Saturday, August 13, 2005

A little lady with a big gun

I love a good martini. All these years I've had friends order martinis and I'd get a beer. Well, not anymore. Give me a martini instead.

A martini's a social lubricant. You'd say things you wouldn't normally say, which really is a good thing sometimes. Let it all out. I'd love to hear your stories. I won't judge you, for I've probably done worse. If not, well, maybe you shouldn't have had that third martini.

We went out drinking tonight. It was wonderful. Our waitress was gorgeous and she knew it. My investment partner and I would watch her walk away slowly while our female friend would roll her eyes back. Men.

No wives tonight. They're at home with the kids.

He took off early. She and I were in no shape to drive, so we headed to the nearest coffee shop to waste a few hours to sober up.

It was cool. Santa Barbara with lots of beautiful young women walking down State Street as I had a nice martini buzz going. What a life.

She told me about the guy who broke through the glass and into her house. Bad idea. She drew down on him and he did the only reasonable thing. He ran so fast away from her house that he would have made Carl Lewis proud.

Of course, this story didn't make the papers, and neither did it make the crime statistics. No reason for a police report. At least one thing's certain though. This guy won't be coming back.

You live in a rough area, you better keep a gun in your house. Even if you forget to load it, robbers won't know that. They may be stupid but they don't want to take a chance with Death.

I've made financial mistakes like you couldn't believe. I've lost $43,000 in one day once. But even before that, I took some economic chances that most people won't take. And I paid for it, dearly.

Once I was so broke, we lived in an area with crack dealers across the street. Crack dealers and gang bangers. Every apartment but ours got robbed. Why not ours? Because they knew that not only did we have bigger guns than they did, we'd have no qualms using them. And they knew the courts would be glad to see three college students, especially two young good-looking ladies and a young ambitious man, knock off some drugged up welfare punks. So for their own safety, they left us alone while they robbed every single one of our neighbors.

Regular people with guns. The one thing that criminals are scared of. You think they're scared of cops? You got to be kidding.

Sociologists have found that people who fear crime the most are people who are least likely to be affected by it. So you have upper-middle class white folk, good people, just ignorant, who want to ban guns to cut crime. Wrong. Ban guns and good poor folk won't have a chance against thugs. I know, I've been there. And so did my new little lady friend I shared martinis and coffee with tonight. And she had her little baby with her. Who knows, if she were unarmed, that could have been real ugly.


Blogger Danius Maximus said...

a good martini is fine and dandy but nothing beats the sweet temptation of a liquid viagra...twice the buzz half the price. The coke vs. jesus debate is still in full swing, our lord and savior is coming out with a slim margin

8/13/2005 12:04 AM  
Blogger Truman said...

Wow. That brings back memories. I used to live in hilltop Tacoma. Next door to a drug dealer. His name was "Gator". He liked hearing our band practice though so he told us we had a "ghetto pass". If anyone were to start some shit up in the hood with us, we were to bring them to Gator and he would mete out some swift justice. I still like beer better.

8/13/2005 12:23 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

I've never been into martinis. I much prefer a Margarita - a real one, none of that frozen strawberry shit, on the rocks with salt. That, or beer, or a bottle of good, red wine.

As for the gun issue - we've discussed that before. Respect your opinion, but must disagree.

8/13/2005 5:30 AM  
Blogger exMI said...

I like guns. She probably should have filed a police report anyway. I would think it would make the insurance thing easier. (unless she just replaced the glass herself and went on with life.)

8/13/2005 6:02 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Exmi - Yeah, she just replaced the glass herself. No big deal.

Laura - A martini is weird. If you sip it, it's awful. You have to swig it. The first few swigs are awful too, but once you start getting half-way down the martini, it starts tasting better.

Truman - You know, I've met a few cool ones myself. Never meth dealers though. They're almost always evil. If I were running the show, I'd legalize it so they'd pay taxes like the rest of us and there will be control over what they sell. Plus, it will take the criminal element out of it. No more turf wars. By the way, I've lived in Magnolia and Eastlake.

