Friday, October 28, 2005

Hot American Babe - Alicia Keys, 2 Rants + a pair of jokes

Dave introduced me to a lot of different music, outside the realm of Heavy Metal. For the record, I didn't like most of it. Sorry Dave. I did try. I could stomach one of Coldplay's albums. I can't stand any Radiohead after OK Computer. Dave Matthews, eh...

I don't see why people rant and rave over U2. They put out two good albums (Achtung Baby and Joshua Tree) and a few good singles from their other albums, but that's as much as I could stomach from them. I really, really liked Achtung Baby, so I'll give them props for that. I hate Bono though. The guy needs to be slapped.

However, Alicia Keys I liked. Dave had her Unplugged and another one, forgot the title, and I liked them both. I especially liked Unplugged, for she really got soulful with that album. It also highlighted her voice. The other album highlighted her songwriting and piano skills (which are good things, but her voice is pretty good).

Ms Keys has quite a body as well. So don't worry friends, she's getting the memo. When the zombies come, she'll be safe. That Doors t-shirt will have to go though. Ms Keys, I'm buying you a Judas Priest t-shirt and I'll have it ready when you arrive.

Now for the rant 1

Laura wrote a wonderful essay on advertising degrading women. She included a few ads. The ones that really stuck out to me were the Valentino ad (abuse against women is neither sexy nor cool, so whatever Valentino sells, I won't be buying it) and that purse ad with just the legs. That's just lame.

I don't get offfended at all by using sexual alluring images to sell. The Bacardi ad I found sexy because I used to drink and party a lot and this was exactly what I wanted to see when I partied.

I do not think viewing women is a bad thing, I think it's a good thing. But I am well aware of eating disorders because of self-esteem issues. Girls need to be taught from early ages that attraction is much more than physical attraction and any woman could be sexy. I posted an article a while back on what I consider sexy and if I'm not mistaken, not one of those things was a physical trait.

Real men can tell the difference between fantasy and reality. So you ladies, don't worry. The only guys you're losing are the ones you wouldn't want anyways. Trust me.

Playboy is fantasy. Jenny McCarthy explained that they touched up stretch marks, birth marks, skin discolorations, and even some moles. Her real body is not flawless like she is in Playboy.

In real life, women have stretch marks and other imperfections. Not every woman needs to have a body like Tyra Banks, just like not every man is going to have a body like Wesley Snipes. It is reality. Men have stretch marks too. We have hair that sprouts out in weird clumps and mutant hairs that grow bigger than the rest. As we get older, some of our muscle turns to flab and of course, the older we get, the farther we used to be able to hit a baseball.

So if you haven't yet, read Laura's post about advertising. It's an interesting read.

As for me, I will always love images of beautiful woman, but of course, they are taken with a grain of salt. I fully realize that those images are Photoshopped and before Photoshop, photographers physically touched up images. And once again, physical beauty is always nice, but sexiness is an attitude.

Rant 2

I really wanted to go off at Home Depot on my blog a few days ago, but found that Sadie Lou and my wife had something in common, bad customer service at Ross. I'm glad you wrote this piece Sadie. It needs to be said.

Oh, it's Friday

Being Friday, I can't end this post on a serious note. That said, I'll leave you with a few jokes. I'm going to be busy this weekend so not sure if I'll have time to blog or not. Either way, have a wonderful weekend all.

You have two potatoes. How do you tell which one is the prostitute?

It's the one marked "Idaho"

A black guy, a Ukranian, and a dude from the Czech Republic are bestest buddies. One weekend, they go on a camping trip. Well, come Monday, nobody's heard from them. So their families call the park rangers.

Well, the park rangers find some grim news. They track a male and a female bear and find that the female ate the black guy and the Ukranian. One park ranger turns to the other and says "I wonder what happened to the third guy."

The other park ranger replies "the Czech must be in the male."


Blogger Slade said...

HA! I had to say that last line out loud before I got it! hehe

I wanted to tell you something that may or may not lift your spirits about customer service. I went to Goodwill today to shop for my Halloween costume and the person who run me up was soooo nice...I always get really good service at Goodwill...I wonder why that is.

10/28/2005 1:33 PM  
Blogger Slade said...

that was supposed to be "person who runG me up"


10/28/2005 1:34 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

You don't like the new Radiohead? OK Computer is hard to beat.

Thanks fer da plug.

I don't think there's anything wrong with looking - we are a culture of lookers. Think of our language... we dont' "visit" family and friends, we "go see them". The problem is that women are most often the viewed, and very rarely the viewer. As the viewers, [upper class] men are in a position of power to determine what images are worth seeing. It's a form of power we often discount.

10/28/2005 1:53 PM  
Blogger Sadie Lou said...

Thanks for the linkage.
Laura's ad post was an interesting read, good call. Alicia Keys is beautiful and she actually has talent. I'm so tired of these beautiful women getting record deals so they can shake around half naked in their videos. They can't sing for anything, they're just eye candy.

here's a joke:

What do you call a black pilot?

...a pilot you racist!

10/28/2005 2:06 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

I don't know if it's just a great picture of her or not, but she is off the scale hot.

I loved this line: "the older we get, the farther we used to be able to hit a baseball." Classic.

You don't like the Doors? I thought everybody did. I'm not much for heavy metal though, so I guess it's just an orientation.

Have a good weekend Zombie.

10/28/2005 2:24 PM  
Blogger savage said...

I'm gonna cry, those jokes are old.
too bad that's not why I'm cryin'.

10/28/2005 4:50 PM  
Blogger Moni said...

Just when I thought that all men were interested in bubble headed bleached blondes with big boobs, one of you comes along and knocks my socks of with your sensibilities. Good show ZS!

Alicia Keys is beautiful and she has real talent. "Britney watch and learn."

