12:44 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Yeah, where do you hear this stuff?
I'm not a real big Johnny Dep fan, but I can't wait for the next Pirates movie.
I loved Butterfly Effect, but didn't realize it was the same girl. I guess I was just interested in the plot. That must be how I missed the nude scene too.

10/12/2005 2:18 PM  
Blogger FantasticAlice said...

Now is she the one playing Domino in the movie well, er, Domino?

Your bonus sounds like something off Mad TV.

10/12/2005 2:21 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Alice - Yes, that's her.

As for MadTV, is that still on? I haven't watched it since the first season, which was really good.

Tshsmom - I think Zombie Lama's brain has decomposed too much. Here's the cast for Butterfly Effect and she's not in there.

As for where I hear this stuff, it's all on IMDB.

Sadie - Never seen Moore nekkid. Maybe I watch the wrong movies. Or actually in her case, maybe I watch the right movies. ;)

Okay, I'll watch Keira's mouth more closely. I don't think they have dentists in England though. Look at Austin Powers for example.

10/12/2005 3:11 PM  
Blogger Thomcat said...

every time i hear mention of scary chinese lady, i hear that lady from 'dude where's my career , er car' ... "and then ?" "no and then" "and then? " " you see , i'm done" ....


"and then ?"

10/12/2005 3:49 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Thom - Run this in a Unix terminal (change all []'s to greater than and less thans, blogger won't accept them because it sees them as HTML tags):

#!/usr/bin/perl

print "What do you want? ";
chomp($want=[STDIN]);

for($i=0; $i[1000; $i++) {
print "And then? ";
chomp($want=[STDIN]);
}


We'll see who's geeky enough to know what that does. And yes, you Mac folks, that will work on a Mac running OS X (which is Unix).

10/12/2005 4:26 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Check out "Butterfly Effect" for Ms. Knightley in the buff...


That was Amy Smart, right? My husband and I pulled that movie out. I didn't like it. I was offended from the very beginning. Trashy, trashy movie.

10/12/2005 4:45 PM  
Blogger Moni said...

I have to agree with sadie lou on this one, she does look like Winnona Ryder. But I think she's going to be a major star in a few years. The Mediocre Moni has spoken. ;)

10/12/2005 4:50 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Moni - The Pirates of the Caribbean movies will make her a huge star. The first one was a major success and she's already signed for two more.

Sadie - I thought it was okay for what it was. Neat concept. I liked the premise - that if you try to go back and fix the past, something else will get broken. It's good for people who are stuck in the past, who always daydream about how things could have been if they did it another way.

I don't know who the actress was. None of the characters really were memorable. I just liked the idea.

10/12/2005 6:13 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

I liked Pirates of the Caribbean. Kiera Knightly is so-so for me. /shrug

To each his/her own. :-)

10/12/2005 6:31 PM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

Damn, I meant "The Jacket". I always get those 2 confused. Sorry 'bout that!

10/12/2005 8:31 PM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10/12/2005 8:31 PM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

Oh, btw, cute script... ;o)

Favorite scene out of that whole movie!

10/12/2005 8:44 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

That is a riot. Agree re Keira Knightly...wow.

10/12/2005 9:47 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

WOW! She's gorgeous. I know she tends to be a favorite amongst the men. I can totally see why.

And I don't like big boobies. There are very few women I think pull them off.


I met a scary Asian lady once. In Phoenix. At the mall.

Asian: Whakin rie you wan?
Me: I'm sorry
Asian: Whakin RIE you wan?
Me: I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
Asian: WHAT KINE RIE YOU WAN!?!?
Me: (scared) Fried.

Asian: (to my date) Whakin rie you wan?
Date: What?
Me: FRIED! HE WANTS FRIED!

10/13/2005 3:46 AM  
Blogger The Wedding Party said...

that chick looks like a slutty natalie portman.

10/13/2005 6:01 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Wedding - Natalie Portman? Hmm...
I think closer to Winona Rider, but I can kind of see a little Natalie. But yes, no one in Hollywood today is as classy as Ms Portman.

Jenn - Looks like your Scary Asian Lady needs Notta the Speech Therapist to save the day.

As for big boobies, they sometimes detract because attention gets drawn away from their personalities (which I guess in some cases is a good thing).

Bridget - Ah ha. A thumbs up for poor Ms Knightley.

ZL - The Jacket I will have to watch.

Notta - Oh well. Anyways, looks like your talents are needed. Jenn met her Scary Asian Lady who can't say S's.

10/13/2005 9:11 AM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

ZS - I've done accent reduction therapy before - it's the most boring therapy I've ever done. :-/ I'll even take stuttering therapy (which is not my forte) over accent reduction. The only perk, or so I've heard, is that you can make some serious cash with accent reduction therapy. :-P

10/13/2005 4:31 PM  
Blogger BrownsvilleGirl said...

How can you trash Sarah Jessica Parker? I love her! Not only does she have awesome hair, but she's extremely intellegent and she has a kid. Besides, I admire the fact that you can tell she's aging. Who wants another Cher in Hollywood? Also, cause she's married to a really smart guy too, and the fact that she's not strikingly beautiful, well...to quote a Jewish friend, "look--we were bred for intelligence!" (He was saying that the Jewish girls in his class aren't the prettiest...)

:)

10/13/2005 8:58 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Brownsvillegirl - Sorry, but she has a face like a horse. It gives me nightmares.

I'll admit she does have pretty hair. I'll give her that.

Speaking of Jewish girls, I've known some hot ones in my days, including an absolute babe who modeled for me almost a decade ago. What about Natalie Portman? She's soooo pretty, and classy as well. Winona Ryder? She's also an exceptionally pretty girl, who's of Jewish decent.

Sometimes, one just has to rip on celebs. When they make millions every year to look pretty, they better look pretty. It's just like a Wide Receiver who makes $5 million a year. He better catch that pass.

Notta - A consultant who "teaches" an accent makes the big scrilla as well. I could see accent reduction as being dry. I think my kid speech therapist though had a good time, or at least he seemed like he liked his work. He saved a lot of us from future humiliation.

10/14/2005 8:55 AM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Nope she doesn't really do anything for me, but I totally agree with ya Zombster about the whole looks vs. personality thing.

Many a hot, large asset having babe has ruined it all by speaking.

Funny - Ben O.

Word Id - chuvs = also called "the chuvs" . . . what you call it when you cannot stop farting at the grocery store.

10/15/2005 9:45 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Ben - the chuvs, huh? Learn something every day.

10/17/2005 6:45 PM  

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