Friday, December 02, 2005

"Oh, and Friday, you can wear Hawaiian shirts"

Yeah. Amazing what HR thinks will make employees happy.

Speaking of HR, these will definitely get you a warning nowadays from HR, and you'll have to watch the "sensitivity video."

What do you call a fat Chinese guy?

A chunk.

How do you get a one armed Polish guy out of a tree?

You wave.

What do you do when a drummer knocks at your door?

You take the pizza and pay him.

Well, I think it's still politically correct to make musician jokes. Musicians are too poor to afford lawyers.

I do have a question for my Canadian friends. I was watching South Park Season 3 with Mrs. Z and Junior last weekend, and learned all about Sexual Harassment Panda, The Loch Ness Monster, and spontaneous human combustion (don't hold in your farts), but I don't get why the top of Canadians' heads come off when they talk. When I was in Canada, I noticed they talked like everyone else. Is this an inside joke only Canadians get? Is this a reference to something? Do tell.

Happy Hawaiian shirt day, even though it's rainy, cold, and miserable. My Hawaiian shirt will be covered with a sweatshirt anyways.


Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Amazing what HR thinks will make employees happy.

Yes, isn't it???

I have never understood it. But, scarier still, there are tons of employees that love it. These are people who's IQ is about at the level of my small malti-poo.

12/02/2005 8:16 AM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Hawaiian shirts! Sounds like HR needs to go watch Office Space. LOL

I've always wondered that about the Canadians on South Park too. Hopefully someone knows.

12/02/2005 8:18 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Saurkraut - Heh. I bet HR could convince those morons that a weekly slap in the face is good for morale.

Bsoholic - Yeah, I'm waiting for the answer too. I bet it's a reference to some Canadian cartoon.

12/02/2005 8:42 AM  
Blogger Miladysa said...

Do you have to wear the shirt? I would not therefore I think I would be classified as 'Not a team player'!

Have a lovely weekend :)

12/02/2005 9:26 AM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

Well I do watch South Park, fuckin hilarious.. and I AM Canadian, but I could not even guess as to why the Canadian characters on the show have lid-heads... this may be a question for Matt and Trey, maybe I will mosey on over to their site and post the question for ya. Cause thats the kind of canuck I am ;P

Oh and loved the jokes! You make me laugh.

12/02/2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger dave said...

i like that chinese joke. that's funny.

hey zombie, i had hot chocolate this morning and i thought of you.

have fun with the fam this weekend.

12/02/2005 10:25 AM  
Blogger Miranda said...

At least it wasn't Hawaiian shorts day ;). *Comfort* I agree with bsoholic. A little Office Space would do them a lot of good ;)

12/02/2005 2:40 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

The Sexual Harrassment Panda!! Yay for him!! That's not my favorite South Park - I think my favorite is when Eric dresses up as AWESOM-O to be Butter's most special robot. :-P

Hawaiian shirt day? Sheesh, I don't even own a Hawaiian shirt. :-/

12/02/2005 3:21 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

I know a LOT of Canadians and their skulls are intact. There MUST be an inside joke there somewhere.
I hate to sound stupid, but who the hell is HR?

12/02/2005 6:24 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Miladysa - No, you don't have to wear them. However, I get sick of wearing business casual, which is what's required at this job. It's kind of weird for a software job to have a dress code. I'm used to wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt.

Clothosfate - Dang. Was hoping you of all people knew the answer. That's one Canadian down, not too many to go. :(

Dave - My job won't even pay for drinks and plastic silverware. Cheap bastards. Although I'm making $33k more here than with your company, so I can't complain. But we don't have cuties like at your job, like the cute chick Sygyzy is in love with.

Miranda - Even my boss makes Office Space references. It's pretty funny. They sent out a memo that we all have to be cleaner. He argued in defense of us, because the stereotype of filthy engineers is true.

Notta - I didn't see that one. Dang. I'm so behind on South Park.

12/02/2005 6:28 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - HR = Human Resources

Your daughter's a Canadian. You sure her head's intact? ;)

12/02/2005 6:30 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Never been too sure about SME. ;)
She's the "born abroad of American parents" type of Canadian. She actually has dual citizenship.

12/02/2005 7:21 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - How did she manage that?

12/02/2005 7:44 PM  
Blogger MPD said...

Well Z.S. it goes like this. Whenever we have tourists we dont let them see our lid heads because we are like the asians that way and keep some sorta cultural secrets. Hope that answers the question for ya

12/02/2005 8:58 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

I have no idea re the heads coming off, unless they're showing how little it can take to get one of us GWN's to pop off on the oddest (little) subjects that only matters to smaller audiences.

Like Quebec separation (a perinniel fave hold up for money), The Queen (HONESTLY who damn cares), The 'we are different dammit' thing about the US-UK, and ummmhate to raise this one: bilingualism/biculturalism.