"Idaho!" Blahhahahahahaha!!!!!! I'll have you know that you made me spew my Dr. Pepper all over my computer screen! Thanks. ;p

10/28/2005 5:11 PM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Ha ha ha had not heard either and they're both great!!!

I didn't like the Doors either. Way way too dark.

Have a great weekend, all!!


10/28/2005 9:26 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

"Idaho" HAHAHAH! I love it.

This was a great post!

Okay, first off, I'd have to say that it say's alot about you if you're at least willing to give different types of music than what you like a try. Most people are too stuck in how "cool" their kind of music is to open up and try new things out. So props on that. Oh, but one thing, Alicia Keys voice is better than alright, silly! Okay, one more thing, you still have good taste in music. ;)

As for the women thing, I couldn't have said it better. You hit the nail on the head. Now, it's only a matter of us women REALLIZING that. And of course the men who fail to remember that it is fantasy, we wouldn't want.

Bad customer service, GRR. I just comented over at the Lama's blog about it. Don't wanna bore you with a repeat.

Hhahahah, "Idaho." I love it! Did I already say that?

10/29/2005 10:04 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Well, the same can be said for men. We might think Mel Gibson is hot, but he isn't the only hot male out there. Hot isn't just looks; it's attitude and style, too. We realize the men in our lives might have a receding hairline or a paunch, but it's the way they click with us that gets us going.

I don't like anything that touts the degradation of women or any people. If they're that desperate to try something new, let them dunk the head of their company in a vat of acid on prime time TV. Oh,he'd have to sign a release (of course).

10/29/2005 12:38 PM  
Blogger Levi Nunnink said...

Laura, that was an excellent post. I've gotten so sick of advertising lately. It's like they've stopped trying to pretend they're lying.

Zombie: 'Amen' on the Radiohead assesment. If you're looking for an awe-inspiring metal band, I'd reccomend Dream Theater. A friend played them for me the other day and I was blown away.

I do think Alicia Keys is beautiful and talented but I sort-of lost something for her when she did a riverdance number on the Grammys. I just can't get that image out of my head whenever I think of her.

10/30/2005 9:36 PM  
Blogger The Zombie Lama said...

"Czech must be in the male"... ouch ouch ouch... that was bad... funny, but bad...

Damn, you beat me to a hottie again. I need to step up my efforts.

10/31/2005 8:37 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

ZL - Heh. We gave you Paris Hilton and Britney Spears already. ;)

Levi - I like Dream Theatre. Any of their albums you'd recommend? I've just heard them, but don't own any albums.

Saurkraut - let them dunk the head of their company in a vat of acid on prime time TV.

We need to do this to our former CEO, who got a multi-million dollar bonus while laying off over a thousand of us.

Jenn - Now, it's only a matter of us women REALLIZING that.

There are so many women out there who are really good-looking who don't think they're attractive. I don't get it. What does it take to convince them?

Bridget - Yeah, I don't see why everyone likes The Doors. I like that "People are strange" song but that's about it.

Moni - Not only that, Ms Keys could play an instrument and writes her own music, unlike Ms Spears.

Savage - Going to miss you all tonight. Got to go to work. :p

Hey, got your resume. I sent you an email.

Scott - I don't know if it's just a great picture of her or not, but she is off the scale hot.

No, she's always hot. And unlike most of the others, she has talent.

Sadie - I'm so tired of these beautiful women getting record deals so they can shake around half naked in their videos. They can't sing for anything, they're just eye candy.

Well, I don't mind the eye candy, but if the music is horrible, I still can't watch it, no matter how hot the singer is. Plus, I find lack of talent unsexy. I've never once considered Britney, Jessica, or any of the others sexy.

Laura - I loved your post, because I was unaware how bad those ads were. That Valentino ad was just horrible.

As for Radiohead, I loved Ok Computer and really liked The Bends. But hated Kid A and didn't really like anything since.

I think media is changing though. The Upper Class no longer has a monopoloy of media. some of these really popular websites and blogs get just as many viewers as magazines and often those who write them are far from upper-class. It's a good time to be alive because we have more power than we've ever had as regular people.

Slade - I've always liked Goodwill. I used to buy most of my clothes from them. I used to donate clothes to them too, but now I give all my old clothes to the local retarded folks org.

Always happy to make you laugh. :)

10/31/2005 10:35 AM  
Blogger dusty said...

customer service is in the eye of the beholder..some people dont notice it and some do..

as someone that works in marketing I am appalled at some of the ads coming out..but they all have one thing in common..they get your attention and thats all they want..its like that old saying..any publicity is good, long as they spell your name right.

I dont condone ads that are insensitive to women. But they are not going away..there is always two pov's on every topic..part of the fun of watching a superbowl has become checking out the ads..when an ad makes a man look like a complete idiot do you bitch about that? usually I would say no one does..they laugh..

when something offends you, you can do something about boycott the product or you can write to ad agency and/or the product manufacturer. raising awareness will only work with people who hold the same view and values as yourself..its lost on those that dont give a rats ass about anyone but themselves.

When I was young and fired-up I would bitch incessantly about marketing tools that portrayed women in a negative light. I found as I got older that I had to pick my battles or I could use up all my energy on something which was never going to change due to freedom of speech and other freedoms we like funny,is in the eye of the beholder..

11/01/2005 7:36 AM  
Blogger The Flaming Liberal said...

Hottest woman ever. Period

11/01/2005 7:44 PM  
Blogger Jaxe said...

Zombie. I have to agree Ms. Keys has some talent, and is a *bit* attractive....*woozy* So what the heck should we listen to! HAHAH on the Judas Priest tshirt... think she'd want my old Scorpions one from 1984?

11/03/2005 7:28 PM  

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