Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Which fictional character would you want on your side in the war against zombies?

I love Ash in the Evil Dead/Army of Darkness trilogy. He's smart, witty, thinks on his feet, but a little too full of himself. He did forget the words though and that caused the undead to reign down on the
castle, so now that I think about it, would I really want Ash to help me fight zombies in real life? Probably not. He'd probably hit on Mrs. Zombieslayer too.

I imagine Arnie Schwartzwasher has B.O. His character in Terminator II though would be cool to have. You could program a Terminator not to stink. Wouldn't you like to have your own terminator? That would rule. It would rule even before the upcoming zombie plague.

"Hey Terminator, get me another beer. This one's warm."

"Hey Terminator, fix my transmission."

"Hey Terminator, keep an eye on my lawn. Next dog you see who goes poo poo on it, find out who the dog's owner is and beat his ass."

You also won't have to worry about your Terminator getting infected because he has no brain. The actor who plays the Terminator has no brains either. Wonder how he ever got elected Governor. But that's besides the point.

Now, about fictional characters from books. Let's see. Problem is, most books I read don't have characters who could fight zombies any better than I can. So I'd have to pick someone that could at least make the siege interesting. I'd have to pick Fred and George Weasley from the Harry Potter books because every scene they're in, they're doing something funny. I love J.K. Rowling. She could really write.

Or Aslan from the Narnia books. He'd just pounce on the zombies. He probably won't crush their skulls though, so they'd still be alive, but picking them off would be easy once they're all so badly mangled. Wouldn't it be fun to ride on the back of Aslan with a trusty bolt action deer rifle, picking off zombies? That would almost be as fun as...
Alright, I won't describe my fantasies with certain hot Italian actresses.

What about you? Which fictional character would you want on your side in the fight against the zombies? It could be from book or film. Or one of each. Or whatever. Let's hear it.


Blogger Sadie Lou said...

That's easy: Roland the Gunslinger from the Dark Tower series by Stephen King. He's so wickedly awesome with a gun...I'd have nothing to fear.

5/24/2005 6:36 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Not Flagg? ;-)

Hm, that's a toughie. Maybe Nigel from Dead Alive - he's bad-ass with a lawnmower...

5/24/2005 11:24 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Brainfart: Lionel, not Nigel.

5/24/2005 12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sadie's right. Roland get's the prize for bodyguard types. (Unless you don't fit into his Dark Tower quest) Cal Woodrow of Lonesome Dove is next choice. He's very studly, but not invincible, as we learn in Comanche Moon. I'd also be delighted to see Gandalf if I was in a fix. The 3 of them together would be beyond safe-feeling.
My husband Tim is the sort of guy you feel safe with. I always tell my daughters to look for someone like that. Not the rock-star types, who'd lamely raise their skinny arms if attacked, saying "whoa man, cut it out."

5/24/2005 1:28 PM  
Anonymous dave said...

i would have to go with hong kong phooey because he's a janitor by day and a super crime fighter by night. and we all know that zombies only come out at night. so hong kong phooey could clean the toilets in the anti-zombie compound during the afternoon. then at sunset, he could bust some kung-fu on the zombie horde. but his sidekick, spot, isn't allowed because he's a cat.

5/24/2005 2:12 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

All right Dave. If you're going to bring up cartoons, I want Thundarr the Barbarian, Ariel, and Oogla the Mock. That would be one mean, lean zombie-slaying team.
As an added bonus, Ariel's kind of hot.

5/24/2005 2:33 PM  
Blogger Kunaxa said...

I can pick two?

My first choice would be 'Nightcrawler' from X2 ... well this one is pretty straight forward, who wouldn't want a 'free' teleport trip somewhere tropical while the zombies are planting their seed of destruction?

My second is the two ferrets from 'BEASTMASTER' (both count as one character?) ... those rats ALWAYS save the day somehow.

5/24/2005 2:44 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

CultureShocked - If you could ride on Nightcrawler's back like you could on Aslan's, that would be a great idea.
As for Beastmaster, that's awesome you watch those cheesy movies too. People who like cheese are always welcome here. :)

5/24/2005 3:21 PM  
Blogger Kunaxa said...

Well I wasn't gonna "admit" to watching those cheesy movies, but if it gets me into the compound ... oh, Alright.

5/24/2005 3:34 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

I pick Indiana Jones, he thinks things through.
Don't feel bad about your governor; we had Jesse Ventura!
Thanks for the invite to your compound, but could I start a northern compound here? Once the zombies get up to force, it'd take me too long to get over the mountains to your compound.

5/24/2005 3:43 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Indiana Jones would be all right. We'd have to equip him with something more than a pistol and a whip though.
Remember, when the zombies come, the only use for a pistol is to get you to your rifle or shotgun.
With the whip? Zombies aren't exactly into bondage, so that won't do any good. But you're right, he keeps his head.

As for California, the minute I see a suspicious news report, I'm outta here. California would be the worst state to live in when the zombies come. Millions of people, miles of coastline (imagine infected folks from other countries arriving by the boatload), our friendly, but infected neighbors to the south, the crowdedness, and the lack of weapons all make California highly vulnerable to zombie attacks.
No, my real estate agent is engaging other real estate agents in Washington, Idaho, and Montana. As Yoda would say, "California safe against zombies it is not."

5/24/2005 4:36 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

I figure MN is good, cuz we're all armed up here anyway.
Also, I didn't want to insult you, but; California has way too many flakes that you'd have to fight off, in addition to the zombies. I'm happy to know that you're already aware of this!

5/24/2005 4:56 PM  
Blogger Levi Nunnink said...

I'd have to go with a Jedi -- probably Obi-Wan. You know thier lightsabers would cut through the zombies like butter. Anakin seems more powerful but you've gotta assume he'd get some head trip, join the zombies and end up slaying you in a fit of rage. So, Obi-Wan.

5/25/2005 8:10 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Yes, Obi-Wan was the coolest Jedi. Yoda already was too old to really do much, until he actually had to. I don't think he'd have the lungs to fight zombies for hours, like Obi-Wan could.
I don't trust Annakin, and Mace is too much into politics and diplomacy. He's another guy who only fights when he has to.

I really like Obi-Wan's character. He was a good guy who was good. No selfish intentions. he'd be the type of guy who would help you jump start your car.

5/25/2005 10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the twin Wobbly gun turrets of Sadie and Laura firing in unison on both flanks their deadly squirts of lovely WOBBLY stuff. Wobblies i cant get enuff better than the curly muff. WOBBLIES

5/25/2005 8:38 PM  
Blogger Mokuyobi said...

LIONEL LIONEL LIONEL from Dead Alive all the way! Second pick: Wolverine! Third pick: Hulk Hogan. That handlebar mustache is enough to scare away anything.

wait, Can I pick Sean of the Dead?

5/28/2005 9:01 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Dusty, but Shaun was absolutely horrible at fighting zombies. Are you sure you want to pick him?

5/30/2005 5:00 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

" Anonymous said...the twin Wobbly gun turrets of Sadie and Laura firing in unison on both flanks their deadly squirts of lovely WOBBLY stuff. Wobblies i cant get enuff better than the curly muff. WOBBLIES"

I TOLD you, I prefer the term "knockers".

I am proof that feminists can have a sense of humor...

5/31/2005 6:30 PM  
Blogger neal said...

I would choose Jason Bourne. Neo from the Matrix would be cool but Bourne is just one bad dude that is quick and pays attention to every detail. He would be on the ball all the time.

12/03/2005 6:33 AM  

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