Danius - never had one. I'll have to order one one of these days.

8/13/2005 7:58 AM  
Blogger Melanie said...

A Grey Goose dirty martini with two olives is my favorite. And I like to sip it Z. It's yummy. But you're right...3 is about all I can handle.

And I believe you about the gun thing. We own guns and when I used to work in downtown Atlanta in the "hood", I carried one in my car and everyone new it and nobody ever bothered me.

8/13/2005 9:15 AM  
Blogger Shawn said...

A couple of years ago, I discovered that I have an amazing talent for shooting pistols.

My brother and I went pistol shooting with one of his friends up in the UP. When my turn came his friend noticed that I was sort of timid with the gun and must have thought that I had never shot one before when in reality I had just never shot a Glock. He went through the basic instructions which I listened to before proceeding to annhilate all the cans we had lined up and take out the water heater that had been dumped out where we were shooting. His jaw dropped, I just shrugged, handed him back the gun and said, "I used to live out West..."

I didn't actually know before that day that I could shoot well. I always just thought that it was normal to shoot an apple from 30 or 40 feet. Give my a rifle though and I couldn't hit a freakin' barn. Yet another reason I'll never hunt.

I've always felt more safe and less safe with a gun around.

By the way, I can't stand martinis...but I'll respect your desire to drink them. And if I lived in Santa Barbara, I would have a sore neck all the time.

8/13/2005 10:31 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Shawn - My neck is sore. You ought to see the young lady sitting in front of me writing in her journal. Nice. :)

You and I are the opposite though. the only purpose for my pistols is to get me back to my shotgun or rifles. I can't hit s*** with a pistol, but have no problem hitting apples at 200 yards with an accurate rifle (without a scope). As for Glocks, I don't like their long pull, but I'll readily admit that they're well made guns.

Melanie - Next time I go drinking, I'll order one of those. I have no idea what you're talking about but it sounds yummy. My buddy always orders for us and he orders something that sounds like "Absolut martini, straight up." It comes with 2 green olives and it makes me happy by the time I'm half finished with it.

As for guns, we've already had that discussion. You and I are in complete agreement. I'm not as good as you though, can't hit flies. You probably have very good vision.

8/13/2005 12:34 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

A sore neck? I don't know what YOU two do after drinking martinis ;-p

8/13/2005 3:04 PM  
Blogger tshsmom said...

When my husband and I were dating, I drank 4 Black Russians in one sitting. L took away my car keys and drove me home. He then WALKED 10 miles back home! I think that's the night I truly fell in love with him!

MY weapon of choice for self-defense is a shotgun. I'm planning a post on this, at a later date.

8/14/2005 6:33 AM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Tshsmom - Mine as well. First shot is a blank. If an intruder breaks into my house, I think I'd rather clean up his urine than his blood and guts.

As for your hubby, there's another definition of a real man. :)

Laura - Heeeey! Okay, I guess I walked into that one. :p

8/14/2005 9:57 AM  
Blogger Bridget Jones said...

Great post ZS. Thank heavens for the far-sightedness of the Constitution's drafters.

I used to be anti gun until I read your post.

Bridg p.s. I'm with Laura re margs vs. martinis.

8/14/2005 10:20 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

I've never held a loaded gun but am wishy washy enough to annoy all sides on gun control issues. I do know that someone holding a gun and willing to use it will command respect from the lowlifes of the world, though. ;-)

ZS, have you tried the Cajun martinis at the Palace? They're quite the rage, although I'm pretty wimpy when it comes to martinis. I should try your chugging advice.

8/15/2005 11:17 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Ooooh the Palace, that was the name of the place we went. Damn good food there.

8/15/2005 4:18 PM  
Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Laura and Jason - yes, been to the Palace many times. we used to go there at least once every two weeks.

Bridget - Glad I could be of service. Wouldn't want anyone here to be eaten by zombies. ;)

As for martinis vs margaritas, I actually prefer rum drinks. Methinks I was a pirate in a previous life. Aaaaaar, matey.

8/15/2005 4:34 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home