OR hey it could be just a way to make Canadians look diff.

What the heck do Iknow???

12/02/2005 10:46 PM  
Blogger Bo Salisbury said...

Sorry ZS... can't get into the Hawaiian shirt thing for a couple of reasons. First, when I was a young surf-nazi, we would go to thrift shops, before HS were cool, and buy the old silk ones with really authentic and original patterns... we also rode longboards before that was hip and got them free or at garage sales for 10 bucks (the ones that survived being cut down to 6' boards by cheapskates and fledgling shapers) I digress...

Second, I'm an old guy now and it seems like men my age have to demonstrate that we're still hip or "bad boys" by wearing a hawaian shirt (to work or church) or riding a Harley or restoring a classic car. So, that's a hurdle for me. I've had the best HS you could find, so the mass produced shirt thing isn't that appealing to me. I admit it... I don't like riding motorcycles. I'm a wuss, I admit it. Finally, I had a great 67 Bel Air and always dreamed of heating the springs, shaving it, and adding some show pipes(there's my East LA roots again), but the trust-fund hippies beat me to the punch. I doubt I'll ever be able to afford to drop a 62 T Bird or 64 Impala to the ground now.

I guess what I'm saying is the hawaiian shirt has become a banner I can't identify with.

12/03/2005 8:30 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

At the time SME was born, we were living in a border community that didn't have a hospital. So we doctored across the border in Canada.
She has a Canadian birth certificate, so we had to file papers with Immigration to prove that she was American to get a SS card.
Canada recognizes her as a Canadian citizen because she has a Canadian birth certificate.
This worked out well for her when she married a Canadian. She didn't have to pay for all the expensive paperwork necessary to live there. Weird quirk of fate, eh? ;)

12/03/2005 10:29 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - Thanks for the explanation. I've always wondered that about her and you. I know Minnesota's right on the border (and the most northern state besides Alaska) so I was thinking she got it by marrying a Canadian.

Bo - Trust fund hippies. Yeah, Santa Barbara is full of them. They often try to downplay how much money they have.

The guy I carpooled with in Seattle turned wrenches at the local Harley/Buell shop in Bellevue. He said that half of the motorcycle riders nowadays are what he calls "poseurs," you know, some guy with lots of money who just has a motorcycle to be cool.

Personally, I'm scared of them. Not of bikes, but of other drivers. My health is excellent and I know that if I'm going to die before my 70th b-day, it will be in a car wreck. I know I'd probably get killed by some idiot who didn't even see me until they ran me over if I rode a bike.

As for Hawaiian shirts, got one, but it was one given at work with the company logo on it. It says Made in USA, but I'm sure it's not in any way authentic.

Bridget - Quebec can't separate, because that would screw up hockey.

MPD - So, is that why none of the Canadians are answering? Everyone's playing dumb, huh?

12/03/2005 11:19 AM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

Feel free to ask me anything ZS; my life's an open book(usually with blank pages). ;)

I think part of Maine is a little north of MN.

12/03/2005 11:54 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - If I'm not mistaken, Maine is even lower than Washington state, and MN is more north than WA. I hope I'm not giving you wrong info. I should look it up.

12/03/2005 1:13 PM  
Blogger dusty said...

lol..HR is so lame...Hawaiian shirts omg...hope you are not freezing your butt off ZS..its cold down here in southern Cali as well..

12/03/2005 1:15 PM  
Blogger Slade said...


I just love saying that.

12/03/2005 1:25 PM  
Blogger Slade said...

What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common???

The same middle name

12/03/2005 1:27 PM  
Blogger Bhakti said...



A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

enjoy your weekend!!

12/03/2005 6:51 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Bhakti - Lol! Thanks a bunch for that joke.

Slade - Love the Jack the Ripper one. Sometimes things are so obvious that they go right over our heads. :p

Dusty - Yup. What sucks is now our nightly walks, my inner ears freeze after being out there for an hour. I don't think I was made for the cold, because this is nothing compared to Chicago's cold. But then again in Chicago, we knew better to cover up our ears when it got cold.

12/03/2005 9:40 PM  
Blogger United We Lay said...

Hey, my Drummer/Chef husband NEVER delivers pizzas. It's fried chicken or nuthin' for us!

12/04/2005 8:10 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

PC - Your hubby's a drummer?
Ha. Got some more for him then. You know what you call a guy who hangs around with a bunch of musicians?

A drummer.

What do you say to a drummer in a three-piece suit?

Will the defendant please rise.

12/04/2005 4:36 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

One more reason to love Office Space.

12/04/2005 8:44 PM  
Blogger clothosfate said...

do you think it suggests we flip our lids?

12/06/2005 10:59 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Clothosfate - Quite possibly. You Canadians definitely have more interesting lives than us Americans.

Jessica - That movie was written about my job. Funny thing is, I've met dozens of people who think the same thing.

12/06/2005 11:50 PM  

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