Tuesday, April 25, 2006

More P.C. whackiness

My theory

I have a theory. You know how when you wash your clothes, you take seven pairs of dirty socks and end up with only thirteen after you dry the clothes? Well, naturally, you'd assume the dryer ate one of the socks.

I'm now under the impression that dryers around the world don't eat socks. Instead, they teleport them up the butts of the politically correct. That's why they're so stuffy.

The other day, I was shopping at Trader Joe's with two friends. One of my friends asked me what vitamins he should buy. I suggested to buy the "Men's" vitamins, because they don't have iron. He asked what's wrong with iron. I told him that men don't bleed, and don't need iron. In fact, too much iron is bad for the stomach. My other friend threw in "yeah, and you're already backed up."

Well, some man-hater interrupted and called us "chauvanist pigs." We gave her a look like "huh?" Then she quickly took off. Absolutely amazing. I guess the world is out to get her.

"They're not like that!"

Back in the 90s, a movie came out called To Wong Foo which featured Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguziamo as drag queens. It was a comedy, designed to make people laugh. I rented it with my two roommates at the time, and laugh we did. In fact, we laughed so hard we watched it a second time before we returned it to the video store three days later.

At work the next day, a friend of mine asked what I did the night before. I told him we rented that movie and thought it was quite funny. Some P.C. whacko interrupted and said "I have three friends who are gay, and they're not like that!"

You got to love it when a straight college girl can be the spokeswoman for the entire gay community. I'm sure gay folk appreciate that.

Offended by Asian cartoons

Several months back, an entrepreneur wanted to open up a store in Portland. Unfortunately for him, he was of Asian decent. He wanted to use a cartoon of himself, and a bunch of white people got offended and sued him not to, for it was "offensive to Asians."

The P.C. whackos won, and he ended up taking the cartoon image of himself down. So the message in this was the cartoon face of an Asian is offensive to politically correct white people. Now, who are the real racists?

Illegal immigration

I've done illegal immigration to death but please read Neal's article on "Limbaugh Laws". Neal says it much better than I can.

And before I go, I'll leave you with these pictures. Yes, this was in America. Imagine doing this in any other country but America, and imagine what will be done to the perpetrators.

Oh, one more thing. The other day I saw a bumper sticker that said "Work harder - millions of people on welfare depend on you." They ought to change that bumper sticker to say "Work harder - millions of ungrateful illegal aliens depend on you."

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

In honor of Mr. White

Whether or not you're a football fan, you might remember the late, great Reggie White. Mr. White was not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but the man meant well. He was a preacher, and in one of his sermons, he noted that the great American melting pot works, and every group seems to contribute their flavor to the pot, and it's a good thing.

Well, the P.C. Nazis made mountains out of molehills and blew it up into epic proportions, calling him the nastiest of names and demonizing the poor guy. The thing is, I bet it wasn't even minorities who got offended. I bet it was upper middle class white people in bike helmets.

That said, hypersensitive people who get offended at everything suck. The world would be a better place when the zombie plague comes and we let them all die. They're completely worthless as people. They're not funny. They never smile. And they think their s*** doesn't stink. Seriously, I'm sick of them.

So I'm going to take Mr. White a step further. I'm going to make it just a little more global. Enjoy.

Japanese make good tenants, Vermont hippies make good ice cream.

Conservatives are good on the radio, liberals are good actors.

Jews are good comedians, women are good Product Managers.

Black people are good near the rim, white people are good at three-point shooting and assists.

Fat people tell good jokes, you only need to buy your skinny friend one martini.

Gay men are good singers, straight men are good chefs.

Filipinos and Vietnamese make good rolls, Russians are good at wrestling throws.

The French make good cheese, Chileans make good affordable wine.

Rednecks can help you with your engine problems, lesbians can help you with your motorcycle.

Black folk write good comedies, Mexicans are good at horror stories.

Canadians make good maple syrup, Zanzibarians export good cloves.

Indians (casino) are good at tracking deer, Indians (slurpee) are good at teaching people how to stretch.

BSD Unix has good uptime, Windows has good games.

Republicans pay their bills on time, Hare Krishnas know the fastest route to the airport.

Ibanez makes good necks, Mesa Boogie makes good tube amps.

Koreans make good bar-be-ques, Texans make good chile.

Straight Italians make good olive oil, gay Italians design nice pants.

Spain has beautiful women, Belgium makes good beer.

Cuba makes good cigars, Haiti makes good baseballs.

Peruvians make good sweaters, Brazilians really know how to party.