Thursday, July 14, 2005

That spider had more than one hit point

Last night, I was minding my own business, playing a game on the computer when one of those spiders with the big bodies popped out and wiggled his little tongue at me. Ha, mock me spider, time for you to die.

I wouldn't be so adamant about killing spiders had not Mrs. Zombieslayer been allergic to spider bites. Therefore, any spider making it inside the house gets a death sentence.

So I quickly grabbed something to kill it with and lo and behold, he went onto our mattress. Now that gets me mad. I can't exactly just swat it because he'd leave behind his guts and guess who would have to clean it up? So I tried to grab it.

Ha ha. Caught him. Now to throw his carcass out. Huh? The spider's now
crawling on my arm. Stupid spider.

Out of reflex, I shook my arm and the spider fell off into Mrs. Zombieslayer's books then quickly went behind the bookshelf. He got away.

This morning, I bet he's having a beer with his stupid spider friends, bragging that he escaped from the Zombieslayer. Well, brag all you want, buddy. You better be living it up for you're in the jungle now, baby, and you're gonna die.

Oh, by the way, thanks all for your kind words, prayers, support, and offers of help. I got a job. And Mrs. Zombieslayer's thinking of going back to school as a cosmotologist.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad to hear that you have a justifiable reason for killing them. Maybe I need to develop and allergy to all bugs, so I won't feel guilty getting rid of them the easy way! I can't believe it crawled on your arm. (Shudder) So gross.

7/14/2005 10:29 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

Congratulations on the job! I'll stomp a spider in your honor next chance I get.

7/14/2005 10:51 AM  
Anonymous Michele said...

Good to hear you're employed again, ZS. You don't seem the type we want out on the streets too long. Tell Mrs. Z. that I try to talk my daughter's (Levi's little sisters) into cutting hair all the time. It's a great way to make a living. You can work from home, or in any town. People always get their hair cut. Pretty good money.
Did you see in the news yesterday that the average person swallows like, I think, 8 spiders in their sleep during their lifetime?

7/14/2005 11:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Michele, that's actually not true! Check out

7/14/2005 12:05 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Along with my crippling fear of sharks is my crippling fear of spiders.
Dan kills all the spiders for me when he's home (I shoo the bees out of the house in exchange) and when he's not home, my 8 year old son has been trained well in the art of ridding the home of spiders without freaking mommy out too much.
The worst spiders: The Big Ugly Ones That Make Faces At You or Move When You Go To Squash Them.

Spiders are evil and of the devil.

Congrats on the job situation looking up.

7/14/2005 12:21 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Thanks all.

Yeah, spiders are evil. Certain animals are good like dolphins but spiders, fleas, and ticks are definitely in league with Satan.

7/14/2005 12:32 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Spiders eat bugs. I agree that they belong outside as I HATE cleaning up webs in the house!

7/14/2005 1:07 PM  
Blogger Slade said...

I kill any bug in my house EXCEPT spiders...they eat the misquitos...YAY! You got a job! So so glad!

7/14/2005 1:31 PM  
Blogger savage said...

I saw your new icon.
Thought you were going to IGNORE this guy?

I guess making him into a zombie and putting the cross-hairs on him is the next best thing to ignoring him.

When's the BBQ, ZS? Mrs. Savage (ha!) likes you guys' barbeques.

7/14/2005 1:32 PM  
Blogger savage said...

at which
you can tell me about this new job
(and one of our air conditioners doesn't work)

7/14/2005 1:35 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Savage - I'll have one this weekend. I'll give you a call.

Slade and Tshsmom - yeah, I'm aware of that. Kind of a dilemna. They kill bad bugs, but Mrs. Zombieslayer's allergic to them. So because of the latter, the ones outside the house are fine. The ones who make it inside the house get sentenced to death.

7/14/2005 1:44 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...


WAY to go ZS, you da MAN!! Congrats!!!

Go get that spider...I'll stomp one for you too. Usually I catch them and throw them out unless they land on my face when I"m watching TV..but allergies are nothing to fool with.

Go get 'em!!


p.s. Zomb, the other thing in league with Satan--bosses (well most of them tee hee hee)!!

7/14/2005 3:27 PM  
Blogger Kunaxa said...

409 formula cleaner?

Everyone, behold The SPIDERSLAYER.

congrats on the job.

7/14/2005 5:51 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

Z- email me at

7/14/2005 5:59 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

p.s. Almost forgot, very cute story. God I hate a damn spider. DEATH to ALL spiders! I think every spider I see is a brown recluse or a black widow.

7/14/2005 6:00 PM  
Blogger 'Thought & Humor' said...

We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.

Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose. A
time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.

Best wishes for continued ascendancy,

P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."

'Thought & Humor' by Howdy
Cyber-Humor, Cyber-Thought
Cyber-Riddles for your divertissement!!!

7/14/2005 6:30 PM  
Blogger digitalcowgirl said...

I have spiders in my bathtub EVERY morning. Are you for hire? just kidding. I enjoy the site!

7/14/2005 9:38 PM  
Blogger Laurie said...

Congrats on the job, ZS!

And I agree with you and the Mrs. on spiders. The only good spiders are the dead ones. I'm allergice, too, but besides that, they are the only creatures that make me yelp when I see them, that make my heart palpatate and panic rise in my body. I hate them. Really. I. Hate. Them.

7/14/2005 10:32 PM  
Blogger dave said...

haha! i like your spider picture, zombie. i can't wait until you move back down. we'll go hunting evil bugs together.

7/15/2005 12:38 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Haha, this post was too cute!

So here's my recent encounter with the spider we'll call Hairy.

I'm sitting on the floor at the coffee table making birthday cards for my mom with my son when suddenly I feel something in my hair. I thought it was just hair falling out of the clip I had in it, so I just shake my head. Then I feel something on my cheek. I STILL think it's my hair. Then the little bastard was crawling on my arm. I tried not to jump so to not scare my son. I look down and there he goes running under the couch. I tried squashing him with the leg of my son's little chair, but to no avail.

He is a pervert and he violated me. He shall pay. He is now in my jungle.

I wish you luck on your mission. We shall prevail!

7/15/2005 1:25 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Good to hear about the job!

That's a funny story. I hate spiders in my house. It's one thing if they hang out on the porch or in the basement, but sorry buddy - not in my closet.

Love the new Zombie.

7/15/2005 6:36 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Whoops, didn't finish...

My friend Sean is so afraid of spiders he can't even watch them on TV. His version of Hell:

Flying spiders.

I have to agree with him on that one.

7/15/2005 6:39 AM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

I freak when presented with a spider. It's an irrational fear, I know, but I can't help it.

7/15/2005 6:41 AM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Congratulations on your new job! I'm glad to hear things are looking up. :-)

7/15/2005 8:24 AM  

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