Roles
I know it's not politically correct to even mention that spouses have separate roles. That's how silly we have become as a society. Hate to break it to the P.C. types out there, but Mrs. Zombieslayer and I have separate roles.
We're good at different things. I can't make a bed to save my life. It always looks like crap. I'm completely unorganized as well and if I were to clean up a room, things you needed from the room will be forever lost. I'd forget where I had stuck them. Luckily for me, I found a woman who knows how to do all these things.
Mrs. Zombieslayer used to do 100% of the cleaning while I worked to pay 100% of the bills. After my job got sent to India, she had to go back to work. We hate it this way. Now that she had to take part of my role as breadwinner, I had to take part of her role as the one who does the cleaning. Now I do 100% of the dishes as well as take care of the entire kitchen. I've always done the cooking, even when I was the only one who worked. I'm the one with culinary talent between the two of us. Before she met me, she used to eat microwave dinners.
She also takes care of paying and mailing out the bills. We've decided that if I actually find a job that pays so she doesn't have to work anymore, that she'd still retain this role. She has a neat little organizer that tells when all the bills are due and she mails them out about five days before the due date. A most excellent system. My system was more like "Oh Sh*t! This bill's late. I better mail it out."
Do any of you have set roles? I'd be most curious to hear them.
posted by The Zombieslayer @ 9:15 AM
14 Comments:
Cool post. Dan is our prize breadwinner. He works full time, has a great job with a reputable company and if we ever need extra money, Dan works overtime. My jobs, primarily, are the kids and the house. I do most, if not all, of the household chores. I've been able to slack of a little lately due to being pregnant. Dan helps me out a lot.
I'm also in charge of the finances and the bills. Dan doesn't have time to manage our budget or pay bills so it doesn't make sense for him to be in charge of the money, even though he makes it.
I actually don't mind chores. I've learned to take pride in it.
Actually it's really only Western society that seems to have a 'problem' with set gender roles. Many non-western feminists accept and embrace separate roles for men and women. I'd say John and I have somewhat separate roles, though we do share in a lot of tasks too. Then again, we don't have children (and don't plan to) so that makes our situation a little less demanding than other couples who have kids. Different roles are only a bad thing if less respect and dignity is paid to certain roles. In our society, women's roles ARE less valued since we value paid work and consumerism. Household/family work is not valued in America and it's a shame. It's not that women are less valued, it's the typical "womanly work" - Even men who take on more home duties are often looked down upon as not 'real' men. If the roles are valued equally and one group is not subjugated by another, I see no problem there.
My husband and I actually discussed this topic BEFORE we got married. The discussion started when he said he wanted me to handle the money after we got married. I was soooo relieved, as my husband would spend all his money before it hit his pocket. The rest of this conversation involved the belief that we're partners and we would each handle what we're good at.
This has evolved into me handling the finances, 90% of the cooking, laundry, and all of the organization(Men are rarely good at this. Don't feel bad guys, we're just wired different)
My husband mows, snowblows, makes the bed, hauls recycling, repairs appliances, and keeps the computer running. We each have rooms that we're responsible for keeping clean. My husband cleans the bathroom because he's the one that pees on the floor. I clean the kitchen so I can find everything.
The way our talents have evolved is a little weird. I plan carpentry projects and my husband carries them out. I'm better with the table saw, but I'm hopeless with a circular saw. I do the rototilling because my husband just doesn't understand dirt. My husband is a genius with plumbing.
This doesn't mean that we don't occassionally fight over who's doing more. I think all couples have this fight.
I've always earned quite a bit more, and when my wife got pregnant with our second kid she got her long-stated wish to stay at home. Now she makes a fairly small amount running day care out of our house but is very happy with her role. As I said earlier in my blog I've contemplated taking on the same role while cranking up the earnings. But yeah, it works out fairly well.
Dusty - Thanks. That was embarassing. I'm usually a pretty good speller.
Everyone else - I was surprised that it's not just us then.
Whoops, now I go and spell embarrassing with one R.
No wifey here, so no roles either. However, I DO need someone to help me with Bills, Mail, etc. I have got to be THE WORST person in America about that stuff. I'm one of those people who "doesn't open their mail." I know it's terrible.
I absolutely HATE checking my mailbox, I NEVER open any of my bills or bank statements or anything (unless the color of the envelope is different, which usually means they're about to cut me off ... then I check it and pay several months' balance at once).
Was married, he played the role of overbearing, egotistical, dream-crushing, life sucking, soul-stealing, a-hole. I played the normal person. Am I bitter?....nah. lol!
My husband and I have a pretty unorthodox system. He does all of the cooking some of the cleaning. My job pays the bills and I do the laundry and the rest of the cleaning. He's more of a details guy and I focus on the big picture. When the kids come, he'll stay home wih them while I keep working.
welcome to the wonderful world of outsourcing, my dad is a victim of it too.
Bones makes the money and takes out the trash (occasionally...after I've bitched about it 2 or 3 times). I do everything else.
My husband is the cook...we split the laundry-sometimes I do it and sometimes he does it. We share the dishwashing...I always clean the cat litter box. I mean, sure, every couple has their roles in the duties, but I think what bothers me sometimes is that a lot of people ascribe certain roles to certain genders...I don't want to be limited to a lean-clean baby-making machine, that's all
My b/f and I are moving in together soon and we've discussed this. I'm a single parent at the moment and I don't need someone to take care of, I need a partner. How that looks for both of us (because we both have full time jobs) is that we are both responsible also for taking care of chores/cooking. We both have a hand in the finances because I will never give up ownership of that again. In my last relationship, I turned over finances and now my credit is screwed up. :-/ I don't mind roles that are defined - I think that when there is a case of having kids or one person staying home and the other working, each person should know what their role is so that their partner does not get upset and resentful as a result of not knowing what their partner is doing all day long (and consequently feeling like they are working their ass off while the other person is not). /shrug - just my two cents. :-)
Me and my wife definately have different roles.
I bring in the money, do household chores that require an extra bit 'o strength.
In return my wife does just about everything else: Bills, cooking, the lion's share of child-rearing and being an amazingly nice person.
Looking at it now, it seems like I'm not pulling my weight...
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